


Lost & Found

by xAnimaniac



Series: Lost & Found Series [1]
Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: M/M, Pimp..ery, Prostitution, Sex, Sex EVERYWHERE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 16:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 63,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xAnimaniac/pseuds/xAnimaniac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Go ahead James! I mean, you just love a hooker whose boyfriend is also his possessive pimp! What could possibly go wrong?"<br/>"Hold on. Are you being sarcastic?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I was Enchanted to Meet You

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this baby when I was 15. And it really is my baby because it's the story where I really began delevoping my writing style in to what it is now. There was oringially going to be a sequel which I still have a plan for, but I doubt it'll happen at this point since it's been so long and everyone's most likely forgotten it. There is however a prequel, Empty Rooms, and a little oneshot kinda set some time after this story but before the sequel, obviously.
> 
> So this story was slightly inspired by Taylor Swift's song 'Enchanted', from Speak Now which I love and adore forever, and I felt it really suited this story. Also I can totally pictue James wearing a pair of aviators and holding up a gun saying 'Keep your hands where I can see em!'
> 
> I do not own the BTR characters but some day I might ;) However, I do own Faye, Summer, Matt, Sean and Eric, my precious little cupcakes c:

 

James shared an apartment with three people; his older sister Faye, Faye's best friend Summer, and James's best friend Carlos. They'd all been so eager to get out and find their own place that they'd just bought one together. They were all like family to each other anyway. For the Diamonds, Carlos and Summer had always been around. They spent more time in James's home than their own. Now they were all adult, technically. They still acted pretty immature.

James and Carlos both had the same job; they worked with the Police Department. Well, Carlos did. James worked with the Crime Lab. Everyone had said that it definitely wasn't the kind of job that they expected him to go for, but he'd taken a four-year college course and was great at his job, even if he was still a rookie. When he was a kid he'd always talked about becoming a star. This dream still shimmered a little in the back of his mind, but he loved his current job. Although autopsies could get a little disgusting. Summer worked there too, and Faye was a lawyer. So, there they were. Four young adults with jobs in law, all living together. What fun.

Neither James nor Summer were working that day. Both of them called to see their families. The day flew by; his days off usually did. As he got into his car and drove away from his parent's place, he got a call from Faye.

_"Hey, James. Are you still in town?"_

"I guess so. Why?"

_"I just got home, and I realised that we have no food! Zilch! Zip! Would you mind running to one of those all-night grocery stores on the way home?"_

James sighed. "Yeah, alright. I'll be home in an hour or so."

After hanging up, James looked at his watch. 11:30? Wow. Time really did fly when you were having fun. _And I did have fun_ , James thought as he drove into central LA. James had always loved his parents like crazy, and it was because of his dad that he'd chosen to work with the cops. His dad had worked as a detective. He didn't anymore, because after an accident about a year ago, he'd ended up with bad hearing problems. They claimed he wasn't suited to the job anymore. Though he'd loved his job, he didn't seem to mind much. James's mother, on the other hand, still worked as a teacher in a middle school, not far from where James lived. She was quiet and delicate, unlike his father, who was loud and generally energetic.

James's thoughts drifted away from his family as he pulled into a car park, before getting out, crossing the street and walking around the corner. He dodged between tourists, shoppers and gamblers as he passed a large casino hotel. Prostitute paradise.

He hurried towards the all-night store, rushing in. He wanted to get home. He didn't want to leave his car alone in that parking lot any longer than he had to. Once he'd paid, he left the store and walked back down the street, bag in hand. Now he was just desperate to get back to the apartment. As he passed the hotel again, he saw two guys emerged from one of the doors, a few meters ahead him, and stop. They were looking around like they were waiting for something. He would've been able to tell from a mile away who they were. Or what they were. Whatever. James had seen how his friends and family reacted when people like this were around. They'd turn away, or roll their eyes and talk about how terrible it was to basically sell your body to all these random strangers as a way of living. James normally agreed with them, but this time he didn't roll his eyes, or look away. He just stared.

James had seen hookers before. This was Los Angeles, for crying out loud! There were dozens of them around. A lot of girls, a lot of guys. The girls were all the same to him; plastered makeup and skirts or shorts that barely covered their asses. Not to mention the postage stamps they called tops. And their giggling almost drove him into orbit!

There were plenty of guys too. Guys with booty shorts and high heels and faces adorned with glossy lipstick. Then the hookers who tried to look like guys rather than girls, with their skin tight jeans and their equally tight T-shirts, and their glittery faces and arms. So they wore a little makeup; it wasn't hard to spot that all these people had fake beauty and probably no real substance underneath. Maybe that was the real reason most people disapproved of them.

This one was different. There were no glitter, no makeup that he could see. No high heels. Just a pair of blue laced vans and long legs clad in tight black jeans that clung to _everything_. The first few buttons of his shirt were open, revealing the pale skin of his chest. James could see a tattoo on his collarbone, though he couldn't tell what it was from where he was standing. All this was alluring, but his face was the part that really sent James's heart racing. Maybe it was because he wasn't trying to be picture perfect like the others he'd seen before. He was sure anyone else would change their hair to match their eyebrows, or the other way around. His hair was a dark blonde colour; it reminded him a little of honey. His long bangs fell over his large, bright eyes, and his full lips formed a combination of a pout and a frown as he looked around the crowded street.

He was talking to his companion at the same time; a smaller boy with short brown hair. When he smiled, James saw a dimple in his left cheek. Could he get any more perfect? James just stood and stared for another minute, desperately trying to think of an excuse to go and talk to the gorgeous blonde. In the end, he settled for one of the best/worst ideas he could think of. He walked right up to the two boys. "Hey, I was wondering if—"

"Well, aren't you a pretty boy?" The brunette inquired with a smirk. "You wanna play with us? I hope you got cash on you cause—"

"Actually, we're done for the night," the beautiful blonde cut in. "You're gonna have to ask somebody else."

James could see the tattoo better now. It was a rose. A black rose. The smaller guy had the same tattoo on his arm. "Actually, I just wanted to know where the nearest bus station is," he said, flashing a charming smile.

The blonde smiled back. James could see his eyes were a deep green. They sparkled when he smiled. "Just keep walking down that way until you come to the next left turn. It's right around the corner; you can't miss it."

"Ok. Thanks." He flashed another smile before walking away. One he turned to the left, he crossed the street and headed towards the parking lot where his car was. All the way home, he couldn't get the wondrous image of a _hooker_ out of his head. Or the same two lines over and over.

_Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you._

* * *

Kendall turned to Logan with a sigh. "Right. How much did you get tonight?"

Logan flashed a grin. "I found some lonely businessman at the bar and he paid $500 just to fuck me. The things these people will do for a release is unbelievable. What about you?"

Kendall flashed a grin. "I didn't get as much as you, but I have $400 for a blowjob and a striptease. I think that's pretty good. Sean's gonna be happy." _At least, I hope so._

Logan smirked. "Oh, please. When it comes to you, he's always happy."

"If I cooperate," Kendall murmured. "What is taking Matt so long?" he wondered aloud. "He's taking forever."

As if on cue, they heard a voice calling them. "Hey! Sorry I'm late; what'd I miss?"

"Us, waiting for you," Logan replied. "Come on; let's go home. I'm exhausted."

The three guys went down to the hotel parking lot, getting into their car. Logan started it and quickly exited the parking lot.

"I am the king of prostitution!" Matt gloated from the backseat. "I got $700 altogether!"

Logan rolled his eyes. "The day you're the king of these parts is the day Kendall gets hit by a bus. You know any of our customers would shag him over us any day." He cast a quick sideways glance at Kendall. "What's your secret? Is it the long legs they love, or is it just your great personality?"

Kendall didn't bother dignifying that with an answer. He didn't know why anybody would prefer him. Logan and Matt always acted much more enthusiastic about this job. Matt pushed a strand of chestnut coloured hair out of his eyes as he laughed a little. "I guess I can't argue with that."

"Does that mean you're gonna send a crazed bus driver after me?" Kendall asked light-heartedly.

"Speaking of buses, what did you think of that pretty boy who asked us for directions?" Logan asked as he steered into the housing estate where they lived, in the quieter area of LA. "He looked like he knew where he was going. I had serious doubts about his intentions . . ."

Kendall tuned him out, watching as they passed the rows of small two-storey houses before finally reaching their own. Logan stopped at the end of the driveway; there was already a car parked in front of them. They hopped out of the car and walked up to the front door. Logan was fumbling in his pocket for the key. Matt got impatient and just rang the doorbell. A tall guy with dark hair and smouldering eyes answered the door. Sean. The pimp. He greeted them with a grin before stepping aside to let them in. "Well, how much?" he asked.

"$700," Matt replied the same time that Logan said "$500," and Kendall said "$400."

Sean grinned as they handed it over. "Nice job. I'll give you your cut in the morning before I go out, alright?" The three nodded and began walking down the hallway. Then Sean's hand darted out and grabbed Kendall by the back of his jeans, keeping him there. Kendall turned to Sean with a despairing sigh. "What?"

"What's up with you?" Sean demanded. "You're not getting me half as much cash as you used to."

"Sorry," Kendall replied. "It's just been quiet around there lately. I haven't been lucky. I'll do better tomorrow; I promise."

"You'd better," Sean said in a threatening voice. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry. I guess I've been a bit of a prick to you lately—"

"Lately?" Kendall looked at him with raised eyebrows. He didn't have to say anything else. He was saying everything he had to with his eyes. Remembering every, single, detail. He could tell Sean was too. He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I wanna make it up to you. Take next Friday off, ok? You can go out with friends or something . . ."

 _Yeah right. You're probably gonna have someone follow me to make sure I'm not with any other guys. I know what you're like._ But Kendall just smiled. "Thank you. I'm gonna go to bed now; I'm kinda tired."

"Ok." Sean kissed Kendall softly—not harshly or roughly like he usually did—and disappeared into the kitchen. Kendall sighed and went down the hallway to his room. Actually it was his, Logan's, Matt's and Eric's room. He sat on his bed, lying back and shutting his eyes. He was so close to just falling asleep in his clothes. He was met with a pillow in the face.

"Ow!" He sat up, glaring at Matt. "Dude, why?"

"What'd Sean say to you?" Matt asked almost desperately.

"I have next Friday off." Kendall unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. "$700 is a lot of cash, Matt. I doubt the other guys beat you; you'll probably get Friday off too."

"One can only hope."


	2. You've Already Got Me Coming Undone

 

James walked into the crowded lobby, knowing Carlos was unwillingly following him. They headed their usual route over to the bar, and James sat on a stool. Carlos sat beside him, and James could hear him grumbling under his breath, ". . . and to think I could be at home watching reruns of Beavis and Butt-head right now . . ."

Once James managed not to laugh at this, he called the bartender over. By now this guy knew them well; they'd been there so often. "Hey, guys. What can I get you tonight?"

While Carlos ordered drinks, James's eyes drifted around. The people at the slot machines, the people at the poker tables, the people sitting at tables and drinking. He couldn't see _him_ anywhere. Again. This was the fifth night in a row James had come here. Carlos had only come to keep James company. James just wanted to see _him_ again. At this point, he was tempted to give up. He'd spent the past week daydreaming about the guy. Maybe it was just time to let it go and move on—

"Hey, dude?" James turned to look at the bartender.

"Yeah?"

"What's up with you?" he asked, looking confused as he said it. "Not that I don't minds having regulars, but for the past week you've come here every night, and every single time you look around at every single person here, practically like you got X-ray vision or something. It's weird."

James just shrugged, looking around again. He heard Carlos sigh and dump his drink on the bar with a crash. "He's hooked on some prostitute he saw here last week."

"Dude!" James elbowed Carlos in the stomach.

"James, this is like that time we were trying to find that . . . I forget the name . . . that town outside LA three months ago! You were too stubborn to ask for directions, and we drove around in circles for over an hour!" He turned back to the bartender. "This hooker. It's a guy; slim, long legs, blonde hair, dimples, rose tattoo. You seen anyone like that around?" James absent-mindedly noticed that it was a very accurate description. He must've talked about him nonstop. And he was surprised Carlos hadn't murdered him over it.

The bartender looked thoughtful for a second, and then his face broke into a smile. "Ah. You're looking for Kendall! I saw him come in here last night, about an hour before y'all showed up. Dunno where he is now." His smile widened. "You got good taste, buddy. Really good . . ." Someone on the other end of the bar called him, and he left.

James spun around in his chair so he was now facing the huge lobby. "He was _here!_ This is just my luck; I should've come earlier." He sighed, rolling his eyes at the ceiling. When he looked back, he was sure his jaw dropped open. Seriously, how did that happen?

He saw him—Kendall; he knew his name now—come into the hotel. He was with another guy again, and they were both chatting and smiling, just like the first time. One of the few differences was the fact that the small dark-haired guy had been replaced by a taller, muscular guy with long locks of reddish brown hair. Kendall was just wearing a T-shirt and faded jeans tonight, but just like the first time, James was totally spellbound. He was back to staring like a zombie. Hmm, if only he really did have X-ray vision . . .

"James? Your head is in the clouds!"

James blinked dully before he turned towards Carlos. "Dude! That's him over there by the door!"

Carlos turned to look. "Where?" he demanded, leaning forward to get a better view. "Oh. There." He smirked. "A little out of your league, maybe, but . . ."

"Really? You think so?" James watched the two boys. "I wanna go talk to him, but what do I say?"

"How about 'Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?'" Carlos was chuckling now, taking another sip of his drink.

"Carlitos," James laughed, knowing Carlos wasn't taking this seriously. "That has to be the single worst pickup line I've ever heard. I hope you've never used that on anyone! They'd probably slap you!"

Carlos laughed. "Nah, I was just hoping you'd be the first to use it and make a fool of yourself."

James smacked Carlos on the back of the head. "So, can we be serious now? What can I say to him? I mean, he's _him_!"

"If by 'he's him' you mean he's hot, he totally is. But it's not like he's an alien or anything. He probably won't mind when you look like a total idiot!"

James dragged Carlos off his chair. "That does it. We're both going over there."

* * *

 

   
Kendall shook his head. "Sorry. I'm not working tonight."

"But . . . c'mon, I'm desperate!"

"Then go ask someone else!"

"But I want you!"

Kendall gritted his teeth. "Dude, I don't even know you, so I don't give a shit, alright?"

The guy wandered off, and Kendall heard him muttering "Tight bitch" under his breath.

Matt was sniggering. Kendall turned to glare at him. "Can I ask what's so funny?"

"Nothing." Matt took a deep breath and put on a serious face. "So, why did Sean give you today off, anyway?"

"Said he wanted to make it up to me for being such a jerk."

Matt rolled his eyes. "What an idiot. Anybody else would figure out that the best way to make it up to you is just to stop being such a prick! You'd probably forgive him then."

Kendall shrugged. "Eh, maybe. But probably not."

"Wow. You really are a tight bitch!"

"Shut up!" But Kendall was laughing with him.

* * *

James took a deep breath and led Carlos over to Kendall and his unimportant friend. "Hey!" Carlos greeted. _Well, at least that part is out of the way._

"Hi." The taller one looked friendly, but Kendall seemed slightly puzzled as he looked at James. "Hey, have I met you before? You look familiar."

"Hmm, maybe. Though I'm sure I would've remembered." Kendall's eyebrows rose and James mentally kicked himself. _Oh, James! You idiot! That was a terribly cheesy and ridiculous thing to say! Just stop talking!_

"So, do you wanna get a drink?" he asked, attempting to sound confident. _He's gonna refuse, James! He's gonna laugh at you! He thinks you're an idiot, which you are!_

Kendall actually looked shy for a second. "I . . . uh . . ."

"We'd love to!" his companion interrupted, flashing a smile. "I'm Matt, by the way. He's Kendall. And you are . . .?"

"I'm Carlos, he's James." Carlos seemed to be having no problem in this situation. Meanwhile, James still felt like a total eejit as the four made their way over to the bar. James ended up with Kendall on one side of him and Carlos on the other, and then with Matt next to Carlos.

"So," James said awkwardly after they got drinks. "You come here often?"

Carlos started choking on his drink. Kendall cocked an eyebrow and cast a sideways glance at him. "If I were you, I'd stop trying to be cool. It's not working." James gave a long sigh, and was surprised when Kendall gave a friendly smile. "But, really, who cares about being cool?"

James couldn't help smiling back. "Yeah, you're right." He paused. "So, if you don't care about being cool, what _do_ you care about? What are you interested in?"

Kendall shrugged. "Music, wildlife, the world. What about you?"

James took a sip of his drink (he couldn't even remember what it was) and gave a cheerful wink. "All the same things. And I like movies. Maybe I can take you to one, if you decide I'm not too awkward and dumb for you."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Maybe. If you decide I'm not too much of a whore for _you_."

James couldn't seem to find anything to say. Kendall was so different to every hooker he'd conversed with in the past (He was a cop. He lived in LA. Naturally, he talked to quite a few). He was a little flirty, but he still seemed so sweet. And at the same time, kind of shy. James had never met a hooker like that in his life. Hell, he'd never met _anyone_ like that in his life.

 _God, I really wanna kiss him right now,_ James thought to himself as their eyes locked. He saw a faint blush tint the blonde's cheeks as his eyes strayed downward. "So," he said, keeping his tone light. "Are you from LA?"

"Nope. Henderson, Nevada. What about you?"

"Born here, raised here. You'd think I'd be bored of it by now. But I still love the city."

Kendall nodded, flashing another smile. "I moved here a couple of years ago, and I was totally blown away. I'm from a big city and all, but everything just seemed so much bigger and brighter here! It made me feel . . . I dunno, really tiny."

They sat there for half an hour, talking nonstop. With every sentence, Kendall seemed to become more incredible. He was a lot smarter than James would've thought he'd be, and he was just so _nice_. Yes, a pathetic description, but right then it was all James could think of. Whenever he said something ridiculously stupid that made him want to drown himself, Kendall would ignore it; James was sure anyone else would laugh at him. _He_ wanted to laugh.

"Something's just occurred to me," Kendall said thoughtfully, tilting his head a little (and looking totally adorable when he did.) "If you're from LA, how come you couldn't even find a bus stop?"

"Oh! Uh, well . . . you see, I was kind of zoned out that day. And I get lost a lot, anyway."

"Are you sure it wasn't a ploy to get an excuse to socialise with the locals?" Carlos cut in. James wanted to punch him.

Kendall started laughing. "I like that. If only I'd thought of it sooner."

James smiled at Kendall, who smiled back at him. Carlos and Matt and everyone else disappeared. It was just the two of them, together—

"Ahem, if I may interrupt, we kinda need to get going," Matt said apologetically, hopping off the stool. "C'mon, Kendall."

James spun around so he was facing the two. "I guess . . . I'll see you around, maybe?"

Kendall smiled. "Maybe." Matt tugged on his arm and he sighed. "Bye, James, Carlos."

"See ya," the two on the stools said at the same time. James watched them leave, unable to hide the smile on his face.

 

* * *

  
The living room was empty except for two guys, Derek and Adam, sitting in the corner and playing poker. Kendall sat down on the couch and Matt sat next to him. The car ride home had been surprisingly silent. Kendall found it strange; Matt was usually chatting all the way home, but he'd been so quiet, and Kendall had never been great at breaking silences.

"What did you think of James? That was his name, right?"

Kendall nodded, smiling. "I like him. He might be terrible with pickup lines, but he was pretty cool. Funny. And hot." He paused. "So, what did you think of that guy, Carlos? He seemed nice."

Matt shrugged. "I dunno. He's not really my type."

"Oh? What is your type, then?" Kendall asked. He was confused. He'd never heard of Matt having a type at all.

Matt's eyes left his for a split second before coming back up with a teasing glint. "Maybe that's something you're just not meant to know."

Kendall was now even more confused. He was about to ask Matt what he meant by this, but the older boy stood up and left the room without another word. Kendall turned back to the TV, frowning thoughtfully. Matt was just probably being Matt, and messing around. There couldn't really be anything wrong, could there?

"Hey, babe."

Kendall's eyes flickered towards the doorway, where Logan was standing, hands in his pockets. "Hey, Logan." As the smaller boy sat next to him and perched his feet up on the coffee table, Kendall turned to him with a long sigh, trying to hide a smile. "By the way, didn't I tell you to stop calling me that? _Someone_ might hear you and get the wrong idea."

"If by someone you mean Sean, he's out with some friends." Logan leaned back against the cushions with a lazy smile. "Besides, you know that if I can't call you babe then I'll call you Kendie. And you _hate_ that nickname."

Kendall couldn't help chuckling. "Point taken." His eyes had absent-mindedly strayed towards the ceiling when Logan spoke again.

"Matt just walked past me when I came in. He went into our room. He looked kinda down; you know what's wrong with him?"

Kendall shrugged. "Nope. But . . . if it was something serious, he'd tell us, wouldn't he?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Kendall sighed again; he'd been sighing a lot lately. Maybe if Sean wasn't around, it'd be ok to talk. "Logie, why do you think Sean . . . I mean . . . he says he loves me, then he pushes me around and treats me like a piece of trash and expects me to forgive him and let him do it all over again. I mean, what's his problem?" He paused for breath. He didn't care how it sounded. This was something he'd never talked openly about before, and he needed to get that rant off his chest; it'd been building up there for a while.

Logan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I dunno, babe. If you want an honest opinion, I think he does love you at least a little bit. He's just a control freak, and a bit of jerk." He paused. "Not to mention that nasty temper of his. Look, don't worry about it. Things like this always work themselves out."

"Do they, Logan? Because right now, I really doubt it."

* * *

 

  
James spotted the familiar head of dark brown curls sitting at the bar and walked straight over. "Hey, Camille!"

She turned around, her face splitting into a grin. "James! Hi!"

James walked over and sat next to her. "I haven't seen you in weeks! How are you?"

"I'm great. What about you?"

The conversation took off from there. James and Camille had been friends since they were little kids, and could talk about anything. And when Camille had called to suggest they meet up, James had immediately agreed, and they'd made the arrangements.

James didn't tell her why he'd suggested this particular place. He hoped she'd just assume he like the atmosphere of the place. He was watching out for Kendall. Again. It was Monday now; three days after he'd met him at the bar he was sitting at right now. Yes, he was totally desperate; he really didn't care. Since having a proper conversation with Kendall, the blonde was stuck in his head even more. He couldn't concentrate on anything; he'd poured a smoothie into his cereal that morning when Kendall's smile had popped into his head, he'd walked straight into a door when Kendall's laughing voice had echoed in his mind, and he'd almost ran a red light onto his way to meet Camille when thinking about Kendall's ass in those jeans of his.

Then he realised she was waving a hand in front of his face. "James, wakey wakey!"

James mentally shook himself. "Sorry, Cam. I've been in a bit of a daze lately."

"Why? Are you sick?"

"Nope."

"Problems with Carlos and the girls? Or your family?"

"No way."

"On drugs?"

"Hell no!"

Camille paused, dumping her empty glass on the bar thoughtfully. "I know! You met someone, didn't you? You met a girl!" She paused. "Wait. NO! You met a boy! That's it! You've never acted like this over a girl, ever. Who is he? What's his name? Tell me _everything_!"

James chuckled. "Ok. First, his name is Kendall. I met him here, maybe a week and a half ago. Then I ran into him again on Friday night. That's really it." He gave a long sigh. "But I'm kinda head over heels already."

"That's so sweet!" Camille's eyes flickered to her watch, and she groaned. "I need to get home. Me and Rachael are going out with the other girls." She got up, they both paid for their drinks and headed out.

"We should do this again sometime," Camille said as she hopped into her car. James nodded, smiling.

"Bye, Cam." He waved her off as she drove away. He walked across to where his own car was, and was just about to get in when something caught his attention.

"Get your hands off me!"

 


	3. Nobody Will Break You

  
"Get your hands off me!"

"Kendall, you're not going anywhere. Got that?"

James looked around and then saw the source of the noise. He saw Kendall standing on the corner, struggling with some guy who was holding him tightly by both arms. The guy holding him gave a sly smile. "Just relax a little bit, will you?"

"I'm not kidding, Wayne; let go of me right now!"

James re-locked his car and stormed right over. "Hey, dude! Back off!"

The guy (Wayne) gripped Kendall tighter, eyes narrowed. "Mind your own business." He turned back to Kendall, who made another attempt to shove him away.

James's hand flew into his pocket, pulling out his badge. "Hey, I'm a cop. That makes it my business."

"James, tell him to leave me alone," Kendall almost pleaded, and then the jerk cut in, "Nobody tells me to do any—"

" _Hey!_ " James interrupted. "Do we have a problem here, or are you gonna back off?"

Wayne sighed, loosening his hold on Kendall's arms a little. "No, _Officer_ ," he sneered. He turned back to look at Kendall. "Later, babe." Then he turned and walked away. Kendall stood there, breathing hard and refusing to look James in the eye. His hands were suddenly over the patches of pale skin that Wayne had been holding onto; it was almost like he was trying to hide them.

"You ok?" James asked him. He looked up then, and as usual, James fell in love with his bright, innocent eyes. "Yeah," he said, smiling slowly. "I'm . . . I'm fine." He paused. "I didn't know you were a cop."

Actually, I work in the crime forensics lab, but it's all the same thing." He smiled back. "Does it bother you?"

Kendall shook his head. "Cops have never bothered me." He ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. "By the way, that was great timing. Thank you."

James just shrugged. "You need a ride?"

"Do you mind?"

"Nah. Come on." James led Kendall over to the car, getting in and watching the blonde slide into the passenger's seat. "Thanks."

James fished around in the glove compartment until he found his GPS. "I'm hopeless with directions," he said with a grin, handing it over. "Just type the address in there."

He did, and besides the little robotic voice's directions, it was pretty silent in the car.

" _Drive 500 meters, then turn right."_

Then Kendall spoke up. "What's it like? Being a cop?"

James was a little surprised by the question. He answered anyway. "Well, it's cool, I guess. Sometimes my job in the department can get a little gross, but I don't really mind much." He laughed. "Plus, it's great fun to just pull out your badge and take charge, like I did ten minutes ago."

Kendall laughed too. "No offence, but I didn't really think you were the type to be a cop. I just didn't expect it of you."

James shrugged. "Nobody does. Me and my friend Carlos; the guy from the bar, remember him?" When Kendall nodded, he went on. "When we told our other friends we were taken college courses to work in the police department, half of them thought we were joking." He paused. "What about you?"

"Hmm?" Kendall looked over at him. "What about me?"

" _Turn left in 50 meters."_

"Has a job in prostitution always been on your 'When I grow up' list or . . ."

"Oh!" Kendall smiled. "No. When I was a kid, and I wanted to play ice hockey."

"Really?"

"Uh huh." This time it was Kendall who shrugged. "It was never a realistic ambition."

" _You have arrived."_

"Well," Kendall said, sighing. "Thanks for the ride."

"No problem." Neither of them moved. James looked over at Kendall, then attempted to sound light-hearted. "We should do this again sometime."

"Do what?" Kendall asked, smirking playfully and making James's heart flutter. "You giving me a ride home after rescuing me from a hideous monster?"

"Yeah, totally!" James's smile faltered a little. "Who was that guy anyway?"

"Nobody important. Really." He sighed, and then smiled at James. "If you wanna do this again, maybe I should give you my number."

James could only stare before nodding, trying not to seem too eager as he pulled his phone out and handed it to Kendall. "Maybe I should give you mine." Kendall pulled his phone out and handed it over. James typed his number in and gave it back to him, and then Kendall did the same. "I'll see you around," he said as he opened the door of the car and got out. James watched him walk up to the front door, noticing how his hips swayed slightly as he moved. He pulled out his keys, then unlocked the door and walked in. He turned around and waved before shutting the door. James started the car and drove away, tempted to open the window and scream to all the pedestrians, "I just got his number! Am I good or what?"

* * *

 

Kendall rested his back against the door, unable to hide the smile on his face. Eric walked into the hallway after hearing the door shut. "Hey, Kendall. Why the happy face?"

Kendall just shrugged, giggling a little. Eric rolled his eyes. "I saw you and that guy in the car outside. Who is he?"

Kendall looked at him. "What guy?" he asked innocently. "You mean the cab driver?"

Eric just gave him a blank look. Then he rolled up his sleeves. "Right. So that's how it's gonna be, is it?" Then he darted forward and grabbed Kendall by the waist, lifting him over his shoulders and carrying him down the hallway. Kendall's fists pounded on his back weakly; he was laughing too hard to make a real effort. "Eric, put me down!"

"Not until you tell me who he is!" Eric flung the door to their room open, kicking it shut as he practically threw Kendall onto his bed, before climbing on top of him and pinning him there. "Now, _enlighten_ me!"

"What are you gonna do?" Kendall asked teasingly. "Rape me?" It was funny, how now he could use that word so light-heartedly. Funny how things had changed so much.

"Maybe. Besides, you know you want it." Eric sat up, though he was still keeping Kendall trapped between his thighs, his hands pinning Kendall's wrists on either side of his head. "Now, tell me who he is."

"He's nobody!" When Eric shook his head in disbelief, Kendall gave a long sigh. "Fine," he said. "Just don't tell anybody. Got it?"

Eric nodded. "Now, tell me."

Kendall took a deep breath. "His name is James." He was careful to keep his voice low. "He just gave me a ride home cos that jerk Wayne was—"

"Hold on!" Eric grinned. "It's not Bus Guy, is it?"

When Kendall just raised his eyebrows, Eric continued. "The guy who asked you and Logan where the bus station was. Logan told me about it. Then Matt told me that last Friday you and him hung out with a couple of guys at the bar, and one of them was called James, and you knew him already."

"Oh. Yeah, that's him." Kendall's gaze drifted towards the ceiling. "Don't tell anybody. Especially Logan; you know he can't keep secrets. And if Sean finds out, I'm dead."

Eric nodded solemnly. "My lips are sealed." He paused. "So, d'you think Sean might really get pissed at you if he found out?"

"Of course he would. You know what he's like!"

Eric laughed. "He's like a pain in the ass. Literally."

"Oh, and you'd know, would you?" Before waiting for an answer, he said, "Can we move on?"

"Sure." Eric was smirking now. "I'm glad you got home, by the way. Logan was the only one here and he just wanted to read his stupid _book_. I was so bored!"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "And what am I supposed to do about that?"

"Entertain me." Eric grinded their hips together, leaning down and grazing his lips against Kendall's neck.

"You're such a whore," Kendall murmured, fighting back a smile.

"Don't flatter me, Blondie. You're making me blush."

It went without saying that Eric had a strange sense of humour. There was always sex involved somewhere. Eric grinded their hips together again, but neither Kendall's mind nor his body reacted to this; he saw Eric as a brother. That was all he was and that was all he'd ever be. Kendall knew that Eric felt the same even as he felt the other boy's tongue leave a damp trail along his throat.

The door swung open, and Kendall's head spun frantically, thinking _Please don't let it be Sean, **please** —_

But it was only Matt, although right now he was staring at them in horror. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" Kendall looked up at Eric, who was still leaning over him. "Eric, you gonna get off me now?"

"Nope," Eric replied with a grin, grinding against him again and earning a chuckle from Kendall. Matt wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked furious. And Kendall couldn't understand why.

"Kendall!"

Kendall looked up at the sound of Logan calling him from some other part of the house. "Eric, I need to go see what Logan wants."

"You don't need to do anything," Eric teased, bending down and nibbling on his ear. Kendall rolled his eyes, but his smile disappeared when Matt stepped forward, suddenly looking really frightening. "Get off him, Eric."

Eric sighed, but got up. "Relax, _Mattie._ We're just kidding around."

As Kendall left the room, he couldn't even see how it made a difference to Matt if Eric was messing around with him or not. He walked into the kitchen, where Logan was holding a book in one hand and a sandwich in the other. "Kendall, you know that tight black T-shirt you have? Mind if I borrow it?"

"Yeah, that's ok." Kendall paused, then sat down at the table with a smirk on his face. "Can I ask why?"

"Well . . ." Logan put the book down and smiled. "I met this guy. And I know I've never really cared much about dates in the past, but I kinda want to make an effort this time."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, he was nicer than the others were before. You know. He was a Type C."

"Ah. Yes. That explains it." To a hooker, or at least to Kendall and Logan, there were three types of guys. There was Type A; the guys who treated them like pieces of trash just because of their 'profession'. They mocked them, scowled at them, one had even spat at Kendall once. He'd ended up with a black eye; Matt had been there at the time, and had taken offence to it. Then there was Type B; the kind that acted like they wanted to get to know them and didn't think they were lowlifes, when really they just wanted to get in their pants without having to pay for it. These were more common than Type A, and Logan had been with a lot of them. He claimed he couldn't care less about 'all those creeps, anyway', but Kendall knew that it sometimes upset him. And then there was Type C; the rarest. These were the guys that actually did care about what they had to say, and enjoyed spending real time with them that didn't involve anyone getting naked. James had hopefully been one of those; he definitely wasn't a Type A. He didn't seem like a B either, and Kendall really, _really_ hoped he wasn't. Sometimes at the start it was difficult to tell.

"You sure he's not a B?" Kendall asked, just to make sure.

"I'm pretty sure. He actually kept his eyes on my face when we were talking, and that's a good sign, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." He paused. "So," he smiled again. "What's his name?"

"Carlos. He's a cop, you know. Showed me his badge and all."

"Wait." Kendall frowned thoughtfully. "Is he short, with dark hair? A Latino, right?"

"Uh huh."

"I may know him. Either that or he's got a twin."

Logan looked up suspiciously and opened his mouth to ask why when they both heard yelling coming from the other room. First they both stared at each other in confusion, then both leaped up and headed towards their room. They stormed in, only to see Eric and Matt throwing punches at each other and yelling insults at the same time. Kendall and Logan gave each other a stunned look before hurrying forward, Logan grabbing Eric and pulling him away while Kendall grabbed Matt. "What's wrong with you two?" Logan demanded. "Who started this?"

"He did!" Matt snarled, struggling with the hold Kendall had on him. "I'm sick of him, the asshole!"

Eric didn't look as angry as Matt. In fact, he was laughing. "I'm not the asshole, Matt! I don't take my anger out on innocent bystanders—"

"You get what you deserve, you stupid prick!"

"You're both acting like little kids!" Logan cut in. "Just grow up!"

There was a long silence. Then Eric spoke again. "I guess you'll do anything to get what you want, won't you Mattie?" he taunted, a savage glint still in his eyes.

Matt looked ready to strangle him at this point, but he didn't say anything. He turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.


	4. I'm On Like That

  
"My client isn't going to answer any more questions," the dark-haired woman said firmly. Her client, a short skinny guy who really gave James the creeps, sneered at them.

"That's alright," Carlos said, smiling grimly back. "We're not asking any questions, are we, James?"

"No we're not." James opened the file and pulled out several photographs and printed DNA records. "We have evidence that Annie Broderick was killed by blunt force trauma, when someone hit her on the head with this baseball bat right here." He pointed at the first photo. "You're fingerprints were found on the handle. Her blood was on the shirt we found at your apartment cos you didn't have the brains to get rid of it. You don't have a reliable alibi, and now you're under arrest for murdering your own sister because she was gonna stop paying for all your bad little habits."

James slammed the file shut. "No questions asked."

He stood up and left the room, knowing Carlos was following.

"Nice work," Carlos said with a grin as they walked into the brighter, more crowded hallway. "You solved that faster than I've ever seen."

James shrugged. "It wasn't hard. Guy was stupid enough to make it easy for me." He paused. "So, are you up for pizza tonight? The girls are coming too."

"Can't," Carlos replied, grinning. "I'm going out with someone else, remember?"

"Oh yeah. How could I forget after you talked about it yesterday . . . and this morning . . . and at lunch . . . about ten times."

"Hey, you never stop talking about Kendall. I have rights too, you know!" He paused. "Did you call him yet?"

"Actually, I was thinking of doing that now. Since the case is solved, there's not much for me to do at this very moment."

"I'll leave you to it, then. I've got a call down in Interrogation 2."

Carlos left, and James immediately pulled out his phone. He scrolled down until he found the number and then dialled it, waiting in anticipation. He sighed in disappointment when he heard, _"Hey, it's Kendall. Leave a message."_

"Hey, it's me. James. Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime this week, maybe? Um, call me and let me know. Or don't. But, uh, I hope you do. Ok, bye."

He hung up, and heard a voice from behind him. "Wow, you've got it bad."

He turned around, rolling his eyes at Summer. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Yes. In fact, I'm on my way to inspect a mangled body found in a dumpster downtown," she replied. "But I still find this entertaining."

"Go away," James said with another eye roll. "I'm trying to figure out how to spend my time waiting for the call back."

* * *

The hotel room was filled with the sounds of moaning and panting. The only movement was on the king-sized bed at one end of the room. It was rocking under their weight as Kendall and some random stranger thrust against each other, Kendall's mind mostly on the five hundred dollars he'd earned that was now in the pocket of his jeans, which were currently tossed on the carpeted floor of the room.

The guy was tall and broad-shouldered, with shaggy red hair. His hands had Kendall's hips in a vice grip, lifting him up and tugging him back down as fast and hard as he could. Kendall was bouncing along with him, panting as he continued to ride the stranger's cock. He let out a whine as he felt the guy ramming into his ass even harder than he thought possible. It was times like this when he wished he'd stretched himself a little more beforehand.

"So hot," the guy managed to stutter out, grunting as Kendall bounced faster. "So fucking hot . . ."

Kendall could feel himself getting closer to the edge, but it didn't really affect him as much as it probably affected the guy underneath him, who was now panting and digging his fingers into Kendall's skin.

Kendall finally reached his climax, hands resting on the redhead's shoulders as he rolled off him and onto the bed. A condom flew over his head and landed on the carpet. Kendall lay there for a few seconds, eyes solely focused on the ceiling instead of the guy next to him who was now resting a hand on Kendall's arm. Kendall moved away from him, sitting up and getting off the bed, reaching down for his clothes. When it came to sex with clients, there were three rules. For him, at least:

1\. Condoms. If whoever it was refused to wear one, he was out, no questions asked.

2\. No touching him after sex. He never wanted to stay in that room longer than he had to. And he just didn't like it.

3\. Absolutely _no_ kisses. Way too intimate and not something he wanted to get into.

There were a lot more rules, but those three were the most significant.

Kendall was just buttoning up his shirt when the guy said, "Wait."

Kendall turned around. "Yeah?"

The redhead was rooting around in his wallet, then he pulled out a fifty dollar bill and held it out. "Here."

Kendall didn't take it. "Dude, you already paid me."

"Yeah, but I wanna give you a tip." He grinned. "That was pretty good."

Kendall took the money, smiling. "Thank you." He then turned and walked towards the door. As soon as he was out in the hallway, he leaned against the wall and started digging around in his frayed messenger bag. He took out his comb and stuck the handle between his teeth as he continued digging around, looking for his phone. After pushing aside a box of condoms, a bottle of lube, a dildo and his wallet, he found it and pulled it out. He turned on his phone as he walked towards the elevator, fixing his messy hair at the same time.

He saw he had one new voicemail and opened it, ignoring the two men who watched him with wandering eyes as he entered the elevator. He heard the familiar voice and had to stop himself from laughing at the awkwardness. _"Hey, it's me. James. Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime this week, maybe? Um, just call me and let me know. Or don't. But I hope you do. Uh, alright, bye."_

Kendall smiled to himself. _"If you want to make a call to this person, press one."_

He stepped out of the elevator, walking through the crowded lobby as he heard the phone ring once, twice, three times. _"Hello?"_ The voice on the other end sounded eager.

"Hey." Kendall paused, not sure what to say next. He settled with, "I got your message." He paused again. "Are you free Thursday night?"

" _Yeah, Thursday's great. Um . . . how about eight? I could meet you at that hotel from last time, what's it called . . ."_

"Crystal. So, I'll meet you there."

" _Yeah. Great."_ There was a pause. _"So, how've you been?"_

Kendall was rooting around in his pocket for the fifty dollar bill as he flagged a taxi, the phone balanced between his shoulder and ear. "I'm good. You?"

" _Fine. Work's been a little hectic for the past week."_

"Tell me." Kendall quickly covered the mouthpiece and told the cab driver the address, before going back on the phone. "I kinda find it interesting."

" _I was just working on a murder case. Finished it off today, though. We don't even have to go to court."_

"You sound like one of them guys on CSI," Kendall replied, laughing.

" _I do, don't I?"_ He heard laughter. _"There's also the fact that Carlos has been driving me nuts all week. He's going out on a date tonight and he's totally obsessed. Some guy called Logan that he'd already hooked on—"_

"Logan?" Kendall was surprised. "That's funny, cos my friend Logan is going out with a guy called Carlos tonight, and he's been going on about it nonstop."

" _Coincidence?"_

"I think not."

Both laughed, and Kendall suddenly came flying back to gloomy reality as the taxi stopped. "James, I gotta go. I'll see you Thursday."

" _See you."_

Kendall handed the driver the fifty as he climbed out. Once he got his change he went into the house. Nobody was around that he could see. He went into his room, throwing his bag on his bed. He left again and went down the hallway, grabbing a towel from the cupboard on his way to the bathroom.

The warm water felt good on his upturned face. But he worried.

He liked James, a lot. He didn't care that they'd pretty much only just met; he felt like he'd known him a lot longer. Somewhere in the back of his mind, there were fantasies about what life would be like if he could be with James, with no boundaries, nothing to hide. But there was Sean. Sean was a problem. There were also tiny little fantasies in Kendall's head about what life would be like if he and Sean actually had a normal relationship, if they'd just met in a different scenario. But somehow, he knew they could never have a normal relationship. Sean wasn't the type to be loving.

Tears mingled with the shower spray on Kendall face. He hadn't cried in a long time. He'd wanted to, but he'd held it in. Maybe now was as good a time as any. However, he maintained his composure and took a deep, shuddering breath. This was partly why he didn't hear the shower curtain open.

He felt two strong arms wrap around his waist and jumped about a foot in the air. He heard a dark chuckle and then a voice in his ear. "Sorry, baby, did I scare you?"

Kendall turned around, Sean's arms still around him. "Yeah, just a bit. Next time, can you warn me when you're gonna interrupt my shower?"

Sean just chuckled again, arms tightening and moving down to Kendall's ass as he backed him against the shower wall. Kendall let out a yelp as Sean's hands moved to his hips and he lifted him up, pushing him against the wall. He let out a groan as Sean slammed right into him. He wound his legs around his 'boyfriend's waist, moaning loudly as he let his mind drift away. He was really glad he'd already been stretched.

Sex with Sean wasn't something he enjoyed. It was something he just stuck through, practically counting down until it was over and he could just get out of there. He let Sean kiss him and touch him, when the whole time he was thinking, 'How much longer?'

As if on cue, Sean finally came, teeth sinking into Kendall's lip. Kendall kissed him furiously, knowing he liked it. Giving him what he wanted was usually best. Sean opened his eyes and looked at him, dark eyes glittering. Kendall just stared back, not daring to blink.

Then Sean pulled out and set Kendall back on the shower floor. "I think I hear somebody downstairs. I'm gonna go see who it is."

 _And collect their cash, you prick,_ Kendall said in his mind. Instead, he just smiled. "You do that, babe. I'll give you mine when I'm dressed."

Sean left the shower, getting dressed and leaving the bathroom. Kendall turned and resumed washing his hair. Once he was done, he climbed out and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist, leaving the room.

When he entered his bedroom, Logan was standing at the closet, holding two pairs of skinny jeans and obviously debating which one to wear. He turned around when Kendall came in. "Oh, thank God! A second opinion!"

"Wear the paler ones," Kendall said, barely turning to look. "And have fun."


	5. Love is a Flower, and You its Only Seed

  
Logan hopped out of the taxi, unable to stop smiling. He didn't even care that he'd just lost thirty dollars because the other guys had taken the cars. He looked around, and then after a couple of minutes, spotted his date. He felt like singing as he made his way over to Carlos. "Hi!"

Carlos turned. "Hi." He was silent for a second, then he said, "Will we go, then?"

He held out his hand. Logan took it and they went inside the tall building. Logan expected them to go down one of the hallways, but then Carlos led him over to the elevator.

Logan stepped into the elevator. Carlos punched the top floor button, and the doors slid shut. "The restaurant is on the roof," Carlos explained to Logan, who looked a little confused. "It's a great place."

Logan smiled. "It's on a roof? I already like the sound of it."

The elevator stopped and they stepped out. Logan started to laugh. "Wow. If I'd known how swanky this place was, I would've worn something better."

"I think you look perfect," Carlos replied. He took Logan's hand. "C'mon. The best seats are outside," he grinned, leading Logan out the door and onto the roof, where there were a few tables, some occupied by couples, some empty. They went and sat down at a table, picking menus up and opening them.

Even when a waitress came to take their order, Logan was trying so hard to think of something to say. Then Carlos said, "Do you like hockey?"

Logan was almost startled by the randomness of the question, but replied, "Yeah, I love it. Ice or field?"

"Ice, all the way!" Carlos chuckled. "Field hockey is for girls."

"I know! Everyone's always telling me it's perfectly manly, but c'mon. The chicks even wear skirts when they play. I think that says enough on its own."

More chatting came with ease. They talked about sports, music, movies, friends, and pretty much everything else. It was so easy. When their food came, they didn't even notice it at first; they were now in the middle of a deep conversation about the countries they'd most like to visit.

When they got their check, Carlos stood up and headed over to the edge of the roof, where a brick wall stopped anyone falling off the edge. "I love the view up here," Logan breathed, standing next to him.

Carlos nodded in agreement. "This brings back memories," he said, gazing down at the busy street.

"How?"

Carlos turned to grin at Logan. "I lived in the apartment complex with my family, and when we were kids my best friend James and I would drop water balloons on the people walking underneath."

Logan laughed. "Well, you can't do that anymore now that you work with the law, can you?"

"Nope." Carlos chuckled. "So, I would ask what you are, but I already know, so . . ." He trailed off. "How's work going for you?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Boring, really." He paused. "You know, I always wanted to be a doctor."

"Really?"

"Uh huh. But the thing is, my family never had a lot of cash. I could barely afford to go to college and med school was out of the question. Then I started, well, what I do now, hoping over time I could save up enough to try and get in." He sighed. "I know it's totally unrealistic; I doubt I'd get in at this stage—"

"I think it's great." When Logan looked confused, Carlos went on. "You're following your dream, y'know? Not a lot of people do that." He smiled warmly. "And I bet you would get in if you applied. It's never too late to try. A friend of mine went to med school when he was thirty."

"Oh yeah? How's he doing?"

"Well, none of his patients have died yet, so . . . good."

Logan laughed. "Well, thanks. You're sweet."

Carlos smiled back. "You're welcome."

They were silent for a few seconds, just watching each other. Then Logan blushed, looking at the floor. "I like you. A lot."

Carlos bent his head slightly, resting his forehead against Logan's. "I like you too," he murmured, before closing the gap between their lips. Logan let out a faint gasp, turning to face Carlos properly and rested his hands on the Latino's shoulders. Carlos's hands joined Logan's waist as he pulled him closer. After what seemed like hours, Carlos slowly pulled back, just managing to catch his breath.

Logan grinned at him. "You're very forward, aren't you?"

Carlos shrugged. "Hey, that's how I roll."

They were still laughing and smiling even as they paid for the food and rode the elevator back down. "How are you getting home?" Carlos asked as they made their way back out onto the street.

"Well, I took a taxi here, so—"

"Wrong. I'm taking you. This way." Carlos led Logan over to where his car was parked. "Hop in."

Twenty minutes later, when Logan was back inside his own house, all he could think was, _"Best. Night. Ever!"_

* * *

" _No need to be scared, we're just gonna play a little game . . ."_

" _I don't want to! No, l-let go!"_

Kendall's eyes flew open to see the ceiling, not the twisted face from his dream. He sat up and looked around the room. Logan was lying on his back, eyes shut. Matt was snoring softly. Eric was sleeping with his head on the floor, like he often did.

Kendall let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. He hadn't had dreams like that in ages. Anyone else would probably say he'd grown out of them. He'd learned that anyone could have nightmares, no matter how old or young they were. Anyone could be scared enough. He wasn't scared anymore. But that didn't make him forget.

He looked down at the thin sheets covering his body. He could almost still feel the hands touching him; he had to lift the sheet just to make sure nothing was in his bed with him. He rested against the headboard, letting his eyes drift shut again. Then he remembered. Today was Thursday. The day he and James were going out. His heartbeat sped up and he had to check one more time that the other guys were asleep, so they wouldn't say the huge smile on his face.

That day was quiet and uneventful, and it seemed like only two minutes had passed, but suddenly it was 7:30 and he had no idea what to wear. The huge swarm of butterflies in his stomach sure didn't help either.

"Hey, Eric?" Kendall held up two shirts. They were the only two in their room, and he really needed another opinion. Or just one opinion. He was totally stumped. "The red or the black?"

"Black," Eric replied instantly. "It goes better with your hair, and your skin." Eric chuckled. "No, how about white? I bet you'd look like some kind of virgin sacrifice!"

Kendall burst into laughter. "A virgin sacrifice? _Me?_ "

"Yeah! I could totally picture you wearing this long white dress and jumping into a volcano . . ."

Eric had to duck to avoid getting a shoe in the face. "Fine, fine, no dress! Maybe just the shirt, we could get you an oversize one, that'd be sexy—"

Kendall through his other shoe at him. "You know, I'm not surprised you're not in a relationship at the moment."

"Why is that?"

Kendall just rolled his eyes and put the black shirt on, buttoning it up. He looked back over at Eric to see him sitting on his bed, looking extremely fed up. "Is something wrong?"

Eric nodded with a sigh. "I guess so." He looked up at Kendall. "Am I really so bad that nobody wants to be with me?"

"Oh." Kendall was surprised. "Hey, I didn't really mean that. I was just kidding."

"Were you?"

" _Yes_." Kendall went and sat next to him. "Look, there's nothing wrong with you, Eric. It's just that sometimes it seems you can't take anything seriously."

"So, that's not attractive?"

"I guess it depends on the person."

"What do you think of it?"

Kendall was slightly taken aback. "I'm not into it. Life isn't a picnic, and you can't just skip out on the difficult parts."

"I know." Eric sighed. "Maybe I should try a change."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to. I think I'd feel better knowing people aren't just listening to what I say and then rolling their eyes when I look away."

"No one does that!"

"Fine, a mental eyes roll, then."

The two blondes were silent for a few seconds. Then they both started to laugh. Kendall lay back, laughter making his body shake. Then he remembered. "Oh, I gotta get going!"

He leaped to his feet and ran out the bedroom door. He was about to grab the car keys when Eric called him back. "Kendall, you're not wearing any pants."

* * *

James stood outside the hotel nervously, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Then he heard that familiar (and gorgeous) voice. He turned around and spotted Kendall walking towards him and felt himself melting, as usual. He was wearing pale jeans that hugged his thighs perfectly, along with a tight black shirt. He looked incredible. Although he was wearing casual enough clothes, it was the way he wore them. James himself wore a white shirt, black jeans and a black suit jacket.

He smiled in greeting as Kendall walked up to him. "Hey. You look great."

Kendall smiled sweetly. "Thanks. You too." He paused. "So, where are we going?"

"This really cool Italian place. It's just around the corner."

"Ok. Will we go, then?"

They both started the walk to the restaurant. They were walking close together, and their hands kept bumping together. James, after a moment of hesitation, reached out and took Kendall's hand loosely in his. He couldn't hide his smile when Kendall laced their fingers together. His heart was pounding hard he was surprised it hadn't just popped right out of his chest. That'd be weird.

They walked into the restaurant and sat down at a table. "I like it here," Kendall said absent-mindedly, looking around at the different groups of people chattering loudly.

"You don't think it's too . . . busy?"

Kendall shook his head. "Quiet places are overrated." He smiled at James. "I think it makes the place look like no one wants to eat there."

James started to laugh. "Good point." He reached into his jacket pocket to look for his phone so he could turn it off; he didn't want any interruptions. He felt it and took it out. After switching it off, he put it back in his pocket. Then he realised, that besides the phone and his keys, his pocket was empty. He looked in the other pocket. Completely empty. So were the pockets of his jeans.

Oh, God, this couldn't be happening to him . . .

"James, you ok?"

"Er . . . um . . ." James settled with whispering. "I, um, I think I left my wallet at home."

It was after about six seconds that he dared look at Kendall. He was surprised to see him start laughing. "Oh, James, you should see your face!"

James hid his face in his hands. "Oh God, I feel like such an idiot . . ." He peeked out from behind his fingers to see Kendall still laughing. "It's not funny!"

"James, it's hilarious. For me anyway." He cleared his throat and put on a slightly more serious face. "Come on, then. Let's get out of here." He stood up, waiting as James got up too and followed him out. They both gave the manager an apologetic smile as they walked back out into the street.

James turned to Kendall. "I'm so sorry! I seriously can't believe I just did that, now the night is just . . . dead."

"Dead?" Kendall rolled his eyes. "You're exaggerating." After a second he reached out and took James's hand. "C'mon." He led him down the street, past late night shoppers and other pedestrians.

"Where are we going?" James asked.

"I've got cash on me, but not enough for a place like that. Let's just go to In-N-Out or something." He paused to look at James. "You don't mind, do you?"

"No, of course not, but . . ." James trailed off, lost for words.

Kendall just tugged him through the door on the In-N-Out, leading him over to the counter. Once they had their food they sat down at a table in the back. "I feel so stupid," James mumbled. "First crappy pick-up lines, then terrible voicemails, now _this_. _I_ was supposed to take _you_ out."

"Don't worry about it," Kendall said, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. "Everyone does things like that once in a while." He gave a flirty smile. "If it bothers you so much, you can take me back there and pay next time."

James choked on a French fry. "Next time? Really?" He swallowed, with difficulty. "After a screw-up like tonight’s, I thought there was no way you'd want to go out with me ever again!"

"Are you kidding?" Kendall actually looked surprised. "No way!" He paused, a blush tinting his cheeks. "I think you're . . . really nice, and I'd like to keep seeing you."

James grinned. "I think you're nice too."

Suddenly they both reached for their food in an awkward silence. For a few minutes, there was just the sound of chewing. Then James looked at Kendall again. "You know, you're different to how I expected you to be."

"How so?" Kendall asked, puzzled.

"Well . . . just, what with your, _ahem_ , profession and all, and the fact I've met other people like that . . . I just thought you'd be different."

Kendall smiled. "Is this a bad different or . . .?"

"Good different," James replied without hesitation. He thought for a second before asking, "What do you think you'd be doing right now if you weren't . . . well . . ."

"If I weren't a hooker," Kendall finished for him. "Don't be afraid to say it." He paused thoughtfully. "I dunno what I'd be doing. I got good grades in school but I never liked it much, so I don't think I'd have gone to college for very long."

Anything you would've liked to do?" James persisted. There was just something about him that made James want to find out as much as he could about the blonde.

Kendall looked thoughtful again. "I like working with kids."

"Really?" James was surprised again. This wasn't something he'd expected.

"Yeah. I've got a little sister, Katie. Though she's about seventeen now, I used to look after her all the time when she was little. And other kids too; it was just something I was good at."

James couldn't help smiling. "Ok, now you're nothing like I expected." His smile widened. "But I like that."

Kendall smiled. "Good." He paused, taking a sip of his milkshake. "So, no one expected you to be a cop. Why is that?"

James chuckled. "Well, I was never a responsible person. Me and Carlos were always causing trouble. And we were a little crazy. This one time we had to do a project at school. It was about helping the environment, so we thought it was a good idea to have a cow in every house. So we got a cow and put it in Carlos's apartment."

Kendall was hysterical. "Are you serious?"

James nodded, grinning. "Then the cow got loose and we spent the day running around the apartment complex looking for it."

Kendall wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "And what grade did you get?"

"A D. Honestly, I think we were lucky with that. That's just one of the ridiculous things we did. There's plenty more."

Kendall's smile changed to a flirty smirk. "Well, you'll have to tell me all about them sometime."

James grinned. "I look forward to it." They talked for another while longer, James cracking jokes and Kendall laughing, or Kendall saying something that made James fall for him harder than ever.

James, hoping it wasn't too late, looked at his watch. He made a face. "Kendall, I need to get going. I've gotta get up at like, six tomorrow morning."

Kendall smiled. "Let's get out of here, then."

"Do you need a lift home?" James asked, once they were back out in the street.

"No, I drove here. But thanks anyway."

James smiled. "You're welcome."

Kendall smirked. "Even if you did forget your wallet, I had a great time tonight.."

"Me too."

Kendall didn't say anything. Neither did James. So they both leaned just a little closer. James could feel Kendall's breath on his mouth and it really turned him on. His lips were so close to touching Kendall's, he could almost taste him—

Then suddenly Kendall was stumbling and falling sideways, James quickly grabbing his waist to stop him hitting the ground. Drunken laughter filled the street and another of the five men bumped off James, almost knocking him over too. James turned to glare furiously at them. Now? Really? While he was so tempted to just throw them all in his car and take them to the station for interrupting them, he just turned back to Kendall instead. "You alright?"

Kendall nodded, looking equally pissed about the moment being ruined. Then he smiled. "See you around."

"Yeah," James replied, breath catching in his throat as Kendall stepped a little closer to him. The blonde leaned forward slightly, and James found he couldn't breathe. Kendall's lips rested on James cheek for a second, the he felt warm breath on his ear as he murmured, "Call me?"

James could only nod breathlessly as Kendall pulled back, smiling at him. "Goodnight, James." He gave a cheerful wink, before turning around.

"Night . . ." James practically whispered as he watched Kendall walk away.

_Wow, I do have it bad.  
_


	6. Every Day's a Dream in California

  
Kendall couldn't sleep. His mind was full of a dark haired man with round glinting glasses and a frightening smile. He hated it. He needed something to get his mind off it.

After a moment, he knew what to do. He got out of bed and got dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, pulling on a pair of sneakers and unlocking the front door. As soon as he was out and he had re-locked the door behind him, he was running. He'd started to do this every couple of days on routine, or whenever his overwhelming bad thoughts were bothering him. He jogged through the estate, and barely noticed where he was going until he was moving along one of the busier streets of the city. He stopped walking, taking a second to look around.

After a moment's pondering, he went inside the next coffee shop. He was just standing at the counter and ordering a black coffee to go when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a voice in his ear. "Hey! I didn't think I'd see you here."

Kendall turned and saw Carlos standing behind him. "Carlos, hi! I didn't think I'd see you either."

After paying for his coffee, Kendall stood aside and let Carlos order. Once Carlos was done, he turned back to Kendall with a smile. "So how are you?"

"I'm great. What about you?"

"Brilliant. So how's Logan lately?"

Kendall chuckled. "Didn't you see him last night?"

"Yes I did. And you saw James the night before, am I right?"

"Yes I did." It was a little ridiculous; James and Kendall had gone on two dates in the last fortnight. Both times they had been interrupted by coincidence. How did this keep happening to them? It was really starting to bug him, especially since it was already difficult enough finding a good time to meet him.

Carlos looked thoughtful. "Something's just come to me. Hasn't it been like, a month since we met at the bar?"

Kendall paused to think. "You're right, actually. I didn't notice that."

"You and James should celebrate it!" Carlos seemed delighted. "I've got an idea. Me and Logan were gonna take a trip to the beach at the weekend. You should come with us! You, me, Logan and James, it's be great!"

Kendall couldn't help grinning at the Latino's enthusiasm. "Yeah, it sounds fun."

"Can you surf?" Carlos asked as they walked down the street, coffee in hand.

Kendall smirked. "Not at all. Can you?"

Carlos nodded. "Uh huh. Logan told me he can too, and Jams is amazing at it." This time it was Carlos's turn to smirk. "I guess he'll have to teach you."

"I guess he will," Kendall replied, chuckling. "You know any good beaches?"

"I know the perfect one." Carlos winked. "But it's a surprise for you and Logan. You'll see on Saturday."

"Alright, then. I look forward to it."

Carlos grinned, and glanced at his watch. "Ugh, I gotta get to work. I'll see you at the weekend."

"See you." Carlos went one way, Kendall went the other.

Carlos walked quickly to the office, grinning from ear to ear at the thought of the fun weekend that lay ahead of him. After about ten minutes, Carlos got to the office and walked in, tossing his empty cup in a nearby trash can and walking into the lab on his left, where he saw James sitting at his desk through the floor-to-ceiling windows. "James!"

James looked up from the papers he was intently studying. "Carlitos I'm a little busy right—"

"I know, so I'll make this quick. You're coming to the beach with me on Saturday."

James sighed. "Look, Carlos, I don't know if I can."

"James, ponder this. Kendall is coming too. I invited him. He can't surf. You can. See where I'm going here? This is a great chance to get him more interested in you! To impress him!"

"I don't think he's like that. But . . . if he's going, I'm all for it."

"Brilliant!" Carlos clapped his hands enthusiastically. "So on Saturday morning at ten, we both drive to the house. I pick up Logan, you get Kendall. Sorted!"

"Why take two cars?" James asked in confusion.

"I believe in thinking ahead," Carlos said simply, winking and walking away without another word. It took a second or two for James to realise what Carlos had said.

The next morning, when James woke up, Carlos was already dressed and eating breakfast in the kitchen. "Rise and shine, Diamond."

"Bleh," James muttered, opening the cupboard and pulling out a box of cereal.

"Get excited, man! Today's gonna be awesome!"

James nodded, immediately zoning out when he realised he'd be spending the whole day with Kendall. Kendall. Kendall. No matter how many times he heard that name, it never got old. It was music to his ears. Plus it helped that Kendall was a great sight for sore eyes. Dammit, it was like he was sexy without even trying. Screw that, he _was_ sexy without even trying. Those eyes were gonna be the death of him some day. And that _ass_ —

"Hey, James?"

"Mmm?"

"You just poured apple juice in your cereal. Again."

Carlos and James left at almost exactly the same time. Only Carlos had turned it into a race to the car park (and won) so he ended up ahead of him. James felt like he couldn't get to Kendall's place fast enough, and when he eventually pulled up outside the house and saw Kendall and Logan's faces appear at a window, he was bouncing in his seat. Kendall and Logan emerged from the house, both wearing swim shorts and t-shirts and carrying beach stuff.

James rolled down the window and said, "Put your stuff in the trunk."

Once Kendall did this, he got into the passenger seat, smiling in greeting. "Hi."

"Hey," James smiled back. "You ready for the beach?"

"Definitely. So how far away is it?"

"Half an hour, normally. Depends on traffic."

On the way, James and Kendall talked about random things, from great movies that were out to family and friends. "It's because of my dad I picked my job," James said to Kendall as the beach came into view. "He was a detective."

"That's cool. I take it he was happy when you followed his footsteps?"

"I'd never seen him smile so much. I was starting to get worried after an hour or two."

Kendall laughed and James smiled. "And your mom?"

"A teacher. Not strict on me and Faye as you might think, though." James paused. "What about your family?"

Kendall kept smiling, but James could swear he saw his eyes darken. "My mom is amazing; she was a waitress for a while, but she was a teacher too."

"Well, our parents have something in common too, then. What about your dad?"

Kendall bit his lip. "Uh . . . he died in a—in a car accident when I was twelve."

"Oh, gosh." James mentally kicked himself. _Stupid stupid STUPID!_ "I'm so sorry." He reached across with one hand and took one of Kendall's hands in his own.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kendall shrug feebly. "It's ok. It was a long time ago, after all."

 _Not that long._ But James didn't say it aloud. Instead, to try and lighten the mood, he went for, "Did your sister make your life hell like mine did?"

To his relief, Kendall smiled and laughed. "No. We got on really well, actually, despite the fact there's six years between us."

"Wish me and Faye had been like that," James muttered in a mock angry voice. "She's two years older than I am, and we did nothing but fight. I remember when we were little kids, she used to put me in this toy box and pile loads of heavy books on top so I couldn't get out. My mom would get so mad."

Kendall was in hysterics, as he now often was with James's stories. "I wish I'd seen that."

James drove into the parking lot, stopping the car. "Well, we're here."

Kendall grinned, looking out the windscreen. "Awesome."

They both leaped out of the car and grabbed their things from the trunk. Next to them, Carlos and Logan were doing the same. The four walked over the sand dunes and down to the beach. Dropping their stuff on the sand, they all turned to look at each other. "So, what's first?" James asked.

"Swimming!" Carlos yelled, pulling off his shirt and running straight into the sea, splashing water all over the place. Logan, chuckling, did the same and ran after him.

James pulled his t-shirt off and threw it into his backpack. As he straightened up, he noticed Kendall staring at him. Their eyes locked and Kendall looked away, blushing. James smirked. "Like what you see?"

Kendall looked up, a smirk appearing on his own face. "I do, actually. You work out often?"

"Most days, if I can," James replied with a grin. "Your turn, Kenny."

"I have a nickname now?" Kendall's smirk widened. "I like that. I'm giving you a nickname now. You can be Jamie."

"Great." Kendall rolled his eyes at him and pulled his own shirt off. James decided he didn't care that he was staring and possibly drooling. Kendall was more slender than muscular. Willow-slim, with his hip bones just visible over the waist of his swim shorts. Honestly, James had never found pale skin very attractive. He had always thought it looked unhealthy. On Kendall it was incredibly gorgeous. Especially the way that rose tattoo contrasted so strongly with his skin.

They both looked at each other for one more second, and then simultaneously dashed to the water, where Logan and Carlos stood waiting. Both gasping at how cold it felt at first, the two made their way over to their friends. "Hey!" James greeted. "Did we miss anything?"

"Not yet—"

Carlos didn't get to finish because Logan shoved him over, and the Latino landed sprawled in the water, gasping and spluttering. Logan doubled over, laughing hysterically. "I'm s-sorry, but c-c'mon, I couldn't resist!"

This was when Kendall pushed Logan down headfirst next to Carlos. James roared with laughter at the furious look Logan gave Kendall.

He leaped at Kendall, who sank right under the surface of the water in an instant, before appearing again a few feet away, laughing. After wading in until the water was almost up to their chests, they just floated around for a while. "This is awesome," James laughed. "Way better than hanging in the city."

"I think it'd be more awesome if we were all sky-clad," Carlos said vaguely, shaking his hair like a wet dog.

Logan smirked and glanced at Kendall, who turned to look at James. James grinned. Logan couldn't hold in his laughter. "It looks like Carlos wants to go skinny-dipping, only he's a little shy!"

"What? No, I didn't mean—hey, James— _help!_ "

It turned into a combination of tag and aquatic wrestling. All four of them went after each other, and Kendall was soon being chased by James, splashing through the water until James caught him around the waist. "Help!" the blonde shrieked, half laughing. However, Logan and Carlos were occupied a few feet away. Logan was on top of Carlos's back, hands around his neck as Carlos dived headfirst underwater.

"Surrender," James suggested as he pulled Kendall closer to him.

"Never," Kendall replied with as much dignity as he could.

James laughed, turning Kendall around to face him, but not loosening his grip enough to let him escape. "Just face it, blondie. You're doomed."

Kendall gave an exhausted sigh. "Fine, I give up." He leaned into James's embrace. "Guess I'm your prisoner now, right?"

James couldn't take it anymore. He pressed his lips against Kendall's and felt thousand of fireworks setting off in his head. Then when he felt Kendall start to kiss back, he couldn't help smiling.

They both slowly pulled back when they heard Carlos and Logan sniggering. They both turned to look at their friends, who blushed and said, "Don't mind us. We're not really here." They both turned around so their backs were facing them.

James chuckled, turning to look back at Kendall, who was also laughing. Then Kendall's playful grin faltered a little, and suddenly their lips were touching again. Not wanting to wait any longer, James ran his tongue along Kendall's lips. The blonde eagerly opened his mouth, the kiss immediately deepening.

James ran his hands up and down Kendall's bare back, feeling Kendall's hands tangle in his hair. Kendall's mouth tasted like strawberries, sweet and summery. James ran his tongue along Kendall's teeth, smiling into the kiss when Kendall's tongue came to fight against his. He started sucking on the blonde's bottom lip, before moving to his top lip and going back again.

He brought his hands down to the back of Kendall's thighs, lifting him up. Maybe he was taking this pretty far, but he really didn't care. Kendall's legs draped loosely around James's waist, the water helping to hold him up as they continued to make out. James was panting at this point as they resumed battling for control of the kiss.

Then suddenly James felt something hit his back, and then ice cold water covered his face and hair. He detached his mouth from Kendall's and struggled back onto his feet, coughing in shock. He quickly reached under the water and pulled Kendall up by the arm. Kendall stumbled a little, holding on to James.

James turned to see what the hell had happened, and saw two men about their age, glowering at them. "Dude, what was that for?" he demanded to the red-haired man who'd shoved them over. His companion, a dark-haired man, glared at him.

"Fags," the dark-haired man spat, before they both turned and swam away.

Kendall looked shocked. So did Logan and Carlos. James was livid. "Who the hell do they think they are? I mean, do they really have nothing better to do?"

Kendall didn't say anything. Logan just shook his head in disgust. "James, they're not worth anyone's time. Anyway, I'm pretty sure we've been called worse."

Carlos looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. "You've . . ."

"Like I said, it's not worth your time."

Kendall face was buried in James's shoulder. "He's right. Don't pay any attention to them," James said reassuringly, rubbing little circles in Kendall's back. The blonde nodded at James's words, but didn't look up.

The mood seemed to have lowered dramatically. Logan and Carlos both suddenly smiled brightly." We're gonna go swimming. You two . . . have fun and do whatever."

James rolled his eyes at them and turned back to Kendall. "I'm a little tired. You wanna go back onto the beach?"

Kendall nodded and they both waded out of the water. He lay back on the sand, eyes focused on the clear blue sky above him. James lay down next to him, turning on his side to watch the blonde. "Are you sure you're ok?"

Kendall turned and smiled at him. "I'm fine, really. I guess I'm just never gonna get used to that."

"What, being called . . . names?"

"Yeah. It's not like a rare thing or anything, but it still hurts a little, y'know?"

"Ignore all of them. They don't know you."

Kendall looked at James sceptically. "What about you? You haven't called me anything, but how well do you know me?"

"Stop being insecure." James chuckled, leaning over Kendall. "I don't know you that well, yet. But I wanna get to know you."

Kendall smiled up at James, placing a hand on the back of his neck. "I wanna get to know you too."

This time, there was no hunger when they kissed. It was just simple and gentle, slow and sweet. When they pulled back, James said, "Right, let's start interviewing each other."

Kendall chuckled. "Ok . . . um, favourite colour?"

"Green. Yours?"

"Same."

"Ever own a pet?"

"I had a cat when I was eight. I named it Spot."

"Oh, that makes perfect sense."

"Jerk."

"Thank you."

"Next question, jerk."

"Do you play sports?"

"I like hockey, and football. Though I really just go running now. You?"

"Same things, and I like basketball. And I go to the gym a lot."

"Yeah, I can tell, Mr Lautner."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?"

Kendall giggled, running his other hand down James's abs. "Definitely a compliment. Though I never have, nor will I ever by a Twilight fan."

"That's a huge relief." James ran his thumb down the creamy skin of Kendall's cheek. "So, you're not into sparkly vampire types?"

"Nope. Honestly, I think I prefer athletic criminalists. Do you know any?"

"I might know one or two. I can hook you up, provided you can find me someone too. I've seen all the guys and girls that hang around The Crystal, and I think I'd like one of those. Maybe a blonde one, one who likes kids, and doesn't freak when their date messes up."

Kendall frowned thoughtfully, sitting up and winding both arms around James's neck. "Sorry, I don't know anybody like that. You're outta luck."

James sighed. "Too bad. I guess I'm stuck with you, then."

"Just kiss me already," Kendall murmured, leaning forward so their lips were barely touching.

James happily closed the gap between them, taking the blonde's lips in his own. When he felt a tap on his shoulder, he wanted to punch whoever it was right in the face. He reluctantly pulled away and turned around to see Logan and Carlos, looking extremely awkward. "We're gonna go get something to eat up at the diner up there," Carlos said slowly. "Do you wanna come along?"

James turned when he heard Kendall laughing. "Yeah, alright. You ok with that?"

James nodded and they both got up. The diner was relatively quiet, with a few people James recognised from the beach sitting at the booths and tables. James and Kendall sat curled up together on one side of their booth at the back, with Carlos and Logan on the other. The food was fine, though James spent most of the time in the diner kissing Kendall, running his hand up and down his leg, under the table where Logan and Carlos couldn't see it.

When they went back to the beach, they waited for a while before going back in the water. They went swimming for a while, and at one point Logan and Kendall ended up chasing Carlos down the beach when he ran off with their keys. It seemed much too soon when they were all back lying on the sand and Carlos and Logan both got up.

"We're gonna head," Carlos said. "We'll see you later on."

James watched as they walked back up the beach. He turned back around and wound an arm around Kendall's shoulders. Kendall leaned against him, watching the fiery sky darken slowly. "I should come to the beach more often."

"Me too," James grinned. "If I had the time, I'd come here every weekend." He paused. "I've just realised. I was gonna teach you how to surf."

"Well, maybe another day. I'd love to come back here." Kendall smiled up at him. "With you."

James kissed him instead of replying. They sat there until the sun went down and the sky darkened to midnight blue. Then, after feeling a chilly night breeze, they both got to their feet, grabbed their stuff and went back up to the car. After dumping everything in the trunk, Kendall rested his back against the car. "So . . . will we get going now?"

"Yeah, I guess. But one thing first."

James rested his hands on the car at either side of Kendall's waist, leaning in to kiss him. His head spun, and he immediately pressed up against the blonde. All that he could think of now was how much he wanted to feel that blissfully soft skin under his tongue, feel that beautiful body under his hands.

James kissed Kendall furiously as he fumbled around for the handle of the car door. Cheering silently when he found it, he yanked the door open and pushed Kendall down onto the backseat, following closely behind him. He wasn't sure how he closed the door after him, but he managed. He pushed Kendall down onto his back, hovering above him before swooping down and kissing him again. His tongue sprang right into Kendall's mouth, tangling with Kendall's as he moved his hands down to Kendall's ass. Reaching in between the blonde and the leather seats, he squeezed his ass, earning a whine from Kendall. He traced his fingers along the hem of Kendall's swim shorts and was about to try and pull them off when Kendall disconnected their lips and said, "James, stop."

James was amazed. A hooker, abstaining from sex? Now Kendall was completely unique. "What's wrong?"

"I . . . it's stupid."

"No it's not. If you're not ready, that's fine. If you wanna tell me why, that's even better."

Kendall sighed. "I'm just . . . promise you won't laugh at me?"

"Of course."

"Ok." Kendall took a deep breath. "I've never really felt that . . . wanted."

"I don't really get it."

"Yeah, it's confusing. I don't fully get it myself sometimes." Kendall paused. "Alright, reference time. When I was fifteen, there was this guy I dated, and I really liked him, but he was only dating me to get in my pants."

"What a prick."

"I dumped him when I found out, but I felt really bad about myself. Now, I work in prostitution. I meet a guy in a hotel, or on the street, or wherever it is. We go and have sex, he pays me, and that's it. It happens really fast, and I don't feel anything."

Kendall's cheeks flushed. "It might sound kinda stupid, but . . . I like you, and I wanna feel something with you."

James smiled. He couldn't help it. "You know what? I completely understand."

"You do?" Kendall looked amazed. "Really?"

"Yeah." James avoided his gaze. "I kept my promise, so if I tell you something, will you try not to get to mad at me?"

Kendall laughed. "Ok. I promise."

"I thought you'd want to get to the sex really soon. That you might lose interest if I waited too long. I guess I just assumed it because . . ." James took a deep breath and decided to just say it. "Because you're a prostitute."

He was surprised when Kendall smiled at him. "Why would I be mad at you? I don't blame you for thinking that. Everyone else does." He rolled his eyes. "It doesn't bother me anymore."

James smiled again, running his fingers through Kendall's soft hair."You know, even though we're not gonna have sex yet, there are other things we can do."

"Like what?" For once, Kendall actually looked completely innocent.

James answered by leaning down and kissing Kendall again. He ran his tongue along the blonde's bottom lip, and when Kendall opened his mouth he jammed his tongue into every crevice of Kendall's mouth. Kendall tangled his hands in James's hair, moaning as his tongue came out to battle against James's. James won easily, but was dismayed to feel himself growing in his pants when Kendall moaned again. He didn't know what to do now. Stupid body and its natural reaction. He panicked, especially when he felt Kendall hardening underneath him. He slowly ran his hands down Kendall's body, stopping when he got to the hem of Kendall's swim shorts. He broke the kiss for a second, nose bumping off Kendall's as he stared into his eyes. "Kendall . . ."

"Mmm?" Kendall murmured, eyes half shut in pleasure as James caressed his hips with the tips of his fingers.

"Can I . . .?" James gulped. "Can I touch you? J-just once. I . . . I need it."

Kendall blushed and looked nervous. But he nodded. "Y-yeah, ok."

James stuck a hand inside Kendall's shorts without anymore hesitation. He grabbed hold of Kendall's erection. Kendall gasped as James started pumping him slowly. " _James._ "

James bit his lip and pumped a little harder, faster, rubbing up and down Kendall's shaft. However, as he worked, the shorts stayed on; James had a feeling Kendall didn't want to be that exposed to him just yet. He understood that. This was just like before; Kendall was different to anyone he'd ever met before. And he loved it.

James stroked Kendall again, muffling the blonde's moans as their lips connected again. He felt Kendall's soft hands under his t-shirt, running his fingers over his chest and abs, before one hand dove deep inside James's swim shorts. James himself moaned at the sensation, loving the fact that it was Kendall touching him. He'd wanted this ever since he first laid eyes on the beautiful blonde. He felt Kendall's thumb stroking the tip of his dick and he ended up sinking his teeth into Kendall's lip. Kendall whined at this, and suddenly James's hand was covered in the blonde's seed. James grinned, then gasped as Kendall squeezed his shaft and he came too, groaning in pleasure.

His eyes linked with Kendall's and he couldn't help smiling. Kendall's eyes were bright, and he was smiling at James. "That was awesome."

James chuckled, brushing Kendall's bangs aside and kissing his forehead. "Yeah, it was."

He sat up and got off Kendall, letting him sit up too. "You wanna head out? Logan and Carlos will be wondering where we are."

Kendall laughed. "They've probably guessed where we are. But yeah, let's get going."

After reaching for a packet of tissues and cleaning themselves off as much as they could, they both climbed into the front seats and James started the engine. The ride was silent for a second, then James said, "Are you free next weekend?"

Kendall smiled at him. "I am now. What do you wanna do?"

"I dunno. Movie, dinner, bungee jumping, whatever."

"Sounds fun. I guess we can decide later on. It's a week away, after all."

James sighed. "I've just realised. A week is a long time."

"I know. I guess if we get too impatient we can arrange something sooner."

"How about Tuesday? Only three days away."

"That sounds perfect."

They just smiled at each other for a second. Then Kendall said with a smirk, "Eyes on the road."

"Right." James turned back to the road, making do with what little of Kendall he could see out of the corner of his eye. They made more small talk on the way to Kendall's house, the way they usually did. Both of them making the other laugh, both saying things that amazed the other. James was just finishing telling a story about the time he and Carlos had tried to re-sell a pair of limited edition sneakers when they pulled up outside Number 23. "See you soon," Kendall said with a grin, leaning forward. James did the same, and after a few seconds (or minutes) of making out, Kendall pulled back and opened the car door. Once he got his stuff out of the trunk, he headed up the driveway.

Once Kendall was inside the house, he was heading straight towards his room. The cum stain on his shorts wasn't noticeable, but he wanted to change anyway. And as fast as possible. He passed Matt sitting in the living room, and once he had changed, he went back out to him. "Hey, where's Logan?"

"Shower. And Derek's making curry if you want dinner."

Kendall shook his head, sat down on the couch next to Matt and tried to pay attention to whatever show he was watching. He found he couldn't. He was thinking about James. He knew he was falling hard for the tall handsome cop, but he wasn't sure how smart this was. Maybe Sean didn't act loving, but he did act possessive. Really possessive. Kind of psycho-possessive. There were plenty of nights where Sean would go to some party in a club run by a friend of his, and he would take Kendall with him, having him hang off his arm like some kind of cheap whore. Then again, that was sort of what he was. A few of these nights, someone would hit on Kendall just a little. They were probably wasted when they did; nobody who knew Sean was stupid enough to make him angry. Anyway, these poor idiots would often end up with a black eye or a broken nose. If Sean thought that for some bizarre reason Kendall was flirting back, there would be a yelling match the moment they got home. This would sometimes result in Kendall himself ending up bruised and battered. Sean would never seriously hurt him; after all, he couldn't work for him if he had a broken nose or rib.

"So, how was the beach?" Matt asked suddenly.

"Great." Kendall couldn't help grinning. "This guy, James; I really like him."

"Mmm."

Kendall looked at Matt, who looked a little sulky. "What's wrong?"

"I dunno." Matt shrugged feebly. "I just don't think he's right for you."

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know, really. I just think he'll only lead to trouble."

"Any guy will lead to trouble, Matt."

"Well. Maybe. Maybe not."

Kendall leaned back against the cushions, letting his eyes drift shut for a moment. He froze when Matt's lips landed on his.


	7. I Can Hardly Speak, I Understand

  
Kendall was totally frozen as Matt's lips attacked his. He could barely breathe. His eyes drifted shut as he let Matt kiss him. The way Mat was holding him by his shoulders almost made him feel safe. He hadn't felt that in a while.

Then, suddenly, he realised what he was doing and pulled back, eyes wide as saucers. "Matt, what the . . .?"

"I . . ." Matt's eyes were wide too, but there was a determined glint in them. "I just . . . I guess I've wanted to do that for a while."

"What?" Kendall felt like collapsing. Seriously. This was possibly one of the most shocking things he'd ever heard.

"I liked you, for a while. Since you showed up here two years ago. I mean, I dunno what it was. You looked alone, like you needed someone to look out for you. I wanted to be that someone. I just . . . I've always felt this way, Kendall." He looked anxious. "Tell me you feel the same."

"M-Matt . . . ok, I'm really confused right now. I just . . . I need to think about it."

"Ok." Matt looked distraught, and Kendall felt responsible. "That's fine."

Kendall sat there for another second, then got up and went into his room, sitting on his bed in a daze. Matt, his best friend, his _brother_ , had just confessed he had feelings for him. How could this happen? Did he really have all the bad luck in the world? It was like some shadow had been attached to him when he was little and just followed him around causing trouble. What was he supposed to do?

Kendall's head snapped up when the door opened. He saw Matt. "Hi," he said ever so quietly.

"Hi. Um, Sean's sending a couple of us out to work," Matt said.

Kendall didn't answer.

"I'm going. I wanna give you space to, y'know, think. I guess I understand how confused you feel."

"Thanks, Matt."

"No problem. So, I guess I'll see you later."

Again, Kendall didn't answer as Matt left the room. His thoughts were so jumbled up. He was genuinely confused. He felt lost, and alone. His mood only worsened when he remembered how whenever he felt this way as a kid, his dad had been there. Or Katie, or even his mom. There was a gap in his heart where they'd been. He wondered if he'd ever be brave enough to let them back in.

Probably not.

Once Kendall heard the front door shut, he got up from his place on the bed. Then he heard the door open and shut again, and hurried into the kitchen. Logan was sitting at the table, reading some book on medicine. "Logan, do you have a minute?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?" Logan bent the page over and shut the book, looking up at Kendall.

Kendall sat down. "I need some advice."

"On . . .?"

Kendall bit his lip. "I have three different guys who like me," he said, giggling weakly. "One is my pimp, one is the guy I'm seeing behind his back and the third is one of my best friends. Who knew, right?" Then suddenly, he burst into tears. He felt ashamed and pathetic, but he couldn't help the tears flowing down his cheeks. He felt Logan hugging him, and he clung onto him desperately, shaking from the force of his sobs.

After a few moments, he started to calm down and quickly pulled away from Logan, suddenly embarrassed. "Shit, I'm sorry," he murmured, drying his eyes with the hem of his t-shirt.

"No biggie." Logan frowned at him as he sat back down in his chair. "So, what were you saying about three guys liking you?"

Kendall was suddenly reluctant to talk. Logan often had a mouth the size of a black hole; he just said things without thinking. Then again, he knew more about Kendall than anyone else in the house. Or even in the state. What was one more little secret? "Matt kissed me," Kendall said slowly. "He told me he's liked me since I came here, and I told him I needed to think, so he went working to give me space. And I don't know what to do anymore." Kendall sniffled again, but refused to allow any more tears fall.

"Kendall, why do you do this to yourself?" Logan asked.

"What do you mean?" Kendall replied, startled.

"Look at you. You're young; it hasn't been that long since you were just a kid. And you're _here_. Living in a house you don't wanna live in, doing a job you don't wanna do, sleeping with a guy you can't stand . . . why don't you just get out of here, while you can?"

Kendall sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I can't leave yet, Logan. You know I can't."

"I know, I know." Logan rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You _owe_ him. Whatever. But, seriously, if he likes you so much, he should let you leave."

"I've only four months left. Then I can go." Kendall paused, feeling his mood sink a little further. "But, I don't know _where_ to go. It's not like I have anywhere else to live. I can't go back to Nevada, not now. If ever."

"I think you should go back to school. Maybe you can still make something of yourself."

Kendall shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. I guess I could try. You can, like, do an exam or something online, right?"

"Yeah, or you can book a day. You should go for it; you could do classes in the morning or afternoon, and then work at night. Sean wouldn't have to know at all."

"Well, I'll think about it." Kendall paused. "So, what should I do about the Matt-James-Sean thing?"

"Tell Matt the truth, but nicely. Keep seeing James; he's a great guy and you probably won't get another chance like him for a while. Sean . . . well, keep sleeping with him; play along until you can leave. It might hurt him, but tit for tat, right?"

"I guess so," Kendall sighed, smiling weakly. "Thanks so much, Logan."

"No problem, babe."

"Hey! I thought you were done calling me that!"

"Did I say that?"

"No . . ."

"Well then!" Logan smiled cheerfully and got to his feet. "I'm gonna watch TV. Later, babe."

* * *

James had barely been in the office for ten minutes when he wandered past the reception and had heard, "James, hold on!"

James turned to Mandy, the receptionist. "What's up?"

"We've got a new case for you and Summer," Mandy said from her place on the phone. "They say it's a . . . " she listened for another moment, "a male hooker, stabbed, at the Crystal Hotel. He's not dead, the emergency services took him to St John's, but they think he's in bad condition. It happened last night, but the night shift was all full so they had to wait till now to call for an investigation."

James's jaw had dropped open. _Hooker . . . male . . . Crystal . . . **stabbed** . . ._

It couldn't be him. It just couldn't be. But James nodded and said, "I'll go get Summer and we'll head over."

All the way to the hotel, James bobbed his knee up and down and twiddled his thumbs. He almost always did this to distract himself when he was nervous. As they pulled up outside the hotel, James practically leaped out of the car and headed straight over to the two police officers standing outside the doors, where they were keeping people from entering the hotel. "Hey," one of them greeted. "The scene's upstairs, room 312."

"Do you have an ID of the victim?" James asked the cop immediately.

"No. Any identification was probably in his pockets, he had a bag but there was no wallet in it."

"Could've been stolen."

"Maybe. Either way, we don't know who he is. But when the hospital allows visitors you can go talk to him."

"If he lives," James murmured, before directing his attention to Summer. "Ok, can you go and ask the front desk what kind of surveillance they have around here? I'm gonna document the scene real quick."

James took the camera out of his case and walked upstairs, down the hallway and into the hotel room, which had been sealed off with crime scene tape. He could instantly see where the hopefully-not-him hooker had been stabbed. There was a pool of blood in the centre of the bed sheets, a few stray drops on the carpet. There was a lamp on the floor next to the bedside locker. James took photos of everything from every angle, and then took more equipment out of his case. He pulled fingerprints off the door handle and the headboard of the bed, then took a swab of blood and packed everything away. He walked out into the hallway and straight up to the manager, who was standing nearby. "Hey. If you don't mind, you're gonna have to leave this room alone for a little while in case we need to come back and re-examine it."

"Ok. Uh, listen." The manager looked uncomfortable. "How much damage do you think this'd do to my hotel business?"

"This is LA, sir. I don't think you need to worry much. So, who was working at the front desk tonight, or in the hallways?"

"Janie Smith was at the front desk, and a couple of cleaners in the hallways. We don't have many working at night."

"Ok. Thanks."

As James arrived in the lobby where a crowd had now gathered, Summer hurried up to him and said, "They've got cameras on every floor. I just got a copy of the last few hours. The girl there said she didn't see anything suspicious, and that a tall guy with dreadlocks bought the room. He paid in cash, so she doesn't have a name. She says she didn't see him go upstairs, but she could've missed something."

"Great. We should probably go back to the office, get this stuff processed. We can get any contact info from the manager if we need it."

As they were leaving the hotel and climbing back into Summer's car, James noticed her smiling. "What's up with you?" he asked.

"I dunno. You're just so much younger than me, and so cool and calm about these things."

"Hey, inside I'm screaming," James replied, but he was smiling too. The drive back was kind of quiet, and when they got back to the office, James went straight to the DNA lab and handed in what he'd collected. He stood there, waiting, as Rachael took them and got them ready for processing.

"I can't work well with you over my shoulder, you know," she teased, smirking at James.

"Sorry," James said, composing himself. "I'm just . . ."

"Impatient?"

"Yeah."

"I've got an ID on the vic," Summer said, coming into the lab. "He's twenty-five, his name's Matthew Anderson."

James managed not to collapse with relief. Although the name sounded slightly familiar . . . "Do we have an address?"

"Yeah, here." Summer handed the sheet of paper. James read the address printed there. And re-read it. And then re-read it again. This was Kendall's address. Matthew lived with Kendall and Logan? Suddenly he remembered the guy who'd been with Kendall at the bar (had that really been a whole month ago?). His name was Matt. Was this him? There was only one way to find out.

"Let's go to the hospital. We need to talk to him."

* * *

Kendall pulled into the hospital parking lot, heart pounding. He hated hospitals. He always had. The last time he'd been it one was when he was twelve, and that memory wasn't pleasant. But he had to see Matt. He had to make sure he was alright. He had to. He took a deep breath before getting out of the car.

Once inside, he went up to the receptionist and said, "Hi, I'm here to see Matthew Anderson."

He smiled to himself at Matt's resentment for his full name as the receptionist typed in the name on her computer. "Ok. He's in room 17, down the hall and on you left."

"Thank you." Kendall rushed down the hallway and threw open the door of the ward. Matt was sitting up in bed, flicking through a magazine. He looked up and grinned. "Kendall!"

"Matt, hi!" Kendall greeted, hurrying over and sitting down. "How are you feeling? No, stupid question . . ."

"Actually, I feel ok," Matt said, smiling. "The doctor said I have to stay for at least a week, though, because I've lost so much blood and they're not sure if I'll get an infection."

"Oh, Matt, I'm sorry. You went to work to let me think, it's all my fault . . ."

"Hey, don't be dumb. You didn't stab me, did you?"

There was a silence for a few moments. "So, did you have time to think?" Matt asked finally.

"Uh, yeah." Kendall bit his lip, took a deep breath. "Matt, I'm sorry. I love you, but like a brother."

Matt gave a small smile. "I guess I expected as much."

"Are you mad?"

"No. So, we still friends?"

"Of course," Kendall replied. "So . . . can you remember what happened?"

There was a few moments' pause. Then, "No."

"Oh."

More silence.

"I'm quitting prostitution."

"What?" Kendall's eyes widened. "Why?"

"I'm just—not into it anymore. I'm gonna take out my savings and buy an apartment, find a job somewhere."

"Oh. Well, good luck, then."

Matt couldn't help chuckling. "Thanks." He paused. "Y'know, me and Logan were talking before, when he was in here. About you and Sean."

"And?" Kendall folded his arms.

"You should go for it. What Logan said, I mean. Take an exam, try to get into college. It's not too late, and you've got the brains for it."

"I dunno . . ."

"Go on, Kendall. You can get a job with children, like you want. You can stop selling yourself to a bunch of creeps, you can get away from Sean. It's what you want, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"Then what's stopping you?"

Kendall sighed. "Honestly, a couple of things. Firstly, there's Sean. While half the time when he's near me I want to run for my life, I can't help remembering what he was like at first. Second, what if I don't get in? Then what else can I do?"

"Kendall, you'll get in. I know you will. You've just to try." Matt smiled. "You don't wait for your dreams to happen. You make them happen."

"Hey, don't quote me!" Kendall said, feigning devastation.

"Well, if you said it, live it!"

Kendall laughed. "You know what, Matt? Someday you're gonna find someone new, and they're gonna be so lucky to have you."

"Aw, that's so sweet, I'm tearing up."

"Asshole."

"I like your asshole."

"Matt, there may be children around!"

"Let them listen in, they're all dirty minded anyway."

"Bad Mattie. If I ever get the job I want I'm gonna keep my kids away from you and your inappropriate jokes."

"Prude."

"Dickhead."

"Blonde bimbo."

"What happened to me being smart?"

"Oh, right. I forgot."

A doctor came into the room. "You should leave now. Matthew needs to rest."

Kendall managed to hold in his laughter at Matt's expression and nodded. "Ok." He stood up. "I'll come back. And when you find that new place, text me the address."

"Will do, blondie."

Kendall left the ward and went back towards the waiting room, eyes on the floor. He was afraid of what he would see in any rooms he passed. He really, _really_ hated hospitals. He caught a glimpse of worn black sneakers as another guy passed him, then he heard, "Kendall?"

Kendall's eyes strayed up. "James?" It was James, there with some weird kit in his hand, dressed in dark jeans, a t-shirt and jacket.

"Hi. Were you here to see Matt?"

"Yeah, but how . . .?"

"I'm on his case," James replied. "So, how is he?"

"He's ok, but the doctor told me he needs to rest. You could still try, though. See you soon."

Then Kendall hurried out the front door, not wanting to spend another second in there. It brought back way too many bad memories.

James's visit to Matt wasn't very successful. It was all of five minutes; that was all the doctor would allow. Matt claimed he'd met up there with a customer, but that was all he could remember. James had to accept it for now, and try to find more physical evidence. So he'd checked Matt out briefly. No defensive wounds on his arms, nothing to trace under his nails, no nothing. It was very frustrating, and when he arrived back at the lab, he couldn't help feeling ticked off when Summer had a lot more to offer than he did.

"I've called in some guys who live with Matthew," Summer said, pointing at the two sitting on chairs in the hallway. Two blonde guys, one tall with tanned skin, the other pale and willow-slim. Kendall and another unimportant friend.

"They're Kendall Knight and Eric Butler. Which one do you want first?"

"I dunno. Kendall, I guess," James replied, trying to sound like it didn't matter. He went inside one of the Interrogation rooms, sitting down in a chair on one side of the table. After a few seconds, Kendall walked in and sat down opposite him.

His eyes remained glued to the floor the whole time, and James wasn't sure if he'd realised who was interrogating him. "Hey, Kenny," he said, smiling. "When you said 'see you soon', I didn't expect this."

Kendall looked up, but his uncomfortable expression didn't change. "Hey."

"How are you?" James asked, concerned about how Kendall's face suddenly looked a shade or two paler than usual.

"Ok, I guess. Worried."

"About Matt?"

"Uh huh." Kendall looked away again. "I just . . . it's so sudden. One second we're all sitting at home, no worries, next thing I get a phone call about my best friend being stabbed . . ." Suddenly Kendall broke into tears, hand clapped to his mouth to muffle his sobs.

James frantically pulled a packet of tissues out of his pocket and handed one to Kendall, who gave a grateful smile.

"Thanks," Kendall sniffled, drying his eyes. "God, I feel so useless, just crying over everything lately."

"Hey, don't worry about it." James would've given Kendall a comforting hug, but anybody could've been watching, and it wasn't professional. "So, where were you last night?"

"At home."

"Can somebody confirm that?"

When Kendall raised his eyebrows at James's solemn expression and serious questions, the brunette couldn't help smirking. "Just a precaution, babe."

"I was with Logan. So, yeah, he can confirm it."

"Ok. Um, do you know where the other guys were last night?"

"Eric and Adam were out, Derek was home too. Uh . . . well, you know where Matt was." Kendal blinked back more tears.

"What about Sean?"

There was a split second silence before Kendall answered. "He was home too, with me and Logan."

. . . . .

"So, who is Sean to you?" James asked Eric, folding his arms. "I mean, you're prostitutes, all of you."

"Nice attitude, copper," Eric murmured, folding his arms too.

"Sean isn't, and he lives with you. It's his house. Why is that?"

"He's a friend of ours," Eric replied breezily. "First there was me and Matt, and he offered us a place to stay. We were gonna get evicted. Then he let Derek and Adam move in, same with Logan and Kendall. He's just charitable like that. We're all friends now."

"Hmm." James wasn't convinced, but he had no reason to keep asking about it. "So, when's the last time you saw Matt?"

"We drove to The Crystal together. He went inside, I stayed outside. That was it."

"What time was that?"

"I dunno. Maybe ten? Around that."

"Ok. Thanks. You can go."

Eric tried not to leave the Interrogation room too quickly. He walked straight over to where Kendall was sitting. "He asked me about Sean," he said in a low voice.

Kendall got to his feet. "What did you say?"

"That he was a charitable friend," Eric said with a shrug.

Kendall bit his lip. "I feel bad about lying to him . . ."

"Well, you can't tell him the truth. That Sean's your pimp-boyfriend-thing and James is a side piece. That's not a good way to go."

"He's not a side piece."

"Well, what is he?"

Kendall gave an exhausted sigh. "I don't know."

They walked down the hallway together, Kendall still feeling the guilt eating away at his insides.

* * *

"I still don't think you should pay every time we go out," Logan argued playfully as he and Carlos left the restaurant. It had been a week since Matt's stabbing incident, and this was the first time he'd gone out for fun.

Things had been a bit tense at home. Especially the fourth day; Kendall had come home from another visit to the hospital, Sean had demanded to know why he was spending so much time over there, Kendall had replied that Matt was his friend and he worried about him. Logan had watched from the living room door as they started screaming and yelling at each other. It had ended with Sean's fist swinging and Kendall landing on the floor, hand covering the spot on his cheek where a bruise would soon appear. Then Sean had kicked him in the stomach, and Kendall had just stayed curled up on the floor, shaking, as Sean had started cursing and ranting about how Kendall couldn't work for a few more days and it was "the stupid whore's" fault. Kendall hadn't argued against the insults, he'd even apopligised for doing absolutely nothing. Then Sean had kissed him and hugged him, basically brainwashing Kendall into clinging onto him like he was some sort of gallant saviour.

Sometimes Logan wondered if he hated Sean more than Kendall did.

"I'm the one taking you out," Carlos teased back as they walked down the street to Carlos's car. "It practically goes without saying that I should buy you dinner."

They both got into the car, Carlos reaching to the backseats and getting a backpack from the floor. "What's in there?" Logan asked, head cocked in curiousity.

"Oh. It's . . . er . . ." Carlos started stuttering. Then he took a deep breath. "I have something for you," he said, reaching into the bag and pulling out a sheaf of papers and handing it to Logan.

"What is it?" Logan asked, confused as his eyes scanned over the text printed on the top page.

"I was thinking about what you said, about wanting to be a doctor but not being able to afford going to med school? So I had a free half-hour yesterday at work, and I did a little research. I went and got your school records, and I called a friend of mine who lectures at David Geffen. I told him what you told me, gave him your file, and stuff." Carlos started blushing. "I dunno, I just thought . . . you could apply? You're smart enough, and he said they'd be glad to have you and you seemed well capable . . . oh, never mind, it was a stupid idea . . ."

"No," Logan cut in, staring at the papers in wonder. "It's wonderful." He smiled at Carlos. "You did this, for me?"

"Well, yeah. I guess I know how much you want it. So, I thought, y'know, maybe I could help you out." He grinned when Logan grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him, long and hard. Carlos kissed back, tongue tangling with Logan's as they tried to press closer together. Logan moaned into the kiss, and suddenly Carlos flet himself hardening, feeling lust and desire start to cloud his brain. Logan seeemd to notice, pulling back and smirking at him. "We should take this somewhere else," he said, Carlos noticing he was just as hard as he was.

Carlos fumbled for his keys and started the engine. "My place," he said, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Don't you have flatmates?"

"Yeah, James, Faye and Summer. They're all out. We'll be fine."

Logan started laughing. "Good to know."

It seemed like an age had passed before they were in the elevator of Carlos's building, Logan pinned up against the wall as Carlos started kissing him again. When the elevator opened again Carlos almsot staggered down the hallway, dragging Logan along behind him. He managed to get the front door open before they both hurried in, Carlos leading Logan into his room while Logan started hastily unbuttoning his shirt. Carlos did the same with Logan's pushing it off his shoulders and letting his own slide onto the floor as he shut the door of his room.

Carlos pushed Logan onto the bed, straddling his hips and grazing his lips over Logan's jaw. He left little kisses on Logan's chin and neck, before choosing a spot on his collarbone and sucking on it. Logan groaned, fumbling with Carlos's jeans and taking them off before moving to his own. Carlos moaned when his erection rubbed against Logan's. The whole thing was too much for him; Logan lying underneath him, now stoking his member painfully slow, the urge to fuck Logan so hard the whole city would here it.

He shoved Logan's legs apart and pushed a finger straight in. Logan squealed, but not in pain like Carlos had thought. "Carlos, _more_."

Carlos slipped another two fingers in, stretching Logan slowly, thrusting his fringers in and out as Logan panted and grunted. "Carlos, dammit, I'm stretched. Just fuck me."

"Wait," Carlos said suddenly. "I don't have any—"

"I don't care," Logan cut in. "Screw it."

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't have anything, but . . ."

"Carlos, please just fuck me already. I want you in me, now."

Carlos couldn't help chuckling. "Ok."

Carlos lined himself up and shoved his length straight into Logan's ass, groaning at the heat around him as he sank in. He stopped once he was all the way in, but Logan was pushing down on his dick, whining.

Carlos started rocking their hips together, slowly at first, then picking up the pace as his confidence grew Then he barely poked Logan's prostate and he let out a cry. "Carlos, _nngh_ , there!"

Carlos thrust back into Logan with more force, striking Logan's prostate dead on and then angling his hips to hit it continuously. He grunted as he gripped Logan's hips tighter, Logan clutching his biceps tightly.

Carlos rammed his hips forward and back again and again, hitting Logan's sweet spot repeatedly. Logan was bucking his hips forward, groaning and screaming as he got closer to the edge. Carlos was getting close too, so he reached between their sweaty bodies and gripped Logan's member, pumping him in time with his now slightly uneven thrusts.

Carlos saw stars as he reached his climax, coming deep into Logan before collapsing on top of him. Did sex really drain everyone like this or was it just him?

Logan was breathing deeply and slowly beneath him, hair clinging to his forehead. He smiled at Carlos when their eyes met. "You're so awesome." He started to giggle as Carlos pulled out of him and lay down. "Not only did you do this amazing thing for me, you're also great in bed."

"Well, I don't like to brag, but . . . yeah, I'm great."

Logan laughed again. "Wish we could stay here all night."

"Well, why don't you stay?"

Logan smiled sweetly at him. "Ok. I will."


	8. Be Every Colour That You Are

  
James was apprehensive. Matt's case. He'd been taken off it. According to his boss, only one person was needed and he'd chosen Summer. But James had just finished his own arson case and was free. He wanted to help. He needed to. James knocked on the door of his boss's office.

"Hey, Gustavo . . ."

"What is it, dog?"

James resisted rolling his eyes. Gustavo was lucky no drama queens worked for him. They'd be reporting him for lack of employer-employee respect. "I . . . I haven't got any cases assigned to me right now, and Summer's having, some trouble with hers. Mind if I give her a hand with it?"

Gustavo gave him one long, hard look. Then said, "Fine. But if I need you for anything else I'm taking you off the case."

"Cool. Thanks."

James left his boss's office and went back down the hallway, where Summer was standing in one of the case rooms, staring at the rows of photos in front of her. James walked in. "Hey. Gustavo said to give you a hand. How's it coming?"

Summer sighed, pulling her thick-framed glasses off, rubbing one of the lenses absent-mindedly with the end of her t-shirt, then put them back on. She always did that when she was frustrated. "Well, I've got no motive. No suspects. And no weapon. So . . . it's going great!"

James laughed. "Cheer up. It's always good to know what you don't know."

Summer rolled her eyes. "I suppose." She sighed. "One thing I _do_ know is that Matthew didn't expect this attack. There were no defensive wounds, so either it was a complete stranger and it just came out of the blue, or . . ."

"He knew who it was, and trusted them," James finished thoughtfully. "That's interesting."

"Yeah, but that's really all we've got. He still claims he doesn't remember anything. The video footage was useless." She waved a hand vaguely over the photographs. "And there was nothing in the hotel room either."

James felt his heart sinking. "So, what, it's a dead end?"

"I dunno. We could go back to the scene, but if we don't find anything then I guess it is a dead end." Summer frowned at him. "Don't look so glum, Jamie. It's happened to us before; sometimes the answers just aren't there."

"I know. I just . . ." James sighed. "I just hate it when these bastards get away with it."

"Me too." Summer patted him on the back. "You wanna head back to the scene?"

"Yeah, let's go."

The crime scene had nothing to offer. James was determined not to give up, but as Summer kept saying, there was no point in continuing until they had more. They marked the case as 'temporarily unsolved' at 3pm.

* * *

"Kendall!" Kendall looked up from his spot on his bed, where he was reading. "Yeah?"

"You've got a letter from UCLA!" Logan waved it at him.

Kendall leaped up and ran over to Logan, taking the letter and ripping the envelope open. He took the folded sheet of paper, and stopped suddenly. It had been about five weeks since he'd gone and taken that exam—five weeks of waiting in agony. Now that the moment was finally here, he was hesitant.

"C'mon, I wanna see what it says!" Logan said, bouncing up and down on his toes.

"I . . . I'm nervous."

"Well, we won't know until we read it."

Kendall slowly unfolded the letter. He swallowed, shutting his eyes. "I can't. I can't look. You do it, Logie."

"Ok." Logan took it, reading aloud. "Um . . . 'Kendall Knight . . .' blah blah blah, 'Impressive GPA,' . . . blah blah blah . . . 'examination,' blah blah blah . . .'pleased to inform you that your application for UCLA has been accepted' . . . ACCEPTED! Kendall you got in!"

" _What?"_ At first, Kendall was just confused. Then he snatched the letter and read himself. "Oh my God, I _did!_ I did it! I'm going to college!"

Logan started cheering, leaping onto his bed and jumping up and down. Kendall jumped up with him. Both were yelling, "We did it, we did it!" They didn't even notice Derek and Adam walking into the room.

"We did it, we did it, we—"

"What did you do?" They both stopped cheering and turned around. Adam had spoken, and was looking at them with raised eyebrows.

"We found my favourite pair of socks!" Logan said at random. "I've been looking for them everywhere."

The other two guys just stared at them, then looked at each other, rolled their eyes and left the room.

"Socks? Really?" Kendall hissed.

Logan shrugged. "First thing I could think of. And the less people that know, the better."

"I guess so." Suddenly Kendall threw himself on top of Logan, hugging him tightly. "Thank you, Logan."

Logan chuckled, hugging him back. "For what?"

"Convincing me to go for it. I wouldn't have this chance if it weren't for you. You're a great friend."

"I think I've earned the title of 'Greatest Friend _Ever_.' Haven't I?" Logan pulled back, smiling. "You're welcome, babe."

* * *

Kendall smiled, winding his arms around James's waist and burying his face in James's neck. "Guess who?"

James laughed, turning around as Kendall let go of him. "Hey, Kendall."

Kendall leaned up and kissed James in greeting. "Hi."

James smiled, kissing Kendall again before saying, "Haven't talked to you in a while."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "We talked on the phone yesterday, Jamie."

"Well, it felt like forever." James replied with a wave of his hand.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "So, how's work going?" Kendall asked.

"Ok." James couldn't mention the case with Matt; it had personal connection with Kendall. It was bad enough already, that he was dating someone involved in a case. But no one needed to know. "What about you? Any news, anything with the guys or . . ."

"Actually, I do have news." Kendall couldn't help grinning. "I got into UCLA."

"Really?" James was grinning. "That's awesome!" He paused, frowning. "Though I didn't even know you tried to get in . . ."

"I know. I just, wanted to keep it to myself. I was so sure there was no point in trying because there was no way I'd get in. The only reason I did try was cos Logan convinced me to."

James kissed him on the head. "I'm really happy for you, babe. You deserve it."

Kendall grinned at him, before kissing him on the lips. "Thanks."

"So, where do you wanna go?" James asked.

"We could go to that Italian place." Kendall smirked. "I've got extra cash on me, just in case."

James rolled his eyes. "Haha. I'll have you know I double-checked before I left to come here."

"Well, that's a relief."

Suddenly the night air was filled with the sounds of an Incubus ringtone. Kendall pulled his cell phone, staring at the caller ID. He grimaced at it slightly. "Sorry, I've gotta take this. Give me a minute."

Kendall walked away from James, and when he was satisfied he was out of earshot, he turned and picked up.

"Hello?"

" _Hey, baby."_ Kendall rolled his eyes. _"Where are you? The hospital again?"_ The threatening tone was unmistakable.

Kendall laughed, hoping to lighten the mood a little. "You know Matt got out two weeks ago. I'm at my uncle's. You know, Nick?"

" _Oh, yeah. Well, hurry up a little, yeah?"_ There was a couple seconds' pause, then Sean's voice lowered its tone, became slightly husky. _"I'm waiting for you."_

"Oh, are you?" Kendall spoke in a teasing tone. He knew all the weak spots by now. "Are you just sitting there all alone, baby? You've got a boner, cos you're thinking of me. Am I right?"

He thought he heard Sean growl, and then, _"You know me too well."_

"Ok, how about this. Don't touch yourself yet, baby; let me do that for you when I get home. Let me get back to my uncle and I'll be all yours in about an hour."

" _That long? I think I'll miss you too much."_

"Now you're just telling me what I wanna hear. I gotta go, but I'll see you soon."

Sean sighed. _"Ok. Love you."_

 _You don't mean that. You **know** you don't._ But Kendall said, "Love you too. Bye."

Kendall hung up, and turned around to go back to James. He stopped in shock, eyes wide with horror. Because James was standing there, just looking at him, face expressionless. But it was clear he'd heard every word.

The silence was deafening.


	9. Now I Don't Know What I Want

  
"James, wait!"

James didn't wait, storming off in the opposite direction. This was so typical. He found a guy he was absolutely crazy about, and he turned out to be a stupid cheat. Well, maybe it had been kinda miraculous that he hadn't been already taken, but still! When James felt a hand on his arm, stopping him, he turned on Kendall with flaring eyes. "Kendall, I really don't want to hear it, alright?" His eyes narrowed. "I thought you were different, but you're just like the rest of them!"

"James, please . . ." Then Kendall was crying, huge salty tears sliding down his cheeks. It could've been fake, but it didn't look it.

James was so startled he didn't care either way. "No, look—don't, it's ok . . ."

"No it's not!" Kendall snapped, a tear dripping off his chin. "I'm such an idiot! I don't know why I thought I could do this . . ."

"Well, I certainly didn't think you were the cheating type."

"I . . . I'm not, really."

"Oh yeah? You were on the phone to your boyfriend just there, am I right?" James's tone suddenly became sarcastic. "Or was it some kind of hooker phone sex?"

"James, I-I know I should've told you . . ."

"Well, why not tell me now, then?" James folded his arms. "I'm waiting."

Kendall's bottom lip trembled slightly. "I-I can't tell you."

"Of _course_ you can't." James rolled his eyes, but they just ended up going back to Kendall. _It's not fair. How is it he can have red eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks, be a lying little cheat, and **still** be the most beautiful thing in the whole universe?_

"I can't, I can't . . ." He dried his eyes with shaking hands.

"Why not? I already know you're a two-timing—" A lightbulb went on in James's head. "It's because I'm a cop, isn't it? It's something illegal!"

"No!" But Kendall replied way too quickly, and the fear in his eyes said enough on its own.

"So, what is Sean? A dealer? A pimp?"

Kendall was shaking, and James felt slightly guilty. But his determination to find out the truth was stronger, and he waited. Eventually Kendall whispered, "Pimp."

James gritted his teeth. "I see. And of course, you didn't want me to know because you two have a _thing_ going on, and if I got him arrested—"

"No! James, that's not it at all, I swear!" Kendall protested.

"Then what is it? Explain to me."

Kendall looked terrified, but suddenly every bit as determined and stubborn as James was. "I hate Sean, ok? He's an asshole."

"Then why do you work for him?"

Kendall sighed, but continued. "I owe him, and I'm not gonna explain why. Thirty months. It sucks, but that's the way it is. I've been living with him for two years, acting like his stupid little _slut_ —" Kendall had to stop to take a breath.

James spoke before he could say anymore. "Ok, I get the picture." He couldn't help feeling sceptical. "So, if you hate him so much, why not just leave him? Or report him?"

Kendall almost looked angry. "Shit load of good that would do. He's smart, and leaving him would just make him angrier. It's bad enough even when I do what he wants. And getting him arrested? He's got friends, and they'd be pissed. Plus, he'd probably manage to get out of any penalty, and then what would happen to me?"

James pursed his lips together. It all made sense, in a way. It was believable. But was it true?

Kendall was staring at him. Too late James realised he was waiting for the brunette to say something, anything. Kendall sniffled and said, "I'm really sorry, Jamie."

Then he turned and walked away, hips swaying naturally with each step. James watched him go, his heart sinking. Why did this have to happen? Kendall and his over-controlling boyfriend-pimp-thing. Maybe Kendall had lied to him, but didn't he have good reason? If Sean was as bad as he said . . . but then maybe Kendall was just playing him, maybe none of it was true. Suddenly, James decided he didn't care whether it was true or not. He believed it, and that was enough for now. He liked Kendall way too much to let him slip through his fingers like this.

It was only when James decided this that he realised Kendall had turned the corner and disappeared from view.

James ran, dodging past tourists and locals until he reached the corner. He dashed around it, trying to spot Kendall among the crowds of people. He spotted a blonde head and hurried towards it. As he tapped the blonde on the shoulder, he realised the outfit he was wearing was different. The stranger gave him a puzzled glance, and he apologised quickly before moving on.

He looked around frantically. _There!_ Across the street. Same jeans, same jacket. James walked to the edge of the sidewalk, watching the cars drive past. God Dammit, he _had_ to get across the road. He spotted a pedestrian light down the street, where people were starting to cross. He crossed the road with them, struggling to keep sight of Kendall as he kept moving further away.

He got closer with each step; Kendall wasn't walking very fast. Then, finally, James was behind him. He reached out with one hand and caught Kendall around the waist. Kendall yelped and jumped away from him. "Don't do that!" His hand went over his stomach at the same time, almost instinctively.

"Sorry. And I'm sorry about getting pissed. I wanna give you another chance—" James stopped, noticing the movement. "Lift your shirt."

"What?"

"Just do it, Kendall. I'll get a warrant if I have to."

Kendall sighed and slid a hand under his shirt, lifting it up and exposing his stomach. There was a large, ugly purple bruise a couple inches above the waist of his jeans. Kendall dropped the shirt again immediately, eyes on the ground. James saw tear tracks on his face. Any other time he would've wondered if Kendall had been crying over him. Right now he was distracted.

James had learned about injuries like bruises, thanks to his job. A bruise like that had to be at least a day old. And James remembered something from the day before. Good memory was important in his job too.

Kendall saw the look in his eyes and sighed. "Yes, James. When I was on the phone to you yesterday, the yelling at the end wasn't Eric joking around. It was Sean. Ok? He called me because he was pissed that I _spoke_ to his friend Dak when he came round. I can't even _look_ at another guy and he gets mad." He paused. "Unless they're a customer. Then he encourages it."

 _That,_ James decided, _is all the proof I need._

But he kept going. "So . . . he hit you?"

"No. he kicked me, and _then_ hit me. Then he dragged me to bed with him." Kendall's eyes were dark and gloomy looking. "I'm sure you get the rest."

"Yeah, you don't need to explain anymore." James smiled at him. "You wanna start over?"

Kendall smiled back, his eyes brightening. "Ok." He brushed his bangs out of his eyes. "Hi, I'm Kendall." He held out his hand.

James took it and pulled him closer, wrapping his other arm around his waist. "I'm James," he murmured into Kendall's ear, blowing on it and making him laugh. "So, do you wanna go have dinner somewhere?"

"Did you remember your wallet?"

"Haha."

James took Kendall by the hand and they began to head back the other way. Then Kendall stopped. "James, wait."

"What?" James watched him intently.

"You . . . you can't report this. Any of it, about Sean. You have to promise you won't."

James nodded, deciding not to argue. "Ok. I promise."

They walked back the way they came, hand in hand. Neither of them could stop smiling.

* * *

"Look, I know I haven't given you much notice, Sean—"

"Yeah, no shit. You're just clearing off? No warning?"

"You've still got the other guys, Sean. This is an opportunity I'm not gonna miss out on, not for you or anybody else."

Sean sighed. "Ok, ok. Go pack. I want you out of here in an hour."

Logan left the kitchen and went into his room, where Kendall was lying on his bed, texting. He sat up when Logan came in, smiling in greeting. "Hey, Logie."

"Hi, Kendall. Uh . . ." Logan put his hands behind his back, bouncing slightly on his toes. "I wanna say something."

"Shoot."

"I'm moving out."

"What?" Kendall leaped to his feet. "Where? I don't understand."

"Well, I'm going to med school now, and I'm done with all this. And when I said this to Carlos, we both kinda got the same idea."

Kendall raised his eyebrows. "I think I know where this is going."

"We bought a flat. It's small, but it's really great and we went furniture shopping a few days this week, so it's really starting to come together."

"Aha. So that's where you were." Kendall ran a hand through his hair. "And you guys really want to move in together? You're really leaving?"

Logan suddenly felt guilty. "I'm sorry, Kenny. You're my best friend, and I feel like I'm totally ditching you. I really want this, but . . ."

"No, you should go for it," Kendall said, smiling. "I mean, as long as it's what both of you really want. You don't wanna rush anything."

"I know. And we both agreed to take it slow for a while if either of us get a little . . . uncomfortable? Is that the word?"

"Doesn't matter. You'll be great together."

Logan grinned and resumed packing, talking all the while about his and Carlos's new life together. Kendall helped him pack and he was ready within thirty minutes he was ready. He walked out into the driveway, putting his suitcase in the trunk of the black jeep. "Is Sean ok with you taking this car?" Kendall asked, dropping the backpack in next to the suitcase.

"Matt and I paid for it. He can't argue."

Kendall laughed, shutting the trunk. "Well, I . . . I guess I'll see you around, maybe."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Just give me a hug."

Kendall did, clinging onto him for a good minute or two. He eventually pulled back, smiling sadly. "Bye, Logie."

"Later, babe." Logan got into the car. "I'll call you."

When Logan arrived in the new apartment, it was empty. Logan looked at his watch; Carlos was supposed to arrive soon enough. He walked into the one bedroom, dumping his bags on the bed and lying down. He couldn't believe this was really happening. He was finally going to med school, he'd found the perfect guy, and now they were moving in together. Although he was sure it would be strange at first, he was excited.

When he heard the front door open he leaped up cheerfully and walked out into the living room. "Hi!"

Carlos grinned at him, kicking the door shut because his arms were full. "Hey. Sorry I'm late; I went and bought food on my way over here."

"It's cool. Here, I'll take those from you . . ." Logan took the grocery bags and set them on the table. "This is . . . I dunno, so new."

"I know." Carlos laughed. "I'm gonna wake up in the morning and wonder where the hell I am and why I can't hear James snoring."

Logan chuckled. "You know, we wouldn't have this if you hadn't helped me with school. I really owe you for that."

"You don't owe me anything. I wanted to help."

"Well, yeah, but thanks to that I had enough cash left to pitch in with all this. It's amazing."

Carlos laughed, putting his bags on the floor and winding his arms around Logan's waist. He left little kisses on the back of his neck and said, "You know, I think we should go christen our new bed."

Logan laughed too, taking Carlos by the hand and leading him into their room. "That's just another one of your great ideas."

Logan shoved his bags onto the floor and lay down on the bed, Carlos quickly following and straddling his waist. They kissed slowly and gently, pulling each other's clothes off at a much faster pace. Carlos got to preparing Logan quickly, working his fingers in and out of him as his lips left little kisses over his chest.

"Carlos, now," Logan groaned, hands tangled in Carlos's thick dark hair.

Logan let out a contented sigh as Carlos pushed into him. They waited for a moment, and then Logan nodded at him. Carlos began moving, keeping it slow at first. Heavy breathing almost echoed around the room, and changed to moaning as they began to speed up. Logan pulled Carlos down for a kiss, muffling their simultaneous groans as they reached orgasm.

Logan grinned, winding his arms around Carlos's neck and pulling him down. "You're awesome."

Carlos grinned back, kissing him on the nose. "So are you."

It was almost an 'I love you' and both of them knew this. But Logan just said, "We should probably get up in a few. We've got a lot of unpacking to do."

* * *

Kendall was looking for his favourite pair of vans when Eric walked into their room. "Hey."

Kendall turned around. "Hi. What's up?"

"Matt texted me his new address. He invited us to go visit him once he's settled in."

"Really? That's awesome."

"Ok, I have a question." Suddenly Eric had a serious look on his face. "Why didn't you just tell Matt straight out that you only like him as a friend?"

Kendall was a little startled by the question. He sat down on his bed. "I dunno. I was just a little confused. And I didn't wanna hurt him either."

Eric rolled his eyes. "Jesus, you'd think he'd feel a little bitterness over the whole thing, but _no._ He'd never get mad at you, ever." Eric laughed. "Did you know, when I decided to change, it was for him. Not that it makes a difference."

"Eric . . .?"

"Matt gets so mad at me all the time," Eric continued. "He never got mad at you, ever." He laughed. "He told me, you know. About his _feelings_. Asked me for advice on how to win you over! Do you have any idea how that made me feel? _Do you?_ "

"Eric . . . I didn't. You could've—"

"Yeah, I could've told you, but what would that matter? Matt liked you anyway." Eric glared at Kendall. "It's all your fault, you know. Just . . . walking in here with your stupid big green eyes. God, you should've seen the way Matt just _melted_ at the sight of you. Stupid blonde bitch . . ." Eric looked close to tears. "I hated you for so long because of it, but it was so hard to hate you because you were so nice, and that just made me angrier. Then I tried to hate Matt for a while, but that was even worse."

"Eric, I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say.

"And now he's gone, he almost _died_ , because you couldn't give him a damn straight answer." Eric _was_ crying now.

"Eric, I—"

"Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you." He got up and left the room, leaving Kendall sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. He shut his eyes and hid his face in his hands, wishing he could just disappear off the face of the earth. Everything was his fault. Everything. He got up off his bed, grabbing his jacket and bag off the floor.

Kendall got into his car and sped out of the driveway. He needed to get away. What with Matt being gone, and now Logan, and Eric being mad at him . . . of course, he couldn't blame him for it. He'd be upset too. And angry. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

Kendall parked his car and hopped out, heading towards the Crystal hotel. It was starting to feel like home to him now. Well, one of the many homes he seemed to have. He walked into the lobby and over to the bar, all the noise soothed him a little.

He sat down at one of the stools, calling the barman over. "Hey, Kendall," he greeted.

"Hey." Kendall sighed. "Get me your strongest drink. I don't care what it is."

"Hard day, blondie?" the man on the stool next to him asked.

Kendall nodded, turning back to the barman, who smiled sympathetically. "About Matt?"

"Sort of. About everything, really."

Once he had his drink, he felt only slightly better. And when the man spoke again, Kendall started to pay more attention to him.

"Hey, you're cute," the tall man said with a grin, and he must've been like _forty_ , but Kendall really didn't care. He felt reckless and stupid.

"Thanks," he replied, picking up his drink. He would've returned the compliment but . . . this guy? He was kind of creepy looking, with tan skin, dark hair and a smirk on his face that never seemed to disappear.

"Hey!" The barman came over as the guy said, "I'll take a martini. Dry. And put both of these on my tab, yeah?"

Kendall rolled his eyes and laughed. "That's so cheesy, dude."

"Maybe." The guy got his drink and took a few sips, then said, "But are you complaining?"

Kendall rested his chin on his hand, smiling. "No, I guess not."

"Wait, I know you," the old guy said, hand resting on Kendall's thigh. "You're one of those whores, right?"

Kendall giggled, knocking back the last of his drink. "Uh huh. That's me."

The guy smirked, taking a gulp of his own drink. "Though you look familiar from somewhere else . . . how about I buy you another drink while I think about it?"

Kendall rolled his eyes and laughed as he called the barman over. Once he got his second drink, he was just taking the first sip of it when the guy snapped his fingers and said, "Now I remember! You were in Paul's club."

"Yeah, I was," Kendall replied, continuing on his drink and relishing in the lightheaded feeling it gave him.

The guy smirked. "You were hot. I used to watch you dance all the time."

Kendall smiled, thinking, _Ugh! How much older is he, and he used to watch me dance? I was like nineteen. That's so gross._ While Kendall was tempted to ask the stranger's age—it probably wouldn't be a strange thing to do, considering how tipsy he was getting—instead he just gave a flirty laugh, flipping the bangs out of his eyes. He had no intention of doing anything with this guy (ugh) but he was seriously fed up, with everything. And the guy was buying him drinks, which made him feel better.

Three more drinks and the fuzzy feeling in Kendall's head had increased dramatically. Normally being such a lightweight was a liability, but at times when getting wasted was what he wanted, it came in handy.

Kendall's eyes drifted downwards, and widened slightly when he saw the bulge in the man's pants. _Ok, that's really gross . . . he's so **old** . . ._ When their eyes locked again, the guy's smirk was wider. He seemed to know what Kendall was thinking.

"Um, I should go," Kendall said quickly. He still had a little bit of sense left. He stumbled slightly as he got up, and started slowly making his way to the door.

"Why don't you let me walk you to you car?" the man said from right behind him.

"No, it's ok . . ." Kendall was just thinking about how it wasn't a good idea for him to drive after drinking that much when he was yanked into the little alley at the side of the hotel. He was already unsteady on his feet, and ended up tripping and falling against the wall.

"Suck me off, you little bitch," the man growled, shoving him onto his knees. He unbuttoned his jeans, yanking his hard shaft out of his boxers with one hand, keeping a firm grip on Kendall's hair with the other.

Kendall winced, sure he'd lost at least half his hair. He inched forward on his knees, before leaning forward and licking a long line along the man's dick. He swirled his tongue along the slit before engulfing the entire shaft in his mouth. He choked slightly when the tip hit the back of his throat; he didn't think he'd ever get used to that.

The stranger moaned, hands gripping Kendall's hair tightly. Kendall sucked a little harder on his erection, hands resting on the other's hips. His vision faded in and out, his head spinning and pounding at the same time. Suddenly he heard a low, shuddery moan from the man above him and knew he was close. He quickly pulled off as the man turned slightly, his seed splashing over the ground. It wasn't a prefect hit, however, Kendall licking away the little bit of cum on his face, too wasted to even shudder at the taste of it.

Suddenly the stranger was yanking him to his feet again, and suddenly their lips were touching, and the man's tongue was darting around in his mouth. Kendall tried to pull away but he was only held tighter. The guy pulled back from him, though his arms were still brushing off him, keeping him there.

"I'm curious," he chuckled, running a hand over Kendall's backside. "How old are you?"

"Um . . ." Kendall tried to remember. He could barely even stand, let alone think at this moment. "Uh . . . twenny two . . ."

"Hmm. Two bad. My wife'd give me grief over this."

 _This asshole is married? What idiot would marry him?_ Kendall managed to slur, "How old are you?"

"Forty five."

"Ugh . . ." Kendall staggered backwards, away from him. He felt so dirty. More so than usual. He rested a hand against the wall, trying to stand up straighter. What the heck had happened to him?

* * *

James walked out of the office, head pounding. Four hours overtime. Sure, the cash was good, but seriously. He was exhausted. Why did Kelly have to go home early and leave all that work behind her? Ack. He felt too lazy to even walk to where he'd parked his car. The office should've had a parking lot. For God's sake, he had to walk _three freaking blocks_. Ok, normally it wasn't such a big deal, but today he was tired.

As he was passing the Crystal, he spotted a familiar slim blonde figure slumped against the wall, eyes half shut. "Kendall!"

Kendall didn't respond until James got closer and repeated himself in a louder voice. He looked up at James through hooded eyelids. "Ohh. Hi, Jamie." He sounded strange, like he had a mouthful of sweets or something. James twigged it in a second.

"Kendall, are you . . .?"

Kendall staggered, James quickly grabbing him and holding him up. There was his answer. Kendall laughed, though it sounded more like sobbing than anything. "Sorry, I'm kinda clumsy . . ."

James wondered if he should be worried, or disgusted, or if he should laugh. None of these options seemed fitting. He started walking, pulling the extremely drunk Kendall along with him. "C'mon, I'll drive you home."

"Mmkay . . ." Kendall sighed, barely walking three steps without bumping into someone. When he almost tripped James up, Kendall suddenly started to cry. "Oh God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry . . ."

"Huh? No, it's ok." James stopped walking for a second, trying to comfort the hysterical blonde.

"No it's not! I messed everything up!" Kendall slurred, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "They hate me; they all do! I hurt my family, I hurt Matt, I hurt you . . ."

"What? No, I'm alright, I mean—"

"Matt got hurt, stabbed, all my fault!" Kendall clapped a hand to his mouth and continued to sob.

"Your . . .?" James shook his head in bemusement and led Kendall down the street.

"I'm so stupid . . ." He half laughed. "I'm a dumb blonde. He was like fifty . . . and he's married . . ."

Kendall giggled but continued to cry, body quivering with the force of his sobs. This definitely didn't help him with his balance; he couldn't even walk a few steps in a straight line with stumbling or tripping. James just led him along, wondering what the hell he was talking about. Then he realised it was probably a terrible idea to bring Kendall home like this. How would Sean react? Especially if he saw James dropping him off. But he couldn't let Kendall wander off when he was like this.

It only took another second for him to make up his mind as he arrived in the parking lot. He fished the keys out of his pocket and unlocked it, before getting Kendall into the passenger seat and walking around to the driver's seat. As he started the car, Kendall's head lolled against the window, a few tears still sliding down his cheeks. "Kendall . . ." James bit his lip. "Are you usually a drinker?"

"Huh?" Kendall looked horrified, hammered as he was. "No, never. Ever . . ." Kendall wiped another tear off his face. "You know me . . . stooooopid . . ."

"Kendall, you're not stupid." James knew he said it abruptly, but he needed to get this point across. "You're smart, really smart. I know you don't think that, but you really are."

Kendall didn't say anything, but James saw him smiling out of the corner of his eye.

By the time they reached James's apartment, Kendall had stopped crying, and seemed a little giddy. And very dizzy, stumbling and crashing into the wall at one point. They finally got into the apartment, James flicking the light on. He was really glad Kendall was too wasted to see the mess the place was in.

He was also really glad Faye and Summer were out as Kendall fell against the table, half sitting on it, swinging his long legs back and forth. His mood seemed to have changed dramatically; he was currently biting his lip and giggling faintly.

"C'mon," James said kindly, taking him by the hand and leading him into what used to be his and Carlos's bedroom.

"Lie down here," James said, guiding Kendall over to his bed and laying him down on his back. Kendall was still laughing; hysterical drunken giggles as he grabbed James by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down on top of him.

James was shocked at this advance, but let his eyes drift shut as Kendall started kissing and licking at his neck. It was only when Kendall's legs wound around his waist and pulled him closer that he remembered Kendall was totally wasted and probably wouldn't remember anything in the morning.

"Kendall—" It came out as a groan as Kendall nibbled on his neck. "Kendall, we . . ."

Kendall's hands went to James's shirt, unbuttoning it bit by bit, fumbling slightly with the buttons as he started giggling again. "Shh." He smirked, looking up at James through hooded eyelids and long blonde lashes. "I'm in charge now, so just behave yourself." He laughed again. "Or I might have to punish you."

While James loved the idea of Kendall punishing him, he took Kendall's hands in his, stopping him from pulling his shirt off. "Kendall, you're drunk."

"And you're cute, now I think we've covered the obvious."

"No, I mean, you're totally wasted."

"And your point is . . .?"

James really wanted to give in, especially when Kendall squirmed out of his grip and pushed his shirt off his shoulders, before running his fingers all over his abs, tightening the grip his legs had on James's waist. Then without warning, he placed a hand on the back of James's neck and yanked him down, kissing him hard.

James couldn't help moaning into the kiss and tangling a hand in Kendall's hair, though his conscience kept screaming _'Don't take advantage of him!'_ After another minute of the arguing between both sides of his mind, James decided his conscience was annoying and it couldn't hurt to ignore it for once, and he started kissing Kendall back.

However, after only a couple of seconds, Kendall stopped kissing him, and his grip on James loosened. James opened his eyes to see that Kendall had passed out in the middle of making out with him. At first James groaned in frustration. Then he started chuckling, because really. This was funny, and maybe it was better off this way.

As James untangled himself from Kendall, he couldn't help smiling fondly at the sleeping blonde. Or sleeping beauty. He looked so adorable when he was asleep. **_My_** _sleeping beauty_ , James thought to himself, as he watched the slow movements of Kendall's chest as he breathed. Who cared about Sean, really? He didn't matter.

Because he didn't want to freak Kendall out, James decided he'd sleep in Carlos's bed tonight. Not that the Latino would be using it anymore anyway.


	10. I'm Forever Yours, Faithfully

  
When Kendall woke up, he had a terrible headache. And he didn't know where he was. At first he just lay there for a second, eyes shut, groaning quietly. Then he opened his eyes slowly, staring up at the white ceiling. This was the same as his own bedroom ceiling, so at first nothing was out of place. Then he sat up and realised he was in a bed that wasn't his. His eyes widened, for a second he was overcome with panic, shaking and breathing erratically, almost in tears. Oh God, what had happened to him? Had he been raped? He really didn't want to deal with that again. Or maybe he'd been _kidnapped?_

He looked around the room frantically, eyes eventually resting on the nightstand next to him. He spotted a photo with a familiar face in it. He picked it up, almost crying with relief when he saw a picture of James and Carlos with two girls, arms around each other. _James._

He got off the bed slowly, wincing when his headache worsened. When he checked his watch he saw it wasn't even 7am yet. He glanced at the other bed in the room; it was empty. He got off the bed—wincing when his headache worsened—and walked towards the door, opening it and walking down the hallway into the living room of the apartment. He looked around, seeing nobody else. He thought he heard the distant sound of a shower running. He sat down almost hesitantly on a stool, heart pounding. He couldn't leave; wouldn't that be rude? But he felt so out of place here, and what if James's sister came and saw him? What would she think?

Suddenly he realised he was sitting on a stool in front of a shiny black piano. He turned around in his seat, facing it and looking down at the keys. He hadn't played for a few years, really. But the temptation to start again was very strong, and he slowly rested a hand on the keys, playing a few in a row with the tips of his fingers. He smiled to himself, lifting his other hand and resting it on the keys too. After another brief hesitation, he started to play. His eyes drifted shut slightly as the melody of 'Somewhere only we know' filled the room. He'd missed this so much; he still had his guitar but he didn't have as much time to play it anymore. He certainly hadn't written anything.

He struck a wrong key, grimacing slightly. What was it again? Ugh . . .

"You're good."

Kendall almost jumped out of his skin, turning to see James standing there, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, towel-drying his hair. Kendall started blushing, stuttering. "Oh God, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have . . . sorry . . ."

"Babe, relax. It's tempting, right?"

Kendall nodded, still blushing as he got up. James stepped closer to him. "Why don't you play another one?" he said softly, smiling. "I'd like to hear you play more. And can you sing?"

Kendall shrugged feebly. "I'm alright, I guess."

"Then play me something while I get you some tea." James walked into the kitchen area. "I know coffee is better for hangovers, but we've run out, so . . . green tea?"

"That sounds great. Thanks."

"Hey, I'm getting paid here." James smirked. "Now, play something."

Kendall blushed again, but sat back down and slowly started playing another song. His dad had taught him most of the songs he knew, and they were the only ones he ever played. His dad had always encouraged him to sing along, but he didn't think he was good at all. Still, maybe James wouldn't care much.

He played the first line or two silently, blushing furiously when James called, "I don't hear any singing!"

Kendall sighed. "Fine." He took a deep breath, joining in with the next line. ". . . They say that the road ain't no place to start a family, but right down the line it's been you and me." He swallowed and continued. "And loving a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be, oh girl, you stand by me, I'm forever yours, faithfully." He stopped, staring at the piano. He knew his cheeks were probably rosy red, but he really didn't care at this point.

He heard James walking over, sitting next to him. "Why'd you stop? I liked it."

"Do you play too?" Kendall asked quietly.

"Yeah, and guitar. And the drums a little bit."

"Me too. Though I haven't played this in . . . well, forever."

James smiled. "Why not continue, then? And don't forget the singing."

Kendall laughed, elbowing him lightly. "Alright, Mr Pushy. You sing with me. I wanna hear you too."

He started playing the second verse, watching James in anticipation. James chuckled at his expression, and started to sing. "Circus life, under the big top world, we all need the clowns to make us smile . . ."

Kendall joined in with him after a poke in the shoulder. "Through space and time, always another show, wondering where I am, lost without you, and being apart ain't easy on this love affair, two strangers learn to fall in love again, I get the joy of rediscovering you . . ."

"Oh _boy_ , you stand by me," James sang with a grin, making Kendall giggle.

"I'm forever yours, faithfully."

James smiled at Kendall, kissing him on the nose. "You've got talent, kid."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "This isn't _Idol_ , Jamie. But thanks."

James got up, heading over to the counter. "Tea's done." He put the two mugs on the table, beckoning for Kendall to come over and sit down. He did, taking one of the steaming cups. "Thank you."

James grinned, watching Kendall blow gently over the steaming cup of tea, before taking a dainty sip. "So, how much did you drink last night, anyway? Just curious."

"Oh." Kendall blushed furiously. He hid his burning face in his hands. "Oh God, I can't believe you had to see me like that."

"It's not that big a deal—"

"No, this has to be the most embarrassing that's ever happened to me," Kendall groaned into his hands.

"It's fine, really. Everyone gets wasted once in a while. It's fun."

"Well, yeah. But . . ." Kendall sighed, taking his hands down and wrapping them around his mug of tea again. "Ok, I should say this in case there's any doubt. I'm not a drinker. I might drink a little bit, but not that often! And I don't take drugs. Never have, never will." Kendall looked down at the table. "Just thought I should clear that up." He looked up again. "So, how bad was it?"

"What?"

"My drunkenness. How bad was it?"

"Not that bad, actually. You were just a little emotional." James chuckled. "I mean, you were either laughing or crying."

"Oh, _God_." Kendall hid his face in his hands again.

"It's no big deal." James paused. "You went on for a while about it being your fault Matt got stabbed. And how everyone hated you."

Kendall half laughed. "Well, they do. I mess everything up. I don't do it on purpose, but I just hurt everyone."

"Funny, that's exactly what you said last night." James took another sip of his tea. "So, about the Matt thing? Sorry to get all criminalist on you, but you left that out of the questioning."

"Oh. Well, I didn't think it mattered." Kendall took a drink of tea too. "It was just the reason he was in the hotel at the time."

"Why, did you fight?"

"No, not really. But . . ." Kendall swallowed. "Matt liked me. Like, more than a friend. I felt a little . . . uncertain, so I told him I needed time to think. That's why he left for work when Sean said he wanted some of us to go, and he volunteered."

James nodded, thinking: _Is there anyone who **doesn't** want to steal him away? Jesus . . ._

But, Matt liking Kendall. Sean being a possessive asshole. The two sentences put together made a far-fetched but interesting theory. Hmm . . .

James decided he should change the subject. "I'm gonna make breakfast. You're gonna have some. No objections."

Kendall chuckled, smiling sweetly. "Ok. Thanks."

James threw some slices of bacon in a pan and put bread in the toaster. "So, Kendall. Give me ten random facts about yourself."

Kendall laughed. "Why?"

"I dunno. I just wanna know more."

"You are _such_ a cop. You've got that whole interrogation thing down . . ."

"Haha. Ok, facts."

"Only if you give me ten facts too, yeah?"

"Ok. We'll take turns. You first."

"Um . . . I'm a _Harry Potter_ freak."

"Hmm, I'm more of a _Lord of the Rings_ guy."

"I'm a cat person."

"I sang opera when I was ten."

Kendall laughed at this. "My favourite flower is a sunflower."

"My favourite movie ever is _Fox & the Hound_, and has been since I was five."

"When I was seven I got lost in Vegas."

"What? No way! What happened?"

"I just wandered off, looking at one of those huge fountains. Next thing I looked around and I couldn't see my mom anywhere."

"Were you scared?"

"Yeah, for a little bit. Then I just kind of sat still and she came back and found me. Now, your turn."

"Ok. Uh, the fist concert I ever went to was John Mayer, and before I went, I hated him with a passion."

"I've never left America."

"I love horse-riding. Like, really love it."

"I hate rap music."

"When I was sixteen I got a job as an elbow model."

"Really? How did that go?"

"I was annoyed at first that they only wanted to model my elbow. But then I got five hundred bucks and I cheered up."

"Huh. Oh, my turn. Ok . . . I'm allergic to peanuts."

"You are? Oh, well, I'll keep that in mind. When I was in second grade, my mom was my teacher. It was mortifying."

"I like painting, but I don't really have the time anymore."

"I . . . love cheese."

"Well, I'll keep _that_ in mind. I'm pretty sure I have at least twelve different plaid shirts and beanie hats."

"Really? I've never seen you wearing them."

Kendall just winked. "They're not appropriate for work, which is usually when you see me, isn't it?"

"Oh. Ok then. Um, I went to France when I was seventeen, but I was sick for the whole trip." James took some of the bacon out of the pan and put it on two plates, doing the same with the toast. He sat down at the table, handing Kendall a plate.

"Thank you. Er, I hate spiders."

"Hmm. Funny, I do too." James leaned closer to Kendall so their foreheads were barely touching. "My tenth fact. I'm starting to get this thing for prostitutes. I have no idea what caused it, but, well . . ."

Kendall just laughed, placing a chaste kiss on James's lips. "I think that's my favourite of the ten."

"Mmm. Mine too." James kissed Kendall on the forehead. "I've gotta get to work soon, so I'm gonna eat now."

"Good idea." They were almost finished their breakfast when Faye and Summer came out of their room, both fully dressed and made up. "Morning!" Summer said, beaming. Faye just smiled in greeting.

Then they both saw Kendall and stopped, looking puzzled. "Uh, James," Faye said slowly. "Who's this?"

James smiled up at them. "This is Kendall. Remember, I mentioned him before."

James saw Faye and Summer take one look at Kendall's skin tight jeans, and equally tight shirt that showed off his tiny waist whenever he moved. She returned Kendall's friendly smile with a half-heartened one and walked straight over to the counter. "Is the bacon for us?"

"Uh huh." James could have strangled both of them when he saw Kendall's eyes drift down towards the table again, cheeks darkening. He wrapped a comforting arm around Kendall's shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. He attempted to smile back, but failed. As everyone ate, there was a distinctive coldness in the room. As soon as Kendall was finished he looked at his watch and said, "You know, I really need to get going." He got up, James following him immediately. "Thanks so much for everything, uh . . ." He glanced briefly at Faye and Summer. "Nice meeting you." Neither responded.

Kendall turned to James. "I had a bag last night. Do you . . ."

"Yeah, it's here." James picked it up and handed it over to him.

"Thanks." James and Kendall both walked towards the door, opening it. Kendall turned around, smiling at James. "See you around."

"Yeah, I'll call you." James kissed Kendall gently, draping one arm loosely around his waist, Kendall putting his hands on James's shoulders. Their lips moved in synch, just innocent kisses over and over again. When James heard someone back in the apartment clear their throat, he pulled back with a sigh. "Are you ok getting home?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Kendall gave him another quick kiss on the cheek, before turning and heading down the corridor.

James waited until he was out of sight, then shut the door. He stood there for another second, before turning around to glare at his flatmates. "What was that? I mean, couldn't you have been a little friendlier to him?"

Faye just rolled her eyes. "Jesus, when you said he was a hooker you weren't exaggerating."

James narrowed his eyes. "I never told you that."

"No, but Summer did."

James turned on Summer furiously. "Summer! You said you wouldn't!" Who cared if he sounded like a little kid?

"She pressured me into telling her," Summer replied sheepishly.

"And now, I'm gonna pressure you, baby brother." Faye stood up, arms folded. "Who is he? Every detail."

"What? No!"

"Oh, so it's something you need to hide?"

"No! Well . . ."

"Answer me, James Diamond."

James bit his lip. Then he explained, trying to keep his voice calm and level. He figured they'd find out eventually anyway. And, maybe they'd be a little nicer to Kendall if they knew the position he was in. "You can't report it," he finished. "I promised I wouldn't, you have to too."

Faye rolled her eyes. "For God's sake, what are you getting yourself into? It's dangerous; can't you see that? He's trouble; he's obviously playing you!"

"No he isn't! You don't know him, do you?"

"And you do? How much do really know about him?"

"I like him," James said lamely. "I really do, and I'm not gonna lose him, not now."

"Oh, you know what? Fine!" Faye threw her arms in the air for emphasis. "Go ahead, James! I mean, you just love a hooker whose boyfriend is also his possessive pimp! What could _possibly_ go wrong?"

James nodded, grinning, then stopped. "Hold on. Are you being sarcastic?"

Faye made some kind of angry noise, grabbed her briefcase and stormed out, yelling something about going to work. James shrugged at Summer, who just sighed and shook her head. "I don't know, Jamie. Maybe it's a bad idea."

James rolled his eyes and walked out, grabbing his jacket and yelling about going to work too. Maybe he and Faye really were alike after all.

* * *

When Kendall unlocked the front door of the house and walked in, the first thing that he saw was a flash of blond charging at him. "Thank _God!_ "

Kendall squeaked as Eric hugged him so tightly his feet left the ground. "Eric, what . . .?"

"Dude, you have no idea how worried I was!" Eric was yelling, eyes wide and distraught. "I mean, you just walked out and didn't come back! I thought something had happened to you!"

"Oh." Kendall raked a hand through his hair. "I'm fine. I was with James."

"Ohh. With James." Eric smirked, back to his old self. "How was he? Was he good?"

"Relax, nothing happened." Kendall walked past Eric and down the hallway. "I was probably too hammered to do anything, anyway."

"Hammered? Oh, Kendall." Eric walked after him. "Is that my fault? I know I'm pissed off with you and all, but I don't want you to leave."

Kendall sighed, smiling to himself. "Eric, it's ok. And, you know, I think you and Matt would be great together. Really. He just doesn't realise it yet. But he will."

"And you're not just saying that to make me feel better?"

"No way. I'm not that kind."

Eric laughed. "Of course; how could I forget?"

Kendall sighed. "Glad we're friends again."

"Me too. Imagine the _tension_ that would go on."

Kendall trooped into the house one day a couple of weeks later, half asleep already even though it wasn't even six o'clock yet. God, lectures could go on for hours. He fell onto his bed, sighing. College was tough, but it'd be worth it in the end. He rolled over onto his stomach, reaching for the drawer of the nightstand and taking out a little calendar and a pen. He crossed out another day, feeling his mood lift automatically. Only four weeks left now. Kendall turned the page, smiling at the date that had _FREE!_ written all over it in red pen.

Kendall heard the door open and a voice saying, "Hey, blondie. Watcha doin'?"

"Nothing." He put the calendar back and sat up, turning to look at Eric, who was holding a large paper bag. "What's in there?"

Eric chuckled. "Well, knowing me and my kind, sensitive nature—stop laughing!—I still feel a little bad about our fight. And you know how I said like three months ago that you'd look sexy in a big shirt?" Eric's hand dived into the bag and took out a large white button-down shirt. "Ta da!"

Kendall stood up, walking over and taking it. "Thanks, Eric," he said in between giggles as he held the shirt against his body. The sleeves weren't that bad, but the end of the shirt reached halfway down his thighs. "When do you expect me to wear this?"

"I dunno; wear it for James, I bet he'd _love_ it." Eric winked at him.

Hmm. Interesting idea. Kendall ripped the tag off. "I think I'll keep it. You never know," Kendall paused and grinned, "It might come in handy."

"Aha!" Eric said with a flourish of his hand. "See? I can be helpful!"

Kendall laughed. "Yes, you can. So, now what?"

"Reruns of _CSI_. You owe me!" Eric grabbed Kendall by the arm and dragged him into the living room, shoving him onto the couch, before picking up the remote and switching the TV on.

"I don't know how you watch this," Kendall muttered, hiding a smile.

"It's awesome, that's how!" Eric replied, outraged. "Now shush."

Kendall rolled his eyes, and tried to pay attention to the episode. He found himself zoning in and out, and it was only when about twenty minutes had gone that he realised what it was about. _Oh, great, they're talking about rape. Why can't they just solve happy little ordinary murder cases? Why does sex always have to be involved? Oh God, there's even a **prostitute** in this episode . . . hmm, Eric Szmanda's kind of cute. No, stop it, Kendall, he's a celebrity, plus you have a boyfriend, **two** in fact . . . oh fantastic, they're talking to victims now. I really don't need to hear this._

Suddenly he heard shrieking, terrified cries of pain. His eyes widened as he was brought harshly back to attention.

He hated those little flashback moments, when they showed the victim pinned down, screaming and crying in horror, the suspect just laughing, not caring. Suddenly he couldn't hear anything the overpaid actors were saying. That screaming, and the laughing . . . God, it sounded way too familiar . . .

He felt some of the old panic returning to him. That _trapped_ feeling, the feeling that something horrible was going to happen and there was nobody around to save him. Nobody _could_ save him; all this had happened in the past, nobody had been there to help him. And when they had . . .

Kendall got to his feet and hurried out of the room. He only made it to the door of his room before collapsing against the doorframe, tears finally flowing down his cheeks. _Oh Dad, I'm sorry. It's all my fault. Why am I so stupid? Why does everyone think I'm so cool under pressure, because I can't handle it! I can't take this anymore . . ._

"Kendall?"

Kendall immediately looked at the floor, attempting to hide his face. He just wanted to run and hide.

"Kendall, I'm sorry." Eric stood in front of Kendall, bending down to try and peer into his hidden face. "I didn't . . . did that upset you? I didn't realise it would." He paused. "You wanna tell me why that freaked you out?"

Kendall finally looked up, wiping his cheek with one hand. "Um . . . you wanna know?"

"Of course. You're my friend; I wanna make you feel better. I can't do that if I don't know what's wrong."

Kendall gave him a small smile, and was about to speak when he heard footsteps on the stairs and Sean appeared in the hallway. "Hey, Kendall. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Kendall straightened up, managing to pull himself together. "Sure." He walked over to Sean, leaving Eric standing in the doorway. "What is it?"

"Ok, so I was talking to Paul earlier—" Sean smiled at the look on Kendall's face. "One of his dancers has a cold and isn't gonna show tonight. It was that dark one, the one with the pierced lip? Bruce, is it?"

"Jason," Kendall corrected in a monotone, arms folded.

"Right, Jason. Anyway, Paul asked if I could get one of mine to fill in, since I owe him a favour and all."

"Yeah, well . . ."

"Hey, I know you don't like Paul. But, I already told him you'd go."

 _You wouldn't have given me a choice anyway, asshole._ "Fine. Anything else?"

"You were gonna work tonight, so—"

"Fine. I'll head out after the show."

Sean grinned. "Great. Go change." He paused, frowning a little. "Have you been crying?"

"What? No, I'm fine."

"Good." Sean smiled. "Go get ready."

Paul seemed happy to see him. "Kendall! Haven't seen you in at least a year! How're you doing, kid?"

"Better than I was with you," Kendall replied with a sarcastic smile. "What'll I wear?"

"Uh, well, come with me and we'll take a look."

Paul rifled through the closet of the dressing room. "Ok, we'll give you . . . something dark; contrast looks better on stage . . . so, this . . . these, and that."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "I can't wait."

Paul chuckled. "Aw, don't be like that. You know you liked dancing for me."

"Yeah, that explains all the tears, attempted escapes, and that scar on your shoulder."

Paul chuckled, totally unfazed. "Well, you always were a little feisty."

"Alright, Paul. I'm changing now. So, go _away_."

* * *

James was by no means an uptight kind of person. However, he couldn't say he was always a massive partyer either. Like tonight; he didn't particularly enjoy the music assaulting his eardrums, or the alcohol offered to him, or the three lit up stages occupied by scantily clad dancers. As he sat down at a table, James gave the strip club a _very_ brief glance. There were five or six strippers, at least three of them guys. Men and women (but mostly men, and really _old_ ones too) stood in front of their stages, watching them in anticipation.

This was not always his kind of scene.

"Cheer up, man," his friend Benny said, sitting with him. It had been Benny's idea to come here after work; James had begrudgingly agreed to it. He didn't want to watch these whores; he was already dating one. And one was definitely enough, given the situation they were in. "Just watch the dancers; it'll take your mind off whatever's bugging you." He was smiling as he observed the strippers. "Man, those guys can move. They're way hotter than the girls, I think. Well, there are exceptions, of course . . ."

"Dude, you're straight," James protested.

"Like that matters!" Benny scoffed. "Like, check those two out over there." He pointed to a man and woman sitting at another table. "Identical wedding rings. But they're here to see the strippers, just like us." Benny looked around, licking his lips thoughtfully. "So, which one's your favourite? For me, I think it's a tie between that Asian girl in the blue or that blonde over there with the stockings."

James followed his gaze towards the girl in the little blue corset. "Mmm. She's cute, I guess." Then he looked for the blonde in the stockings. "I don't see her."

" _Him_ , you dolt. I'm thinking of changing my sexual preferences."

James looked around again. He wasn't sure if his heart sped up or just stopped. This blonde was tall and slim, wearing a tiny pair of black shorts, thigh high netted stockings and black laced boots. His pale skin seemed to glow slightly under the lights, his hair resembling a golden halo as his blonde bangs were tossed back and forth as he danced. Then James noticed he had a little spiked black collar on as well, with a leather lead that swung back and forth. One of the men watching him grabbed hold of it and pulled him onto his knees, stuffing a bill into the waist of his shorts.

James gulped, wishing like crazy he wasn't getting a boner from just _watching_ this. "Dude, I think I'm dating him."

"Yeah, you wish!"

"No, really, I'm pretty sure that's the guy I'm dating." James pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, showing Benny a photo taken from that day on the beach. Benny was normally on night shift; it was safe to show him and not worry about him recognising anyone. "See?"

Benny glanced at the phone, then at the dancer, then back at the phone. "Whoa, it is! Jesus, you know how to pick 'em. Why can't I date a stripper too?"

James stared, frowning. Yep. That dancer currently swaying his hips and playing with the collar of that guy's shirt was definitely Kendall. Huh. Weird; he'd never mentioned that he also worked as a stripper. Still, it wasn't something you should tell people.

There were customers whistling and stuffing paper bills under the waist of Kendall's shorts or the hem of his stockings, and as he started shaking his ass a little they started cheering. He got back onto his feet, twisting the lead around in his fingers, biting his lip in this ridiculously _seductive_ way. James fumbled with his jeans almost angrily. Benny was laughing at him. "Dude, I don't know if I'm jealous or if I feel sorry for you."

James growled at him, folding his arms crossly. It was only then that Kendall's dancing seemed to stop. Disappointed sounds came from the spectators and a few more bills flew at him. He caught some and picked others off the floor of the stage, spectators' hands shooting up to trail over his legs as he did. James looked away, sighing. Then Benny said, "Dude, he's looking at us!"

James's head snapped to gaze at Kendall again. He couldn't work out the blonde's expression. What was that in his eyes? Fear? Shock? Embarrassment? Anger? For goodness' sake, it looked like a combination of _all_ of them. Then Kendall turned and left the stage, disappearing behind the curtains that lead backstage. Benny was chuckling. "I don't think he expected to see you here."

"Should I go talk to him?"

"About what?"

"I dunno. Just . . . talk."

"If you want. I'm gonna go over to her." Benny indicated the Asian still dancing on another small stage. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck. Wish me luck too."

"I don't think you need it."

* * *

"Great job out there," Paul said with a grin.

Kendall just rolled his eyes, taking all the money in his hands, counting it slowly. He was caught by surprise when Paul grabbed his lead and yanked him forward, making him stumble. "I'll take that, blondie."

"Yeah, you can count out my share." Kendall folded his arms, trying to maintain some dignity despite the fact Paul was holding by the lead, like a little puppy dog.

"What share?" Paul glared at him.

"I'm the one who danced, aren't I?"

"You're only a substitute—"

"I don't give a crap! And don't start banging on about paid sick leave 'cause you know you're not that fucking charitable! Now hand it over!"

Paul gave a small smile, handing him five or six bills. "Glad to see you've got a little more willpower now. Nobody likes a pushover."

"Actually they do. It's the domineering asshole they don't like." Kendall snatched the lead out of Paul's hands and stormed off to get changed.

"Keep the costume!" Paul called after him. "You look good in it."

James was wandering through the hallway, feeling like a total idiot when he ran into a random girl and asked, "I'm looking for a guy who danced here tonight. Is there like a changing room, or something?"

"Down there." James walked over quickly, toward the door. As he got closer, a guy opened the door and walked out, leaving it open. James stood in the doorway, spotting Kendall sitting in front of a dressing table, texting on his phone, feet up on the table. James watched his legs stretch out and had to clear his throat to get the blonde's attention. He couldn't seem to talk properly.

Kendall looked up, spotting him. "Hi." He gave a half smile. "Are you gonna come in or what?"

James did, standing there with his hands in his pockets. The silence was quite awkward, and seemed to calm his desires a lot. "I'm impressed," James said at last. "All the times I've seen you, even now, as a stripper, no makeup. Or high heels." He indicated Kendall's boots. "Though these seem a little . . . um . . ."

"James, if you've got something to say, just say it." Kendall tugged one of the boots off, tossing it onto the floor.

James was momentarily stricken. "What . . .?"

Kendall sighed, tugging the other boot off and looking up at James. "I didn't want to come here tonight. Sean told me to. I'm just filling in." He shook his head at James, almost in bemusement. "I hate the way they all look at me. And I know what you're thinking." He smiled. "Even if you haven't realised it yourself yet."

"Oh. Well, um, sorry about what I . . . er, think." James gave a nervous smile. "Can I make it up to you? You're finished now, right?"

"I was supposed to go work." Kendall smiled. "Meet me outside in ten minutes. Back door's that way."

James grinned, almost skipping down the hallway, through the door and into the alley outside. He leaned against the wall, tapping his foot impatiently. He waited for what had to be the longest ten minutes ever, then the door opened and Kendall came out, dressed in another typical work outfit; tight black jeans and a tight graphic t-shirt. He was pulling his jacket on over it as he walked over to James. "Hey."

"Hi." James paused. "Ok, the thing is, I didn't expect to see you here tonight, so I've got like nothing planned. Wanna just wing it?"

"Ok, that sounds fun." Kendall reached out and took James's hand, smiling almost shyly. James grinned at him and they walked out of the alley.

James thought for a while as they walked. What could he do that was romantic, that didn't require a lot of planning? He thought for a moment. Then another moment.

"Look, you can actually see stars tonight," Kendall said, pointing at the sky and smiling. "Even with the street lights and all."

Then James had it. "There's something I wanna show you," he said, leading Kendall down the street. He had a pretty good idea of where he was going. They walked for about ten minutes, then James stopped in front of a large hotel. "I've been in here a lot with work," James said, leading Kendall through the door.

Kendall chuckled. "That's not something you wanna here from someone who examines crime scenes."

"It was just the old manager; dodgy guy. The new one is a friend of my dad's."

"Hey, James," the bald man behind the front desk greeted. "Haven't talked to your parents in a while. How are they?"

"They're great." James leaned over the desk. "Can I have the keys for upstairs?"

"Sure." He reached under the desk and handed them over. "Just remember to drop them back when you're done."

James took them. "Thanks, David."

James led Kendall over to the elevator, pushing the top floor button. "Jamie, where are we going?"

"You'll see." The elevator stopped, and they walked down the hallway of hotel rooms, until they reached the door at the end. "This isn't for guests, normally. This place is so fancy they treat the staff pretty well. They come here on breaks and stuff."

They walked up another staircase, into a small hallway with a couple more rooms, then out another door. They were on the roof. It was like a small garden, with a little grass, paved paths, with a few benches and a long table. A wall surrounded the edges of the roof. Kendall was looking around in awe. "So, this is for the _staff?_ "

"Yeah, some of them live in the rooms there," James replied, pointing back where they'd come from. "You mentioned the stars and I thought . . . this could be good."

"It is. It's great." Kendall sat down on one of the benches, looking up with an absent-minded smile on his face. James sat next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder. Kendall leaned against him, resting his head in the crook of James's neck. They just sat there for a while, James suddenly finding the sounds of the traffic and the shouts below resembled birdsong.

James, having once again been struck by inspiration, got up. "I'll be back in a second."

He went inside, reaching for the supply closet. It was full of a variety of objects, not just cleaning supplies. I know it's here somewhere . . . aha! James picked up the little portable radio and walked back out. Kendall turned around, smiling in greeting. "What've you got there?"

"Music. Figured it'd add to the atmosphere." James fumbled with the knobs and buttons, turning it on and tuning it until he found a satisfactory music station. Then he left it on the ground and sat back down. Kendall snuggled into him, letting out a happy sigh.

They didn't really need to say anything; they both just looked up at the glittering night sky. James could see why Kendall loved seeing stars so much; they were such a rare sight in a city like this. Somehow they just madder the land of steel, concrete and glass look more natural. James didn't mind the extreme cheesiness of the whole thing. He loved feeling like he lived in some mushy romance novel. Though most love stories didn't involve a stabbing incident or a prostitute dating a pimp and a cop at the same time . . .

" _Goin' back to the corner where I first saw you, gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move . . ."_

James's head snapped up. This new song playing was relatively slow. It'd do.

"C'mon," James pulled Kendall to his feet.

"What?"

"We're gonna dance now, that's what," James replied with a smirk, winding his arms around Kendall's waist and spinning him around. Kendall tripped slightly, giggling when James just held him tighter. He put his hands on the back of James's head, leaning into his shoulder.

"This is good."

"Yep. I can be very romantic, can't I?" James kissed Kendall's head, taking a deep breath when he realised his hair smelled like cinnamon. _I love cinnamon._ "This should totally be our song."

"Funny how our song is a song about breakup," Kendall murmured into James's shoulder, hiding a smile.

"Actually, I think it's a song about winning your lover back," James replied breezily, grinning when Kendall laughed. "Y'know, never giving up on them."

"Hmm. Well, that's definitely a nicer thought." Kendall tilted his head up and gave James a light kiss on the cheek as they swayed back and forth. "I really like it up here. You're great at winging it."

It was just as he said it that they heard a soft whooshing sound and the sky seemed to explode in bright colours, sparks flying through the air, bright like diamonds. Kendall gasped, looking up with wide eyes. "Oh . . ."

Another burst of bright blue stars, followed by a couple of rockets, wailing as they soared upwards from somewhere across the street. Kendall hurried over to the wall, looking over at the hotel on the other side. James followed him over. "I guess the hotel over there is putting on a firework show. I wonder why?"

"Does it matter?" Kendall asked, gazing up at them with bright eyes. "They're amazing."

On the street below, pedestrians were pointing up at the display, some cheering, some laughing. Brightly coloured stars burst and twinkled above them over and over. Bursts of silver and gold shone strange lights on Kendall's face as he watched them. You'd think he'd never seen fireworks before, James thought amusedly, sliding his arms around Kendall's waist and gently kissing the back of his neck, before resting his head on his shoulder. Kendall turned his head slightly to look at him, smiling. "Hi."

"Hi."

Kendall smirked at him. "You know, this reminds me of something."

"What does?"

"The way you're holding me." Kendall kissed James on the nose. "Check it out." Then Kendall lifted his arms up, stretching them out like wings. "Look, Jack, I'm flying," he teased, making James chuckle.

"Only you would think of that, babe." James brushed his lips against Kendall's neck, leaving little kisses here and there. Kendall turned around to face him, sitting on the wall. He let out a sigh at the kisses James was still giving him, standing between the blonde's legs, bending his head down. Kendall wound an arm around James's neck, pulling in for a kiss. The kisses turned white hot and shivery, both of them finding themselves breathless as the kiss became more heated. Surely tonight was perfect? They had fireworks, slow dancing, stars . . . there wouldn't be a better time than this.

James opened his eyes as they pulled back from the kiss, staring into Kendall's bright eyes. _I want you._

Then James could see it in Kendall's eyes. He wanted it just as much as James did. Kendall nodded slowly, answering the silent question before kissing James again, hopping off the wall. James's hands clasped his waist, leaving little kisses all over his face. Then he turned, taking Kendall by the hand and leading him towards the door, grabbing the radio and switching it off on the way. Dumping the radio back in the closet, hurrying down the stairs and moving along the hallway to the elevator took a lot longer than he wanted.

James practically punched the lobby button with one hand and pushed Kendall into the wall with the other. He pressed up against him, kissing the skin on his neck again, Kendall tilting his head to give him more access. He felt Kendall's uneven breaths against his neck and little butterfly kisses against his cheek as they got closer to the ground floor.

Then the elevator opened and James practically sprinted to the front desk, almost jumping over it. For a second David looked terrified as James through the roof keys at him.

"Can you give us a room, for two, uh, p-people, yeah, y'know, couple's room . . ." Kendall wasn't even standing that near him, but James's head was so full of the blonde and what they were about to do that he was babbling.

David just chuckled, turning around and selecting a room key. "Pay in the morning, Diamond. And try not to make too much of a mess. We let a maid go last week." David was looking past him at Kendall, eyes wandering up and down.

"Thanks Dave." He turned to Kendall, who was already walking towards the elevator. As he got closer, James glanced around again at David, laughing to himself when the older guy gave him a thumbs up, eyes still flickering between him and Kendall.

He got into the elevator and pushed the fifth floor button. He saw Kendall moving towards him slowly, eyes slightly hooded. James eagerly closed the gap between them, turning them around and shoving him against the wall. Kendall gasped, hands tangling in James's hair as he bucked his hips forward. James moaned into Kendall's mouth as the blonde brushed off his growing erection. James felt the elevator stop moving and pulled back in time to see the doors open.

He hurried out of the lift, pulling Kendall by the arm. "What number?" Kendall asked, hair already tousled, eyes darkened with lust.

James glanced at the key. His brain was so full of one thing and one thing only it made him dizzy. "Uh . . . room 523."

"Race you there," Kendall said with a wink, half skipping half running down the hallway. James ran after him, thanking the time he always devoted to exercise as he sprinted towards the room door where Kendall was always standing. "I win," the blonde grinned, sticking his tongue out. James imagined that tongue in certain places and bit his lip in a futile effort to hide his groan. He shoved the key in the lock, twisting it and opening the door. Kendall pushed him through, shutting the door after him and leaning back against it. James immediately grinded against him, desperate for any kind of friction.

Kendall shook his jacket off and bent down to remove his shoes and socks. James did the same, throwing them aside before stumbling backwards with Kendall in his arms.

James slumped down onto the bed, head hitting the pillows as Kendall fell on top of him. Kendall's lips crashed against his, both of them opening their mouths immediately. Their tongues collided as they kissed each other hungrily. James's hands wandered over Kendall's backside, feeling everything his hands could grasp as Kendall left little nibbles and bites along his jaw. James squeezed Kendall's ass as their lips met again, their moans swallowed up in each other's mouths.

James saw Kendall bend his leg at the knee, watching as his leg curled through the air slightly as they continued to make out. When this turned him on even more, James realised that every little thing Kendall did in moments like this was for seduction. The way he twisted his body around slightly as James flipped them over. The way he arched his back and purred in contentment like a little kitty cat when James started kissing his neck.

James yanked Kendall's tight t-shirt off, throwing it over his shoulder before moving to his own. Once he had that off, he bent down and rested his lips against Kendall's neck, their chests pressed together as he licked a trail down over Kendall's collarbone—even his tattoo—and down his chest, pinching Kendall's nipples with his fingertips. Kendall groaned, eyes wide as his hands gripped the sheets tightly. James licked and bit along Kendall's navel, resting a hand over the bulge in Kendall's jeans.

Kendall's hands were wandering all over James's chest as he pushed the shirt completely off his shoulders. Suddenly he flipped them both over, catching James by surprise. "You're not always in control, Jamie," Kendall whispered huskily in James's ear, nibbling on his lobe gently. James moaned loudly, bucking his hips up against Kendall's as the blonde rested his left hand over James's right nipple, pinching it and twisting it, while leaning down to lick on James's left nipple. James arched into the touch, his breath quickening into gasps as Kendall unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, yanking them down way past his knees. He leaned down, mouthing lightly as James's clothed dick, his tongue darting out and prodding at it.

Then he pulled James's boxers off, James quickly kicking them off the rest of the way. Kendall bent his head, sticking his tongue out and licking a long line over the underside of James's dick. James moaned, hands gripping Kendall's hair as the blonde started sucking on his tip slowly. "K-Kendall," James managed to stutter. "You've gotta— _nngh_ —stop."

"Why?" Kendall asked, looking puzzled. "You look like you're enjoying it."

"I've gotta get you ready first," James replied, smirking a little as Kendall's eyes lit up.

James quickly untied Kendall's jeans, yanking them down, Kendall pulling them off the rest of the way and leaving them to join the other clothes on the floor. James's eyes widened as the jeans came off. He didn't really know what he'd been expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. Kendall was smirking at the look on James's face, biting his lip. "What?" he asked innocently, hands caressing the skin of James's shoulders.

James's hands roamed over Kendall's practically bare ass, feeling the little lacy strings of his black thong between his fingers. "That's so hot," James breathed, truthfully spellbound. "Do you wear these all the time?" So what if he sounded eager?

Kendall giggled, leaning down to kiss James again. "Only when I work. The clients like it."

"They're not the only ones," James mumbled, fingers dipping in and out of the ridiculously small underwear.

"They make me feel like a whore," Kendall muttered back in a less than happy tone, kissing James's neck lightly.

"You are a whore," James replied as he tugged the thong down Kendall's legs, flinging it across the room. " _My_ whore." Then he flipped them again, Kendall's giggles turning into moans as their erections brushed together.

James grabbed Kendall by the hip and flipped him over onto his stomach. Kendall gasped as James leaned down, hands on the back of Kendall's thighs as he flattened his tongue against the blonde's entrance. His tongue darted in, breaching Kendall's inner walls as he swirled his tongue around and prodded at whatever skin he had access to, James pulled his tongue back out, nipping one of Kendall's cheeks as he lifted his left hand and brought it forward to Kendall's mouth.

He felt Kendall immediately started licking and sucking on his fingers, effectively covering them with saliva. James brought his hand back and straightened up a little before pressing the tip of his index finger against Kendall's hole. When he heard Kendall moan loudly, he pushed it in, his middle finger following it almost immediately. He soon found what he was looking for; that little bundle of nerves that had Kendall melting in his hands, shivering in anticipation. He added his ring, twisting them around and tapping Kendall's prostate over and over. When Kendall just kept groaning and pushing back, James deemed him ready.

He would've happily started fucking Kendall like that, shoving his cheeks apart and going all doggy style. Then James remembered what Kendall had said about sex, and how he didn't feel anything, because it wasn't intimate. Kendall might have been far from being a virgin, but it was their first time together and James wanted it to be special. This was why he flipped Kendall back onto his back. "I wanna look at you," he said softly when Kendall looked puzzled.

"Well, you're gonna have to wait a second," Kendall replied after pulling James in for another kiss. "I've gotta get you ready too." Then he started sliding down the bed until James's cock was above his head. He rested up on his elbows, taking James's whole cock in his mouth until it brushed off the back of his throat.

James groaned, struggling to stay upright. It'd be absolutely mortifying if his legs just gave way and he ended up sitting on Kendall's face. Then Kendall's hands moved up to take hold of his hips, holding him up. Kendall moaned around James's dick, the vibrations only increasing the level of pleasure for James as he felt Kendall swirl his tongue over the slit, licking every inch of his dick, lubricating his cock within less than a minute. While James was desperate for release, he only got so hard his dick was aching. "Kendall," he groaned, fisting the sheets with shaking hands. "Enough . . ."

Kendall laughed as he pulled off James's cock, scooting back up until he was looking James in the eyes again. "Wow, was I that bad?"

" _Oh God_ , the exact opposite," James gasped, moaning as his throbbing dick brushed off Kendall's again. "Thing is, I really wanna do you, like _now._ "

"Well then, go ahead." Kendall put his hand on the back of James's neck, pulling him down to murmur into his ear, "What are you waiting for?"

James moaned loudly in response, shoving Kendall's legs apart, lifting them to either side of his waist and slamming into Kendall's hole all the way with one thrust. Kendall screamed, fingernails digging into James's back. James barely waited for a second before rolling his hips forward slowly. He groaned, sweat already sliding down his forehead from the effort not to pound the blonde's brains out. Kendall was so tight, and he was so hot inside he felt like his dick was actually melting. James wasn't sure, but he'd expected someone whose job was having sex to be a lot looser. He was totally wrong. Seemed he'd been wrong about a lot of things lately.

James was still struggling to go slow, so when Kendall's pushed his hips forward against him, he didn't need to be told twice. He pulled out and thrust back in, slamming into Kendall's sweet spot and shoving the blonde's body backward with the force of it. He kept going again and again, hard and fast, hands gripping Kendall's hips hard enough to leave bruises. But Kendall didn't seem to mind, moaning and gasping as his heel dug into James's lower back. "Harder!" Kendall groaned, shrieking in pleasure when James did as he said.

James reached down and took hold of Kendall's erection, stroking it slowly as he kept thrusting in and out of him like a madman, pretty much assaulting his prostate. Then he felt Kendall's insides squeeze his dick almost painfully and felt himself topple over the edge, screaming Kendall's name as his seed filled the blonde up, his dick softening slowly. Kendall screamed back, his seed spurting over both their chests, eyes drifting shut. James stayed there for another second, before pulling out slowly. Kendall whimpered at the emptiness he seemed to feel, legs dropping back onto the bed.

James lay down next to him, staring at the ceiling, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down. When he turned his head he saw Kendall doing the same. "That was awesome," the blonde said softly, smiling at nothing in particular. Then he turned to grin at James, eyes twinkling. "Been waiting a while, had you? No holding back there."

James blushed. Kendall chuckled, rolling onto his side and resting his hand on James's cheek, kissing him gently. "No need to be embarrassed, babe. I think it's kind of hot."

 _How can **he** think **I'm** hot?_ But James smiled back. "Well, thanks." He sat up. "We should probably get cleaned up." He indicated the cum coating his chest. "I don't think I wanna sleep with this on me."

Kendall smiled as James got up, heading towards the bathroom. He turned around. "You're not coming?"

"I don't think I can get up," Kendall replied softly, a faint smirk on his lips. "I can't feel anything below my waist."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't be. It was worth it."

James smiled. "I'll be right back, then." He walked into the bathroom, pushing the shower curtain aside and picking up one of those complimentary washcloths. He ran it under some warm water and cleaned himself off, drying himself with a towel, before wetting the cloth again and walking back into the bedroom. Kendall sat up as he walked in, a slightly pained expression visible on his face for a second. James bit his lip as he sat down next to him. "I hurt you a lot, didn't I?"

"I'm alright." Kendall smiled sweetly. "It's not really a rare thing anyway. Don't worry about it." He took the washcloth from James, cleaning and drying himself off before tossing them onto the carpet too.

James held his arms out. "Come here." Kendall did, arms winding around James's neck. As he kissed him, James pushed Kendall's legs around his waist and got off the bed. "What are you doing?" Kendall asked, suddenly almost hanging on for dear life.

James just took hold of the edge of the sheets, throwing it back and sitting Kendall back down on the bed. James lay down next to him, pulling the sheets up. "There." He kissed Kendall on the cheek and chin, pulling the blonde into his arms.

"I love these legs," James murmured, running his fingers along Kendall's thigh.

"Really?" Kendall gave a small chuckle. "I've never liked them much; I always thought I had knobbly knees."

James shook his head in bemusement, kissing Kendall on the forehead. "They're perfect. _You're_ perfect."

Kendall blushed furiously, eyes widening. He shook his head too. "No, I'm—I'm not."

"Sure you are."

"Nope." Kendall's was smiling, but sounded totally serious. "I mean, all that crap with Sean, and being a—a hooker, that's not fair on you."

"So? It's weird, but I think all that just makes me like you more."

Kendall bit his lip, smiling and still blushing. "Thanks." He kissed James on the nose. "I really like you too."

James let out a long breath, ready to ask the question that had been bothering him. "Are you gonna go home? To Sean? I mean, if he—"

"Shh." Kendall snuggled closer into James's arms. "I'm not going anywhere."


	11. Even Angels Have Their Wicked Schemes

  
When James woke up, the first thing he felt was the sensation of a warm, naked body in his arms. He himself felt so warm and comfortable that if he was a cat, he'd be purring loudly. It took him a few moments to wake up properly and realise who he was holding. Kendall. He'd met Kendall at a strip club and they'd ended up spending the night together. There'd been fireworks, and music . . . Jesus, it really did make him think of cheesy romance novels. Not that he was complaining.

At some point during the night after Kendall had fallen asleep, James had got up to shut the curtains. Now the room was cast in a warm shade, light cut off from the room but still warmly bright. They were spooning, Kendall's back nestled into James's chest, James's leg thrown over his. All James could see was masses of smooth pale skin as he watched Kendall breathing softly.

Then Kendall stirred slightly, and James felt the hand he had draped over Kendall's waist intertwine with the blonde's. He smiled to himself, kissing Kendall's cheek and temple. "Morning," he whispered, snuggling closer to him, if that was possible.

Kendall shifted, head turning to look at James as his eyes fluttered open. "Morning," he replied softly, smiling sleepily. He kissed James on the lips slowly and softly.

"Tired?" James asked, stroking the supple skin of Kendall's hip.

Kendall rolled over to face him, sighing. "A little." He looped an arm around James's shoulder, kissing his Adam's apple. "You really wore me out."

James took note of the teasing tone, chuckling. "Well, I have to say, making love to you was a great enjoyment of mine."

Kendall's eyes seemed slightly wider, his hand moving from James's shoulder to his cheek, cupping it and kissing him. James could feel all the passion in the kiss, and when Kendall pulled back, his cheeks were pink and his eyes were full of emotion. "What was that for?" James asked.

Kendall was still blushing, biting his lip. "I . . . you called it making love. Nobody's ever done that before."

"Never?"

"Nope. Just fucking."

"Oh." James grinned, feeling like he'd finally accomplished something. "Well, then, it was my pleasure. Literally, but we won't get into that." He pressed a kiss to Kendall's forehead as he got up onto his knees. "Imma go to the bathroom; don't go anywhere."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

James got up, picking his boxers up off the floor and putting them on. He stood up and went to open the curtains. As light flooded into the room, Kendall moaned and turned to bury his face in the pillow. James chuckled. "Sorry, baby. You're not a morning person?"

"Well, I am, in a way." Kendall sat up, the sheets still covering his lower body. "That was just very bright. Kind of painful." He moved to get out of the bed, his back to James. "I should probably put something on too."

"Well, you don't _have_ to . . ."

"But I'm _going_ to," Kendall said with a wink. "Good try though."

James turned to walk into the bathroom. "Good luck finding that underwear of yours," he added over his shoulder. "You'd need a microscope to see it."

"Oh, you're so funny, Jamie," Kendall replied, rolling his eyes. "Now go pee before I cut your dick off."

When James came back, Kendall was sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard. He was wearing those tiny shorts from the night before and was humming as he buttoned up his shirt. James walked over and knelt down next to him. "Isn't that my shirt?" James asked, smirking as he fiddled with the hem of the pale blue shirt, sliding his hands underneath it.

"Uh huh. I know mine's around here somewhere, but . . ." Kendall just shrugged. The sleeves were slightly long on him but he didn't seem to care. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Nah." James smiled, draping an arm around Kendall's waist and lying down, pulling the blonde on top of him. "You should wear my shirts more often. I like it."

"Mmm, well, it is really comfortable." Kendall ran a hand through James's hair, pushing it off his forehead. "Hmm, you look sexy with your hair pushed back."

James grinned, hands running up and down Kendall's clothed back. "Thanks. I like you in those stockings of yours."

"Oh, you do?" Kendall grinned, sitting up and picking his bag up off the floor, sticking a hand inside it. James sat up too, kneeling behind Kendall with his hands on his hips, kissing the side of his neck. Kendall was smiling to himself as he pulled out one of the stockings, tossing it on the bed and reaching in for the other one. "Ok, it's in here somewhere . . ."

James could hear a lot of clattering inside the bag and couldn't help feeling a little intrigued. "What do you keep in there?"

"Various items," Kendall replied vaguely, pulling out a pack of aspirins and setting it on the bed. "It's probably at the very bottom . . ."

Then Kendall tipped the bag upside down and poured the contents out onto the bed. "Aha!" He picked up the other stocking, smiling triumphantly, before beginning to repack his bag.

James helped him, though more than once his curiosity got the better of him. "So, this is one of those beanies you mentioned before?" James picked up the grey beanie and dumped it on Kendall's head. Kendall batted his hands away, before fixing the hat until it rested on the back of his head and his bangs hung down from underneath it.

James picked up a little black notebook from the pile of possessions. "What's this? A journal, or a bank book or something?"

"Wow, you are _so_ nosy," Kendall teased. "And you say people didn't see you as a cop." He finished packing everything up, except for the notebook which James still held in his hand. "It's a book of songs, actually," Kendall added, dumping the bag back on the floor.

"Can I look?"

"If you want."

James opened up the book, flicking through the pages of Kendall's small, messy writing. He read a line or two of some, a few verses in others. It all sounded a little melancholy, but sort of bright as well. It was strange, but he liked it. He opened a page in the middle of the book and a folded sheet of paper fell onto the bed. James gave the song a glance. _Memories and Melodies._ There were chords and notes scribbled all over the margins of the page. When James hesitantly picked up the other sheet and unfolded it, he saw the exact same lyrics again, but the writing was different. It was bigger, the letters were rounder. James looked up at Kendall. "This song. Did you write it?"

He had no idea why he was so curious. He glanced at the lyrics— _Everything will be just fine, this time_ —and wondered.

"Yes and no," Kendall replied softly.

When James just gave him a puzzled look, he sighed and went on. "When—when my dad died, there was this thing, in his will about how he'd left an envelope in a box under his bed, and that it was for me. That was inside it." Kendall pointed to the sheet James was holding. "It didn't have any chords or even a melody, so I just sort of made it up the way I thought he might've done it." Kendall shrugged feebly. "It was kind of like a letter, I guess. He was the one who taught me music and wrote songs with me."

James stared at the sheet of paper. He thought of a little twelve-year-old Kendall finding a song his dead dad had written for him and had to squeeze his eyes shut to ensure no tears fell. It was so sweet, and so sad. He looked at Kendall, who gave him a small smile. James didn't really know what to say to him. The silence stretched out uncomfortably.

James needed to figure out a way to lighten the mood. He picked his phone up and quickly dialled his boss's number. "Hey, Gustavo," he said, putting on a weak voice. "It's James."

" _Hello, dog! I was about to ring and ask WHY YOU AREN'T AT WORK!"_

Kendall had obviously heard the yelling on the other end, because his eyes were wide and he looked confused.

"Sorry, I just woke up. I've got this really bad stomach bug, see. Sorry. I'm gonna take it easy, and hopefully I'll be back tomorrow."

" _Whatever, dog."_ James could swear he heard Gustavo's voice soften. _"Get better soon."_

"Will do. Thanks, bye." James hung up, tossing the phone away.

"What was that?" Kendall asked, eyebrows raised as he stretched his newly stocking-clothed legs out, crossing them and resting them on James's lap.

"Me taking a paid sick day," James replied with a grin. "I've got better places to be."

Kendall was blushing, but he smiled sweetly. "You're so thoughtful," he said, scooting a little closer to James, lifting his leg at the same time and hooking it around James's shoulder, reeling him in. "I should totally reward you for that thoughtfulness."

Trying to pretend he wasn't totally turned on by this, James smiled back and said, "Oh yeah? What've you got in mind?"

Kendall lowered his leg to around James's waist, leaning in and kissing him lightly. James kissed him back eagerly, tongue slipping in through a little gap between Kendall's lips. Kendall's tongue darted around his, his mouth opening a little wider as he ran the palm of his hand along James's bare back. James could hear Kendall's other hand fumbling over the little nightstand next to him. Kendall pulled back slightly, opening his eyes and holding up a brochure. "Well, why don't I buy you breakfast?" Kendall offered with a wink.

James chuckled. This wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind and Kendall knew that. Still, he was really hungry . . . "Alright, blondie," James said, kissing Kendall's chin. "I buy the room, you buy food."

Kendall giggled, giving James an Eskimo kiss before opening the brochure. "Wow, this place has five stars. You're so classy, Jamie."

James smirked. "I try." He took a look at the menu. "Oh my God, they have banana pancakes!"

Kendall grinned at James's enthusiasm. "You're so cute. So . . . that's banana pancakes for you, and blueberries for me."

When James nodded eagerly, Kendall untangled himself from him and got up. "Make the call, babe? I'll be right back."

"Sure." James picked the phone up, glancing at the room service number. "Do you want coffee, Kendall?" he called to the closed bathroom door.

"Sure!"

James made the call, eyes remaining on the bathroom door the whole time. When the door opened again, he couldn't help smiling when he saw Kendall leaning against the doorframe, arms folded, smirking. He walked over to James ever so slowly, hips naturally swaying with each step. He knelt down in front of him, kissing James on the ear and cheek. James felt soft lips and warm breath on his cheek and noticed his voice went slightly higher as he said into the phone, "Yeah, 523. Thanks." He hung up, shivering slightly as Kendall pulled back, giggling. "You're such a slut," James murmured, smiling at nothing as he put the phone back on the hook.

"Maybe," Kendall said with a shrug. "But I'm _your_ slut."

"True. And I'm definitely not complaining."

"I kind of am," Kendall said, giggling. "I still hurt from last night."

"Oh." James felt his face turn red. "Sorry."

"Stop being so embarrassed," Kendall said with a laugh, nuzzling James's neck lightly. He picked up the song book, opening it and reading through the first page. "I haven't even opened this in ages."

James smiled fondly at him. "Well, you should start writing again. You're good at it."

"Do you ever write songs?"

"I've written a few. They're all in a folder at home with this little plastic lock on it. Faye can be really nosy."

"Well, at least you're alike in some ways."

James rolled his eyes, then sighed. "I'm sorry, about the way her and Summer acted."

"It's no big deal," Kendall replied. "They're probably just . . ."

"Rude?"

"No! Just . . . I don't know. Cautious?"

"Ok, that'll do." James heard a knock on the door and got up off the bed. "Is that the food already?"

"Only one way to find out."

James grabbed his white wife beater he'd been wearing under his shirt and put it on as he walked towards the door. "I forgot I even wore this yesterday."

"Well, you got naked so quickly, I'm not really surprised . . ."

James was blushing again as he turned around to see Kendall stretched across the bed, lying on his stomach flicking through the little notebook, feet in the air, ankles crossed. He smiled to himself; what with those tiny shorts, the shirt, the stockings and the beanie, the image was both hot and adorable at the same time. He turned back and opened the room door. A waiter with dark hair and a large nose was there with a cart. "Room service," he said with a grin and a wave.

"Hey," James greeted with a smile, stepping aside to let him walk in. James knew the guy as Andy; he'd spoken to him maybe twice. He was a nice enough guy. Friendly.

Andy looked past him over at where Kendall was sitting. The blonde gave him a friendly smile, and Andy grinned back, wheeling the cart in, picking covered plates up and setting everything up on the table. "Hi," he said to Kendall, cheeks red. "I'm Andy."

"I'm Kendall," Kendall replied, dimpling.

"So, how've you been, James?" Andy was asking in a bright voice. James just shrugged and said "Good," but couldn't help feeling a little bewildered. Andy didn't know him that well, yet he was acting like they were best friends. Then James realised it was to do with the brief glance the other guy gave the bed every five seconds.

"I saw your dad at my last gig," Andy was saying, all smiles.

". . . Gig?" James was confused.

"Yeah. You know, my band." Andy glanced at Kendall as he said it. "We've got talent scouts coming to the next show."

"So, you're in a band?" Kendall asked, looking intrigued. "What do you play?"

"Guitar, and I sing too," Andy said in a less than modest voice. "Though it's kind of hard to fit it into my tight schedule, what with football and everything."

"Football, huh?" James said sceptically. So, not only was he in a band, he played football too? Where had all this even come from?

"Yeah, I play quarterback."

James couldn't help rolling his eyes. When he looked at Kendall, he saw the blonde eyeing him with both puzzlement and amusement. Kendall moved his hand slightly and the little book slipped onto the floor, Kendall sighing and reaching down to get it. As he stretched forward, the shirt rode up and James could _totally_ see the top of his thong. He bit his lip, trying to keep his breathing level normal. He then noticed Andy had seen too, because he'd stiffened slightly and was now saying in a slightly rushed voice, "We've won every game of the season so far. Maybe you could come see one, though? It's a lot of fun."

Kendall had straightened up again by now, shirt back in place. "Maybe. I'm not really a big football person, though." The way he shrugged, and said it so _idly_ —Jesus, he had no idea.

"Oh, well, that's too bad." Andy smiled at him sweetly. "I bet you could get to like it. Y'know, you're—"

"Ok!" James said loudly. "Thing is, Andy, we've gotta get going soon, so we're gonna eat now." James grabbed a fifty off the bed and threw it at Andy, fuming. "Here's your tip! Bye bye, now!"

Even then Andy took his time leaving, eyes staying on Kendall as he started wheeling his cart towards the door. James held the door open for him, all smiles, and then slammed it shut with an aggravated grunt. He could swear he felt steam coming out of his ears.

He turned around to see Kendall still lying in the same place, reading through the little notebook. He must've felt eyes on him, so he looked up at where James was standing. "What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?" James asked, walking back over to him.

"Why were you so rude to him?" Kendall asked, getting up on his knees. "Kicking him out and all."

"You mean you don't know?"

"Don't know what?"

"He was totally making moves on you!" James said furiously, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

"What? No he wasn't!" Kendall argued, swinging his long legs out from under him and getting up off the bed. "He was just being friendly!"

James actually laughed. "Kendall, are you being deliberately irritating? Why do you think he was going on about his band and football and all that crap?"

"I dunno, making conversation?"

James really couldn't understand how Kendall looked so puzzled and _innocent_. "He was trying to impress you! Plus, he kept staring at your ass."

"Oh." Kendall looked slightly deflated, for whatever reason. "But how could you tell that he wasn't just making small talk? _I_ thought he was. Or am I just clueless?"

James sat on one of the armchairs at the small table, shrugging. "Well, I think it's mostly the look he gave you. The look I see _a lot_ of guys give you." Not that he was jealous, or bitter. Nope. Dating a hot prostitute had its pros and cons, and that was that. Nothing to be _jealous_ or _bitter_ about!

"What kind of look?" Kendall persisted, sitting down too and picking up one of the plates.

"Well, they look at you, like . . . like you're a tasty piece of meat, or some sort of drug, or . . . I dunno, some kind of curvy candy bar!"

Kendall burst out laughing, dimple showing in his cheek. "Wow, all that in just one look?" His eyes narrowed mischievously. "You know, you're adorable when you're jealous."

James sighed. "Thanks." There was no point in denying it; he was furiously jealous. Why did Kendall have to be so god damn attractive? "I don't even think it's just how you look," James was saying. "You're nice to them a lot of the time. And it's like, I dunno, you seem so sure of yourself, and they dig that. It's like . . . sexual confidence?"

"Is that even a real thing?" Kendall was giggling, finger playing with a lock of blonde hair.

"Well, it is now."

"Hmm." Kendall lifted the cover off the plate he was holding. "This is yours," he said, handing it over. "So, does it really bother you? I mean, it's only one or two guys. I see girls looking at you a lot."

"Really?" James was distracted from his pancakes, something he was pretty sure had never happened before in his life.

"Uh huh." Kendall was stirring cream into his coffee as he balanced his plate on his lap. "A lot of them. It's kind of annoying, really."

"Oh." James shook his head in bewilderment. "But it's like that with you too. Like, you just walk past them and they start staring, then they start drooling, and then they start fantasising . . ."

"Ok, I get it . . ."

"You've just got this habit of making every guy question their sexuality. Like my friend Benny, from the strip club, he was looking at you and was all like 'Imma change my sexual orientation'—"

"James! I get it!"

James stopped ranting to look at Kendall. "Huh?"

Kendall sighed. "I get what you're saying. I'm sorry, but I don't do it on purpose, so I don't really see how I can do anything about it. And I get jealous too, so you're not alone there."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising! And, just so we're clear, when you're dating someone it's not a good idea to let them know you're jealous of total strangers . . ."

"Oh yeah . . ."

"But I can make an exception, I think. You're too cute to be mad at. You're just lucky I've got a uniquely tolerant personality."

"Yep, you're unique in lots of ways."

"Now you're acting like Andy!"

"What? But you didn't even catch on to his lame act!"

"Well, you're making it really obvious . . ."

"Oh, shut up."

"Make me."

"I will . . . once I finish my pancakes."

Kendall laughed, taking a bite of his own breakfast. "Go ahead, then. I'll be waiting."

James finished his food off in record time, drinking his coffee as he watched Kendall across the table. Kendall was eating his breakfast slowly, taking tiny bites. After about twenty minutes, James realised Kendall was deliberately pulling out every second he could just to torture him.

Kendall was sitting sideways in his armchair as he finished off his drink, legs draped over the arm of the chair. _He's totally doing that just to turn me on . . . Jesus, those stockings, why are they so hot? Ugh, he's licking his lips now . . . nope! He's sucking the teaspoon . . ._ "I can't take this anymore."

James didn't understand why Kendall was laughing until he said, "Jamie, you do realise you said that out loud, right?"

James facepalmed. "Oh, I don't care! It's your fault. Do you _enjoy_ being such a tease all the time? Seriously?"

"Yeah, I do, actually. It _entertains_ me." Kendall put the coffee cup back on the table, stretching. The shirt rode up again and James had to look away.

James leaped to his feet, walking over to where Kendall was sitting. He bent down in front of the chair, leaning in closer to Kendall. "You know, all that teasing is gonna get you in a lot of trouble some day."

"Oh, it already has. Several times."

James ran his hand down one side of Kendall's body, in the little dip of his waist and out over the curve of his hip. James had meant what he said before; Kendall was definitely a little curvier than most guys. It was hot. "Not surprised. Guys don't like all the torture."

"I know that. You'd be surprised how well I can use it to my advantage, though."

James slid a hand around Kendall's waist, and the other under the back of his knees and picked him up off the armchair. "Hmm. Well, actually I think I can picture it. Flies. Honey."

Kendall giggled as James lay him down on the bed before climbing on top of him. "And how well does it work on you?"

James moved to press his body against Kendall's, that beanie scratching against his neck a little. Not that he minded. " _Way_ too well." He leaned down and kissed Kendall, feeling the blonde's mouth immediately open underneath his. Kendall's tongue flicked against his, his breath coming in hot gasps against James's mouth. James was totally ready to take him again. He wound an arm around Kendall's waist and flipped them both over as they continued to kiss each other fervently. He quite liked the idea of Kendall riding him; the thought clouded his senses almost immediately as he felt Kendall's hand under his wife beater, fingernails scraping against his stomach gently. God, he couldn't wait for hot morning sex, that turned him on _so_ much—

Then Kendall's phone rang. He sighed against James's lips and managed to reach down to where his bag was and pick it up. James didn't stop kissing him until he brought the phone right up to his mouth. He answered it, eyes still locked with James's. "Hello?"

Suddenly his eyes widened and he leaped off James like he'd been burned. "Hi, _Sean,"_ he said, frightened eyes still stuck on James, who immediately got the message and sat still and silent. "Yeah, I'm fine . . . No, he gave me nothing, the asshole. I got a little from work though babe . . . Yeah, sorry, one of the guys bought a room, he left but I just ended up asleep, you know what I'm like . . . yeah, I know. Ok, bye." He hung up and dropped the phone as if it was going to explode.

"What did he say?" James asked, moving towards Kendall, who backed away, looking absolutely petrified.

"He wants me to come home. Now."

"Well, tell him no."

"I can't!"

"You mean you won't." James's eyes narrowed. "I don't know why you keep going back to him. He doesn't care about you; you're just a money-maker to him."

"That's not true!" Kendall protested, tears filling his eyes. "You don't know him!"

"I don't need to! I've seen what he does—"

"You're just jealous of him!" Kendall cried, before clapping a hand to his mouth, tears spilling down his cheeks. "Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry . . ."

James couldn't help sighing. "It's fine." He walked towards Kendall, wrapping an arm around him. Kendall's face was buried in his shoulder, his body trembling.

"You're not busy later, right? We can go out."

"And do what?"

"Whatever you want. Just let me go back to him now, James, please."

James didn't want Kendall to be upset anymore, so he nodded and said, "Ok. Though you probably shouldn't go home dressed like that."

Kendall pulled back. "Yeah, you're right." He reached for his jeans, pulling them on over his shorts, then started unbuttoning James's shirt. Once he had it off, he handed it to James and put on his own shirt. He pulled his shoes on, grabbed his jacket and picked up his bag, stuffing his phone inside it. He pulled out some cash and put it on the table. "That's for the breakfast. And don't bother paying for it yourself. I'll know if you do, and I'll be annoyed."

James chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Is that a threat or a promise?"

Kendall laughed, pulling James into a gentle kiss. "I'll text you if I can get out," he said when he pulled back. "I'll tell him I'm visiting my uncle Nick; that usually works."

"Oh yeah? How does Nick feel about being used as a constant alibi?"

James could swear he saw Kendall's eyes flicker away for a second. "Well, he doesn't need to know about it, does he?" He kissed James one more time. "Later, Jamie."

When he was gone, James lay down on the bed with a long sigh. Kendall was so _complicated_. Ugh . . .

Kendall drove home as fast as he could, praying that Sean wouldn't suspect anything. He found he couldn't breathe as he got out of the car and walked towards the door, taking his key out and unlocking it. As soon as he was inside, Sean was there. "Kendall."

"Hi." Kendall tried to make his expression blank.

"Where were you?"

 _He knows!_ Kendall's head screamed, but he kept his expression vacant. He wasn't going to give anything away if he could help it.

"I already told you. I slept in the hotel room. I was tired, give me a break."

Sean was just as good with the poker face as Kendall was. "Ok. I guess that's alright, then."

"Ok, good. Glad we've cleared that up." Kendall turned to leave the house again, when Sean grabbed hold of his arm to keep him there.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"I'm going over to Nick's place."

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am." Kendall shook his arm free. "I can go out if I want to. You don't own me, Sean."

Sean chuckled darkly, hand moving up towards Kendall's shoulder, fingers grazing over his collarbone, where the tattoo was. "But I _do_ own you, Kendall. You've got marks to prove it." He was gripping Kendall's shoulder hard enough to leave bruises. Suddenly Kendall was really frightened. Still, what was new? "Go out and see your uncle, Kendall. But just remember that you're mine."

Kendall stared at Sean for one more second, then turned and hurried out the door, shutting it behind him. He pulled out his phone and called James. "Hello? Yeah, I got out."

" _Great! So, you wanna meet up? That club from last night, maybe?"_

Kendall sniffled, wiping away a tear that had strayed down his cheek. Why did he have to cry over everything? He wasn't a teenage girl! "Yeah, ok. I'm on my way now."

" _Ok. Um, Kendall?"_

"Yeah?"

" _I just want you to know . . . I'm sorry about earlier. I don't mind, y'know, all these complications. Really, I don't."_

Kendall smiled at nothing. "Thanks, Jamie."

* * *

"I've got another housewarming gift," Logan called, walking through the apartment door.

"Another one?" Carlos sat up from his place reading a police report. "We've been living here for almost two months now."

"It's from my uncle in Dallas. He likes any excuse to buy people presents." Logan set the wrapped box on the table, before walking towards the door again. "I'm going out again, Carli, I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going?" Carlos asked, looking up from his report.

"Just meeting some old friends, no big deal. I'll be back in an hour or two." Then he left.

 _You just got here_ , Carlos wanted to yell after him. He sighed, shutting the report and resting his head on the table.

Carlos didn't know what had happened. He thought that he and Logan had been great together. They'd gone out plenty of times, and had fun nights at home two. But recently he'd started coming home for about half an hour, an hour tops, then he'd be gone again. It bothered Carlos so much; he could think of a million reasons for Logan to do this, and he didn't like any of them. There was of course, the chance that all his random excuses were genuine, but this was seriously unlikely.

This was the reason that Carlos sat at that table with a book for the three hours it took before Logan came back. "Hi," the brunette said with a smile as he walked into the apartment, shutting the door after him.

Carlos just got to his feet, expression grim. Logan's smile faltered. "What's wrong?"

"Are you cheating on me?"

"What?" Logan looked horrified. "No, of course not! Why would you even think that?"

"I don't know," Carlos replied with a frustrated sigh. "You're just always gone in the evenings, and I feel like you're just not interested anymore . . ."

"Oh. No, Carlos, I . . . I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell you because, I dunno, I was embarrassed . . ."

"What is it?"

"I'm trying to get a job."

"Oh." Carlos frowned, puzzled. "Why is that embarrassing?"

"Because I can't get one anywhere! I'm going to school during the day, so I need a job I can fit around that. But nobody will take me on! They look at what I used to do and totally reject me. It's horrible."

Carlos was still confused. "And why do you need a job so badly?"

Logan rubbed the back of his neck, looking awkward. "I just don't want you paying for everything. I feel bad about it."

"Ohh." Carlos shook his head in bemusement. "You don't need to worry about that. I love my job, and if I need to do extra hours, I will. I don't mind you not working, because you will be soon enough, and I'm ok to work extra hard until you do." He smiled. "It's your dream, and I'm gonna support you and lend a hand when I can."

Logan grinned, kissing Carlos lightly and winding an arm around his neck. "You're so sweet. I should've just told you."

"Yeah, you should've. It's ok, though."

Then Logan said it. "I love you."

Carlos caught his breath, staring Logan in the eyes. _Finally._ "I love you too."

* * *

When Kendall woke up in the morning, James wasn't in bed with him. However, he could hear the shower running in the bathroom, so he didn't worry. This was their third time meeting like this, and this hotel was a lot cheaper than the last. However, its location had been convenient at the time, so they'd just gone with it.

Kendall turned to see the bathroom door open, and James came out, wearing his boxers, combing his hair with one hand and trying his upper body with the other. "Morning, Kenny. Sleep well?"

"Uh huh. You?"

"Yeah." James picked up his jeans and started to pull them on. "Thing is, babe, I'm working on an important case at work so I'm gonna have to go in today."

Kendall waved him off, smiling. "Go work, Jamie. I'm fine; I won't stay here much longer anyway."

"Ok." James put his shirt on, before kissing Kendall gently and reaching down to get his shoes. "I'll call you."

"Ok. Bye, Jamie."

Kendall lay there for a few minutes after James had gone, then he suddenly heard a loud knock on the door. He sat up and got out of bed, reaching for his boxers and putting them on. He heard another knock, louder and harder this time. "Relax, I'm coming!" he called to the door, getting up and walking over. He opened it up, and stopped, eyes wide with horror.

_Oh no, this can't be happening to me . . ._

Sean stormed into the room, slamming the door shut and effectively blocking the way out. "Hi, Kendall," he said in a venomous voice.

Kendall was so scared he just started stuttering. "S-Sean, I—"

Sean slapped Kendall across the face, knocking him onto the floor. Kendall raised a hand to his stinging cheek, momentarily stunned. Sean was on top of him in an instant, punching him again in the same spot, before grabbing him by the arms in an iron grip and shaking him violently. Kendall felt his head hit the floor multiple times, and was too dizzy to even scream for help. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to . . .

"Sean!" he sobbed, quietly because he was afraid to make too much noise. "Stop it . . ."

"Why the hell should I?" Sean hissed, getting off Kendall, but keeping him pinned there. "You're a dirty little cheat!"

"I'm sorry, Sean, I'm sorry . . ."

"Sorry isn't good enough, you little bitch!"

"You're the only guy I want, Sean, you know that!" Kendall didn't even know if he was saying this to save himself, or if he meant it. _What happened to us?_ he wanted to ask. _Why don't you love me anymore?_

"Then why are you sleeping with another guy?" Sean demanded, yanking Kendall to his feet by the hair.

"It was just one time, I swear!"

Sean glared at him, breathing like an angry bear. Kendall knew he didn't believe him. Then he gave a nasty grin. "Alright. I suppose I might be able to forgive you, for being deliberately unfaithful to me . . ."

"Sean, please . . ."

"You have to choose. Me or him."

"But—"

"Shut up and get dressed. I'll be waiting in the parking lot." The look in Sean's eyes said _Don't do anything stupid._

Kendall just sat on the bed for a few moments after he'd gone, a few tears sliding down his cheeks. Then he stood up and reached for his jeans, putting them on. He finished getting dressed, gathered up his stuff and left the room.

* * *

"Ok, so you need to run this through Trace, and after that can you look through these DNA samples and call me when you get the results?"

Rachael nodded, taking the samples from James. "I'll have to queue them up, though. I've got Kelly's arson case as a priority."

"Thanks. Hey, when I get back from lunch I'll take over for you."

"That's sweet, thanks. I'll get back to work now."

"Ok. Later, Rache." James walked down the hallway to where Carlos was standing by the vending machine. "Hey, Carlos, coming out for lunch?"

"Logan packed one for me," Carlos said with a bashful grin on his face. "You could just stay here, buddy. Sara made a pie, it's in the refrigerator."

"Pie? Oh well, why not?" James went and opened the refrigerator, taking the pie out, along with a can of root beer. He sat at the table with his slice tossed onto a plastic plate. "So, you and Logan are really serious now, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess." Carlos still had that stupid grin on his face. "It's really awesome, living with him. You and Kendall should totally try it." There was something about the way he was looking at James as he said it. _I know your secret._

James sighed, catching on. "Who told you?"

"Summer."

"WHAT? Her again? Here I was, thinking I could confide in her—"

"Sorry, man. It's cool, though. I think it's sweet that you're making all this effort for him."

"Thanks. I dunno, it's weird, but I just think he's worth it. I don't wanna lose him."

"That's nice," Carlos replied with a grin, opening his paper bag and taking his sandwich out.

James didn't mind hearing stories about Carlos and Logan as they ate. He was almost finished when he got a text on his phone. He opened it up and saw it was from Kendall. _Hey, can I see u? I need to say something._

James mentally shrugged and sent back, _Alright._

Then his phone beeped again. _I'm downstairs._

James was slightly surprised, but got up. "I'll be back in a few minutes, Carlitos. Don't let anyone eat my pie."

James walked through the office and downstairs into the lobby. He saw Kendall sitting in one of the chairs, his back to the stairs where James was standing. There was something about the way he was sitting; the way his arms were folded tightly around his chest, like he was trying to hide away. James remembered that from some other time, but it was fuzzy. So he walked over to where Kendall was sitting. "Hey."

Kendall jumped out of his skin, turning around with wide eyes. "Oh. Hi." He got to his feet, walking over and meeting James halfway.

"What happened to you?" James asked, eyeing the large bruise on Kendall's cheek.

"Oh, nothing," Kendall replied, laughing. "I just walked straight into a lamppost. You know me; clumsy like that."

James nodded, thinking all the while there was nothing clumsy about Kendall. Not the way he walked, or the way he danced, or the way he—

"I wanna end this," Kendall said bluntly, arms folded.

"What?" James stared at Kendall in horror. This was not what he'd expected at all. "Why? I thought . . . I thought everything was fine, I mean . . ."

"Well, you clearly thought wrong, didn't you?" Kendall shrugged, a faint smirk on his face. "You know, you're not as good as I expected. Maybe that's what put me off so much."

"What? Kendall . . ."

"We're done, James," Kendall said again, eyes narrowed, a sneer on his lips. "I can't believe you took this whole thing seriously. Jesus, it's not like we were gonna elope or something."

"Kendall—"

"I love Sean, James. I'm not leaving him just 'cause of you. I don't even like you that much. You and your stupid cops sticking your noses into our business—"

"Kendall, if he's making you say—"

"Nobody's making me say anything, you asshole!" Kendall almost yelled. "Just get over the fact that you got played. You were a joke, a fling, an _experiment._ That's it. So stop acting like there's some deep dark meaning behind this, because there _isn't_."

James wasn't stupid; he could see the bruises on Kendall body, and the tears in his eyes. Sean had probably threatened him, blackmailed him, or even physically forced him into it. But as Kendall said goodbye and started walking away, it didn't hurt any less. Somehow the fact that abuse had driven Kendall into acting like everything they had meant nothing to him was harder than thinking he did it of his own free will. Because James couldn't say anything to anyone. He had to stay quiet, for Kendall's sake.

Maybe Faye had been right after all.

* * *

Kendall had never seen Sean so smug in his life. He seemed to take every opportunity to subtly remind him that he was Sean's, and not James's. It hurt so much, but at the same time it was almost a relief. He didn't have to lie to anyone anymore. Except maybe when he told Sean he loved him, but he wasn't even sure if that was a lie or not. He wished like crazy he could figure it out.

"So, this Friday night," Lance was saying with a grin. "Everyone's gonna be there. Might even find some new bitches to replace those other two. What was it . . . Matt and the other one?"

"Yeah, yeah. Some replacements would be good," Sean was nodding. "I guess I could come along."

Lance was still grinning enthusiastically, eyes suddenly drifting behind Sean to where Kendall was standing. "And maybe you can bring someone along?"

"Yeah, cool. Kendall will come." Sean turned to look at Kendall, looking both friendly and threatening at the same time. "Won't you?"

Kendall shrugged, faking a smile. "Yeah, why not?"

"Ok, cool." Lance was still watching him and Sean seemed to notice, because he was stepping a little closer to Kendall, gently pushing him towards the door.

"We're gonna get going, Lance. See you Friday."

Sean pushed Kendall out the door of The Crypt, before taking Kendall by the hand and pulling him along the street, towards the parking lot where the car was. "What are you doing that for?" Kendall asked, looking at their intertwined fingers. Sean had never held his hand before. It confused him.

"Everyone is gonna see that you're mine," Sean said with a grin, pulling Kendall closer to him. "No one's gonna want to try and steal you."

Kendall just sniffled mournfully, leaning closer to him. How was it that Sean would almost scare him to death one second, then be the one he turned to for comfort the next? It had never made any sense at all to him. Still, no escaping now. Any thoughts of leaving Sean once the thirty months were over had vanished from Kendall's mind. Maybe he was just meant to stay with Sean forever.

James was walking back to his car after a suckish day at work when he saw a familiar blonde face in the parking lot. Naturally, they were heading towards him to go to their car. A tall, dark-haired man was holding Kendall's hand, leading him through the parking lot. James immediately knew who it was, then realised with a sickening lurch that he was leading Kendall this way deliberately, to mock him. As if to say _Haha James, you lose._ Well, maybe he could say something too.

"Hey," he said as they passed, keeping direct eye contact with Sean.

Kendall didn't say a word, but Sean smiled. Then he turned to Kendall, leaning a little closer to him. "Go wait in the car," he said quietly, giving the keys to Kendall who practically scurried away.

Sean turned to James, smirking. "You got something to say?"

James shrugged. "Well, you won, I guess."

"Yeah, I did."

"Quit bragging, prick. Being abusive is hardly an achievement."

"Oh, just face it, pretty boy," Sean sneered. "You can make your excuses but when it comes down to it, he'll always choose me over you. You've lost. You're wasting your time here."

James sighed. "Well, maybe you're right. Goodbye."

He turned to go, but Sean clearly wanted to bother him further, as he said, "Glad I'm the one banging him, are you? You're easy for a cop."

James stopped, his temper rising. "No."

"What?"

James turned and walked back to Sean. He was so tempted to punch him. But he would remain rational. For now. "No, I hate it." Sean's smirk had disappeared; he was now watching James with raised eyebrows, looking puzzled. "Listen, you asshole. You'd better treat him like a king. It's what he deserves for every fucking thing he's ever done for you. You're lucky to have him. I swear to God you should've been giving him flowers like every day. His favourites are sunflowers, but I bet you didn't know that, did you?" Once James started, he didn't want to stop. "He's given everything to you and all you ever do is hurt him. I don't know who the hell you think you are. Yeah, alright, maybe he chose you, but I haven't a clue why he would. You don't deserve him, and honestly, maybe I don't either. But you have him, so just take care of him. Got it?"

Without waiting for an answer James turned and walked to his car, getting in. He watched Kendall sitting in the passenger seat of Sean's car. Kendall was staring at him, a broken expression on his face. James could see a few tears that he hurriedly wiped away when Sean got in the car. James watched as Sean leaned across and kissed him, arm moving down his back. Kendall was kissing him back, and James truthfully wondered what was real and what wasn't. But one thing was for sure. He was James Diamond and never gave up. _Ever._

_Step one of sneak attack; let your enemy think you've backed down. Check._

James pulled out his cell phone, flicking through his contacts. _Step two; strike how and when they least expect it._

He waited in anticipation as he heard the first three rings. Then he heard, _"Hello?"_

"Logan, it's James. I need your help **.** "


	12. The Corner Where I First Saw You

  
"Logan, it's James. I need your help."

There was a brief pause. Then, _"What? Why?"_

"Me and Kendall . . . there's been some issues."

 _"What kind of issues, James?"_ Logan sounded impatient.

"We're not together anymore. I thought you would've known." James explained everything he knew for sure about the situation. "I need him to take me back. I . . ." James's voice died away.

_"I get it, James. But, what can I do?"_

James sighed. "I don't know, honestly. But you were the only person I could call."

There was another pause. _"Well, I don't live with Kendall anymore, as you know, but I can give you the number of someone who does. They'd be more than happy to assist."_

"Ok, great."

After copying down the seven digits of Eric's phone number, James said, "What do you think I should do? To get him back, it has to be a big gesture to convince him."

 _"Honestly, I think it's up to you to think of something yourself. But, if you want any advice, Kendall just loves it when people act like they care, like they're making an effort for him."_ There was a distinct bitterness in Logan's voice as he added, _"Sean never bothers."_

"Thanks, Logan. I'd better start brainstorming."

 _"Good luck. Kendall needs someone like you."_ There was a pause. _"And, you know what? I think you need someone like him too. To loosen you up out of that copper lifestyle. Must get dull."_

James grimaced. "Thank you, for that. Talk to you soon."

 _"Later, James. Hope you win."_ Then he hung up.

 _Win?_ James stuck his cell phone into his pocket and started the car. The radio came on as he drove out of the parking lot.

"Now it's time for some old hits of The Script—"

_"Goin' back to the corner where I first saw you, gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move. Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand, sayin' 'If you see this girl, can you tell her where I am?' Some try to hand me money, they don't understand, I'm not broke, I'm just a broken-hearted man. I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do? Hoiw can I move on when I'm still in love with you?"_

James's hand flew forward to switch the song off, brow furrowed in concentration. And he thought. And wondered. Maybe it was worth a shot.

After all, if Danny O'Donoghue had done it, why couldn't he?

So the next day, there he was on the corner by the Crystal hotel. So much had happened here; that moment when he first saw Kendall, the time when he'd saved him from that guy Wayne, where they'd met on their first date, that time he was wasted . . . When James set his guitar case open beside him and started to play, it truly felt natural.

Some people passed by and dropped money in the case, but they didn't matter. He was only there for one person. Hopefully they would come.

Suddenly a single white rose landed in his guitar case. James looked up to see Kendall standing there, face expressionless. "White roses stand for remembrance, you know," he said, a tiny smile appearing for a moment, but then it was gone again.

James remained sitting, sensing it probably wasn't a good idea to stand up. But he was puzzled. "So, you're forgiving and remembering me?"

Kendall shook his head. "I think you should move on, because I'm not a good idea. But I hope you don't forget me." His smile faded, his voice quietening considerably. "And I hope you forgive me too."

Then he turned and walked away. James knew getting up and trying to stop him was no good. So he started strumming again, catching the attention of more nearby pedestrians. "If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and you're heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be, thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet, you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street . . ."

Kendall had turned around and was watching him from a distance. James couldn't tell anything from the look on his face. "So, I'm not moving, I'm not moving." Kendall had already turned to leave again. James kept sitting there, wondering which song he was gonna play next. He just hoped it wouldn't rain.

 

* * *

Kendall hated parties like this. When everyone was dancing, drinking or taking drugs. Maybe even High School parties were like this, but he didn't want to see anymore girls in tiny outfits with their legs wrapped around metal poles, or men pouring wine and tequila down each other's throats. He couldn't stand it. Especially since all Sean's butt hole friends were here. He didn't know who was the worst; Lance with his loud obnoxious laughing, Henry with his big sweaty hands that couldn't keep to themselves, Archie with that crack he kept pushing . . . the list went on and on.

The last straw was when Henry slapped his ass before shoving him onto one of the tables, offering him what was obviously roofies to put in his drink. Kendall had turned and fled away, cheeks red with frustration and anger. He was so tired of this.

Then Lance appeared in front of him. "What's up with you?"

"I'm leaving," Kendall replied, trying to push past him.

Lance just waved the bottle of champagne in Kendall's face. "At least have something to drink before you go, baby. You need to loosen up."

"I don't want anything," Kendall snapped. He wasn't in the mood to party, or do anything. He wanted James back, so badly. These past couple of weeks had been painful without him around. He hadn't realised how much he actually needed him until he was gone.

He was walking toward the door when he felt somebody grab his arm. He turned around to see Sean there, eyes narrowed. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going home," he replied, shaking his arm free. You can take the car; I'll get a taxi. But I'm not staying here another minute." He turned and stormed away, ignoring the confused look Eric gave him as he left. He didn't want to live like this. Not anymore.

James was sitting in a brightly lit coffee shop when he received a new test message. He opened it up.

**_Hey, Bus Guy, it's Eric. Logan gave me your no. Kendall's goin home ALONE ;) get stuck in there! xx_ **

_Bus Guy?_ James frowned at the little screen, but typed back, **_Thanks, will do :)_**

He quickly stood up, leaving the shop and leaping into his car. It didn't take him too long to get to Kendall's neighbourhood, and he parked near the top before getting out to walk. He didn't want to be seen parked outside Kendall's house. His phone beeped with another text, and he read, **_Try Kendall's room, first window on right side, 1st floor. He'll be there._**

 ** _Thanks._** James found the right window when he got to the house, and smiled to himself when he saw light shining through the gaps in the closed curtains. He window was level with his shoulders, and he took a deep breath before reaching up and knocking on it three times. He heard movement before the curtains were thrown open. Kendall stood there, curtain in each hand, eyes widening when he saw him. He quickly pulled the window up. "What are you doing here?" he hissed. "If someone sees you—"

"That doesn't matter." James was determined. "Look, I haven't planned what I'm gonna say at all, so I'm just gonna improvise." He took a deep breath. "Kendall, I don't care what you tell me about what Sean would do to me if he found out we were still together. He's not gonna find out, I'll make sure of it. I'll go on dates with you in caves, or in deserts, or a forest, I don't care, I'll make it work because I can't give you up. I know we have something special, and I know it meant something to you too. You can't hide your thoughts as well as you think. We've come through a lot, and there's no way we can just give it all up like this."

Kendall was watching him with wide eyes as he finished.

"Kendall . . ." James took a deep breath. "Here's the thing. You could agree to take me back now, but even if you don't, I'm gonna be waiting on that corner until I see you again, I'm not gonna leave you alone. And if you change your work spot, I have sources to inform me of where you've gone. You're stuck with me."

Kendall gave a tiny smile. "That was so incredibly cheesy," he replied quietly.

"I know. But cheesy works surprisingly well." He paused. "So what's it gonna be?"

Kendall bit his lip, and James could see tears building up in his eyes. "I don't know." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm scared, Jamie," he whispered.

James kept eye contact. "Me too. But, part of my job is being brave. I can deal with this."

"Don't you understand, it would be easier for you and everyone if you just forgot about me?"

James shrugged. "Yeah, that would be easier. Doesn't mean I'm gonna do it."

Kendall laughed at that, eyes shining. "You're way too stubborn for your own good. You don't know trouble when you see it."

"Trust me, I do. I just dig trouble." James's face became serious. "Kendall, it comes down to what you want. So, can you look me in the eyes and tell me you never wanna se me again?"

Kendall's smile faded, and he shook his head no. When James grinned at him, Kendall smiled back and pointed towards the back of the house. "Back door's that way."

James hurried through the garden and onto the small patio at the back, where Kendall appeared a few seconds later, sliding the door open for him. James walked inside, putting the guitar back in its case and leaning it against the counter.

"You should sing to me more often, I think," Kendall said.

"Is it something else nobody except me has done?"

"Yup."

"Awesome."

Kendall giggled, then his face suddenly became solemn. "I'm sorry, about what I said to you before," he said, blushing. "About not liking you, and saying you're always in my business. I didn't mean any of it."

"I know you didn't," James replied, smiling. "I could see it in your eyes."

"Is that why you came back?"

"I would've come back anyway."

Kendall shook his head in something like bemusement. "I don't believe that."

"Well, it's true. I can be very stubborn."

Kendall smiled again. "So, what else do my eyes tell you?"

"Well, the information is never very specific, but it's enough," James replied breezily. "Like I can see how you're feeling. When you're happy, when you're sad or angry." He smirked. "Or when you're horny."

Kendall's mouth fell open and he blushed again, eyes on the floor. For the first time, James noticed what he was wearing. "You're pretty dressed up. Where were you?"

"A party, with Sean and his friends," Kendall said dully. "I came home early." He moved towards the kitchen door. "I'm gonna change, actually. Be right back."

"Can't I come with you?" James asked with a smirk, before he could stop himself.

Kendall's eyebrows rose, and he replied with, "Not yet," before leaving the room.

James glanced around the kitchen, foot tapping absent-mindedly on the floor. He couldn't help feeling that he'd totally won over Sean. Any thoughts of how Kendall had originally chosen Sean over him were completely gone. It was abuse that had driven him to it; James knew that for sure. He was standing there for a couple of minutes, daydreaming of Kendall when the door opened again.

James hoped his jaw didn't drop when Kendall walked back into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a large white shirt. His bare feet moved silently over the tiled floor as he walked back over to James. _He's totally wearing that just to tease me,_ James realised as Kendall wound his arms around the brunette's middle and rested his head against his chest. "I missed you holding me," he sighed happily.

In spite of himself, James wrapped his arms around Kendall's waist, breathing in that scent of cinnamon from his hair. "I missed holding you."

Kendall hummed contentedly, hands running up and down James's back slowly. James had to use every ounce of self control he had not to jump him there and then. That shirt was really killing him, especially since he had a view of Kendall's long legs, and the shirt just about covering his upper thighs, the material curving over his ass surprisingly well. And James had to avoid groaning when Kendall looked up at him with innocent eyes and said, "You look kinda like you're in the mood for hot makeup sex."

"You read me too well."

"Get to it, then."

At first James wasn't sure what exactly Kendall had said. Then he quickly grabbed Kendall's waist, lifting him up from the floor and pushing him against the wall. Kendall laughed loudly, hugging James's waist with his legs and wrapping his arms around his neck. James walked backwards through the door and into the hallway. "Which way?" he managed to gasp between kisses.

Kendall pointed to one of the doors, other hand tugging on James's long brown locks as the brunette kicked the door open. He spotted Kendall's tattered old messenger bag by one of the beds and tossed Kendall onto it before diving down on top of him. They wanted all the emotion they'd been feeling to go into this. All the hurt, all that time they'd been apart. When Kendall flipped them both over so he was on top, James didn't even protest at being on the bottom again. Kendall could do whatever he wanted to him.

James ran his fingers underneath Kendall's shirt as the blonde kissed every inch of his face. "You going commando under here?" As he trailed his hands over Kendall's ass, he felt a soft string beneath his fingers and grinned.

Kendall laughed at James's expression. "Nope. Better."

Kendall sat up, still straddling James's waist, and started unbuttoning his shirt. James somehow managed to pull his own t-shirt off too, before lying back to watch his blonde beauty undress for him. It was taken a lot longer than he wanted, what with the shirt being so big and having all those annoying extra buttons. But Kendall eventually opened the last one and tossed the shirt over his shoulders to join the other clothes on the floor.

Kendall leaned back down to suck on James's neck, hands fumbling with the button of his jeans. James ran his fingers along the strings of Kendall's blue thong, snapping it and making Kendall squeak and start giggling. "Dammit, Kendall," James murmured, sliding his hands beneath the tiny underwear and pressing his forefinger against Kendall's entrance. "How did you know how much I love these things on you already?"

"Intuition— _ohh,_ James!" Kendall groaned and lifted his hips so James could pull his underwear down. He quickly got off James and pulled it down his legs and threw it away, while James opened his pants and pulled them and his boxers off in one go. Kendall crawled back on top of him, grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him long and hard, his tongue sliding along James's teeth and prodding at his tongue. James shoved two fingers inside Kendall, delighting in the moans that escaped from the blonde's parted lips. He didn't even seem to mind that they were dry and were stretching him too quickly to be very comfortable.

Working Kendall open was a lot easier when his third finger moved inside, and soon James was pulling his fingers out and Kendall was shifting so that he was hovering above James's erection. They kissed one more time before the blonde lowered his body down fully into James's lap. James gasped as he suddenly felt the tight velvet heat encasing his cock. Before he could control himself, his hands were gripping Kendall's hips and he was lifting him up only to tug him back down. Kendall fell forward right into James's arms, their lips crashing together as he started moving himself, hips jutting up and down, back and forth.

" _James!_ Oh God . . ."

"Kendall," James groaned as the blonde's fingernails dug into his chest. "So good . . ."

Kendall moaned and screamed every time James's tip slammed against his prostate, and the sudden feeling of Kendall contracting around him caused him to sail over the edge, feeling burst after burst of his seed filling Kendall up. He quickly took hold of Kendall's dick and pumped him once, twice, three times until he came too, all over James's chest. Feeling completely drained all of a sudden, James slumped back, head hitting the pillows as he pulled Kendall down with him. Their bodies were pressed together as they kissed again, James lifting Kendall's hips so he could pull out of him, before setting him back down and wrapping an arm around his waist. Kendall rested his head in the crook of the brunette's neck, snuggling in close to him.

"Best makeup sex ever," James murmured, chuckling.

Kendall giggled, hand turning James's face so he could give him another kiss. "I agree. I'm sorry, Jamie. For everything. All the trouble I've caused." His lips lowered into a pout. "No wonder Faye doesn't like me."

"I don't care what she thinks. I've never criticised anyone she dated, and I really hated some of them."

"Oh yeah? Did she date any strippers?"

"Nope. But there was one guy I was convinced was a drug dealer, another who was obviously gay, and then there was that one who was already married . . ."

Kendall bit his lip in an attempt to control his laughter, and James couldn't help grinning at how adorable he looked. Then suddenly, as if the universe really did have something against them, he could've sworn he heard the distant sound of a car engine. Then Kendall was sitting up so fast James could swear he heard something crack. Then Kendall was grabbing a packet of tissues off the floor and ripping it open, cleaning James's chest off at the speed of light.

"Babe, are you ok?" Kendall expression put James at ill ease. He'd never seen the blonde look so scared before; he looked like a deer caught in headlights, and he couldn't seem to breathe properly.

"You need to go," Kendall said quickly, darting down to pick James's clothes off the floor before throwing them at him as he reached for his own.

James got dressed as quickly as he could, hopping around as he pulled his jeans on. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." He stopped. "What about my guitar?"

"Shit! Ok, two seconds." Kendall hurried out of the room, before running back in with James's guitar case and all but throwing it at him. Then Kendall was pushing James towards the window before he even had his shirt fully on. "Out this way, ok? He won't see you."

James pulled the window open and hopped out, landing on the grass. He turned to look at Kendall who was leaning out of the window. He quickly closed the gap between them and kissed him softly. Kendall reached out a hand and rested it on the back of James's neck, pulling him a bit closer.

Then James heard the distant sound of a door slamming, and Kendall pulled away in an instant. "Bye, James."

"Bye," James murmured, turning to go as Kendall shut the window and the curtains almost simultaneously. He turned and walked quietly through the garden and out onto the sidewalk, heading towards where he'd parked his car. He felt like a winner.

Kendall, meanwhile, was straightening the sheets of his bed hastily before throwing himself onto it and straightening his hair with one hand as he picked a book off the floor with the other and opened it. _Act normal._

The door opened and Sean stood there, smiling at him. "Hey. You missed a great party."

"Mmm." Kendall put the book back down, praying he didn't look like he'd just slept with another guy. "Sorry, babe. The music was so loud, I just had to get out of there."

Sean moved towards him, sitting down next to him. "Fair enough, I guess. So you just read the whole time? Sounds boring."

"Well, you know what I'm like." But he really didn't.

Sean just shrugged, hands gripping the sheets when he frowned suddenly. "Hey, I think this is wet, or something."

 _Shit!_ Kendall just moved closer to him, sighing. "Fine, maybe reading wasn't all I did." He moved a hand around Sean's shoulders, fingers playing with the hair on the back of his neck. "I was just so lonely here without you."

Sweet talking; something he'd improved at over time. Clearly his reply was sufficient, because Sean leaned over and gave him a kiss, smirking to himself. "You're so kinky. Maybe you should sleep with me tonight," he murmured, hand stroking Kendall's hip.

"Mmm." Kendall faked a smile. "Maybe I should. Up to you, baby."

Sean straightened up, backing towards the door. "Well, come on, then," he said, opening the door and beckoning Kendall over.

Kendall took a deep breath and got up to follow Sean upstairs, telling himself over and over again that everything was fine. Nothing to worry about. He had James back, Sean was none the wiser. What could happen?

He totally jinxed it.

Sean sat down on the bed of his room, Kendall walking over to him without direction. Sean pulled Kendall down onto his lap, wrapping him up in his arms before kissing him slowly.

Kendall started to relax. They were just kissing, after all. It was fine, nothing to worry about. Even when he felt Sean tugging his shirt up, he pulled back and let him take it off before kissing him again. He slid his hands under Sean's shirt, figuring he might as well make this believable as he ran his fingertips over the brunette's abs.

Sean moved his hands lower and lifted Kendall slightly, pushing him back and laying him down on the bed before straddling his waist. Kendall moaned weakly as Sean cupped his cheeks and kissed him harder. Sean pulled back, lips curling into a sneer as he chuckled softly, hands moving to pin Kendall's wrists by his head, still keeping him there, trapped. "You're a stupid whore, you know that?"

Kendall's eyes widened. "Huh?"

Sean laughed. "I can't believe you, lying to my face." Then his narrowed his eyes. "I told you to stop seeing him."

Kendall told himself to keep calm, though he tried to free his wrists from Sean's iron grip. "I . . . I don't—"

"Shut up!" Sean yelled, face twisting in anger. "Don't bother lying to me, you little bitch!"

Suddenly Kendall was absolutely terrified. "S-Sean, I—"

Sean's fist slammed into his cheek, causing him to cut off his protests and whimper in pain. "You know, Kendall, I did you a huge favour. Getting you away from Paul. I'm pretty sure you owe me."

"Sean, I'm sorry!" Kendall cried, trying to free his hands again.

Yeah, that's not good enough anymore. I'm really mad, Kendall."

" _Please . . ._ "

Sean laughed again, almost manically, reaching down underneath the mattress, other hand caressing the inked skin of his collarbone. "Black roses stand death, you know."

Kendall's scream was muffled by Sean's hand closing over his mouth and nose. In his other hand he held a long, thin knife. Kendall was using his hands to try and pry Sean's palm off his face. He was afraid to go near the knife. But then it was coming closer, the blade glinting silver and almost looking surreal as Kendall stared at it, suddenly numb with horror. Sean really wanted to hurt him? Like, seriously hurt him?

He got his answer when he lowered his hand until the blade was resting against Kendall's stomach. For a second all he felt was coldness, then a sharp sting as the knife curved over his skin, leaving a thin cut behind, blood seeping through the gaps in his skin. Another curve, and then Sean moved the knife over, a straight line slashing down, and then across. As all this happened, Kendall found himself frozen, unable to defend himself.

Sean's finger traced over his cheek, blood smearing on the skin from his fingers. Kendall felt like he was going to be sick. But then he somehow managed to get his legs out from under Sean, and kicked him in the chest, knocking him onto the floor. He got up and ran, stumbling a little as he made his way to the door. He fumbled with the key, managing to unlock it just as Sean got back to his feet. "You bitch!" he shouted angrily, hand on his head, face scrunched up in pain.

Kendall ran, heading straight for the stairs without looking back. It was only as he was about halfway down that his churning stomach forced him to stop for a second. His eyes strayed down to his stomach, where blood was still dripping down slowly over his skin. His eyes widened as he struggled to keep breathing normally. He _really_ hated blood . . .

He probably fainted then, but he wasn't so sure. He was just there, suddenly curled up at the bottom of the stairs with no idea how he got there. He quickly got up onto his knees, trying to ignore the fact that he was bleeding everywhere and it was so gross and Sean was yelling and still following him—

 _I have . . . I have to get out of here . . ._ But he was so dizzy, his head throbbing as he struggled to his feet. He stumbled as he stood up; he could hear footsteps behind him, but somehow he couldn't even react until he felt a pair of arms grab him from behind.

Kendall immediately started struggling, sobbing in fear as the grip on him only tightened. He punched and kicked, thrashing and screaming, but Sean had always been stronger than he was. Eventually the taller man threw Kendall against the wall, causing him to lose his footing for a second or two. That was all it really took.

For a second the two just stared each other in the eyes. Unspoken messages passed between them, some angry, some loving. Then Sean's anger got the better of him as he grabbed the lamp off the table in the hallway, ripping it right out of the socket in the wall. Eyes wild, he swung it straight at Kendall. The base struck him in the head, and he let out a cry of pain, the force of the blow sending him flying against the wall and then onto the floor. He didn't get back up.

Sean stared at him, the mad anger burning through his head slowly fading away. He dropped the lamp on the floor, stared at the limp form at his feet. He bent down and rolled the blonde onto his back. Funny, how he looked so much more peaceful now then he usually did. Almost angelic. His eyes were shut, his eyelashes like a dark crescent across his cheek, his lips slightly parted. A thin trail of blood was sliding down his forehead, and as it slid over his cheek it almost looked like he was crying blood. Sean picked up the knife he'd dropped on his way, and slowly cut the last two letters into the blonde's stomach. U. T.

"You stupid slut," he murmured, voice cracking as tears built up in his eyes. His head was ringing so much he barely heard the sirens outside. "It's all your fault. You know that. I had to do it, you know I did. You were gonna run off with your stupid copper fuck toy . . ." A tear fell from his eyes, landing on Kendall's forehead. He brushed it away with his thumb, sniffing as he continued shakily. "You were gonna just leave me here. I couldn't let you do that. You're all I've got, and you were gonna leave me. I didn't have to hurt you . . ."

As he heard the front door smash and fall off its hinges, he ignored it. He sobbed angrily and slapped Kendall across the face, his rage increasing when the blonde didn't even flinch. "You stupid slut! Why are you doing this to me? WHY!"

He felt two pairs of arms grabbing him and pulling him to his feet. He felt his hand being pulled behind his back and heard a little metallic click. He aimed a kick at Kendall's bloody stomach, screaming with rage as the cops pulled him outside. **_"You stupid, stupid slut!"_**

James wasn't sure why he'd followed the squad cars back into Kendall's neighbourhood. Maybe it was paranoia. Or maybe he just wanted to lend a hand, no matter which house it was. Now he watched the cops shove Sean into the back of a squad car, one of them yelling to a group of paramedics just climbing out of an ambulance. "Get inside the house, we've got an injured male on the first floor!" They grabbed a gurney and hurried into the house with it.

James watched in horror as they came back out, carrying somebody blonde and pale. His eyes could barely focus properly. He couldn't even see any indications that Kendall was still alive in his panicked state. There was a large cut on Kendall's temple, blood trails on his face. He had no shirt on, and on his stomach were four letters, cut into the skin. They were stained red and James could read it easily. S L U T.

He felt anger bubbling up inside him, and he although he wanted to grab that knife and slit Sean's throat with it, that wasn't very wise.

"James, hey." one of the officers greeted suddenly. "What are you doing here?"

"I saw you and just . . . I don't know." He still couldn't think straight.

"Well, we're gonna call in another investigator. I know you're not on duty, but do you think you could just take a quick look?"

"Sure." James walked inside the house as nonchalantly as possible. He saw a knife and a lamp on the floor and put two and two together. More blood drops on the stairs, blood stains on the floor. When he walked up the stairs and checked every room, he found more blood drops on the bed in one of them.

He walked back downstairs and into the kitchen, giving it a quick glance. A flash of yellow caught his attention, and he spotted a bouquet of sunflowers on the table, still wrapped up. There was a little white card attached to it. After a moment of hesitation, James walked over and flipped the card over, reading what was written on it.

 _I'm sorry. Forgive me._  
Love  
Sean.  
  



	13. My Reasons For Defying Reason

  
Day shift was kept James busy, but his mind was always on Kendall. Was he alright? He hadn't heard anything; could it be that no news was good news in this case? "Hey, James," Sara called to him as he passed. "Doc needs your help down in autopsy. Victim from the assault last night."

James's mouth fell open. He shut his eyes, telling himself furiously that he wouldn't cry. He swallowed and slowly walked down the hallway, towards the stairs that led down to the morgue. _I'm sorry, Kendall. I failed you, I'm so sorry . . ._

When he walked in, Doctor Michael Rowan, the lead coroner. He was standing at the end of the long row of metal tables. There were only two bodies on the tables. One was just a few feet away from him, and was a bruised old woman. The other was at the end where Michael was, and was turned on its side as Michael inspected his upper body, while the rest of him was covered in a white sheet. James saw the head of blonde hair and when Michael called him over, he found he couldn't move his legs.

"James?" Michael looked concerned.

James swallowed and walked over to him with shaky legs. He really didn't want to see this, he didn't, he didn't . . .

Then he was over, and Michael was rolling the body onto its back.

James's jaw dropped.

It was a young man, about James's age. Blonde hair, pale skin, slim. There was a large stab wound in his abdomen. He had a face covered in pale freckles that made him look oddly vulnerable. He was covered in brusies. James felt a pang in his heart for this poor guy. Those freckles made him look so innocent and young.

But it wasn't Kendall.

It wasn't Kendall!

James turned to gape at Michael. "Which assault is this?"

"Oh? Um, Rodeo Drive, about 1am this morning."

"Um . . ." James wasn't sure how to go about putting this. "There was another assault, Sanders Avenue, number 27, last night. The victim, uh, looked a lot like this. Do you know . . .?"

"Oh, that one." Michael shrugged. "Well, he's not dead, otherwise he'd be here. I asked Gustavo, though, because I was curious. St John's hospital. I don't know what condition he's in, but he hasn't died yet."

James grinned; he couldn't help himself. "Michael, this isn't my case. So, do you mind if someone else comes down here?"

"Uh, sure . . ."

"Ok, thanks!" James almost skipped back upstairs. He was just passing the DNA lab when he overheard the conversation going on.

"I've made an interesting discovery," Rachael was saying to Gustavo. "The victim, of this assault . . . when I ran his DNA through the system to analyse what the guys brought back from the scene, I got a hit in CODIS." She read aloud from her computer screen. "He's Kendall Knight. I know he's registered in California and all that, but he's Kendall Knight from Henderson. He went missing three years ago. The case was left unsolved."

Gustavo frowned. "That is interesting. Do you have contact information for the family?"

"Right here." Rachael handed him a sheet of paper, and Gustavo immediately pulled out his cell phone and started dialling.

James just stood, staring. _Missing? Kendall went missing?_ It didn't make any sense to him. Kendall had said he moved away. But . . . he went missing? Was he abducted or did he run away? James longed to find out.

Gustavo was hanging up the phone and briefly said to Rachael, "His mother's on her way. It'll take an hour or two for her to get here."

James moved away before either of them saw them. He watched Gustavo walk down the hall towards one of the Interrogation rooms. He moved cautiously after him; this was sort of his case, after all. He watched through the window, the microphone a great advantage to him. It was Sean. James felt hatred surge through him as he listened.

"This is the knife you used to assault Kendall Knight," Gustavo was saying, holding up a photograph. "We also found Matthew Anderson's DNA on it. So, you're going for attempted murder, assault . . . and you're a pimp too? This just isn't your day."

Sean just sighed, shrugging. James was astounded. So Sean stabbed Matt. He really liked hurting his hookers, didn't he? James left the room, not wanting to hear anymore. But he was surprised when Gustavo walked out of the room and straight up to him. "James, this is your case, right?"

"Yes. Um, do you know how the victim is?"

"He's in a state of comatose right now. But it's not too serious; he was just hit pretty hard. He should be fine."

This was the peace of mind James needed to get back to work. He went about his business, interviewing families, inspecting bodies and photocopying records.

When he heard an announcement on the intercom, "Gustavo Rocque, there is a visitor for you at reception," he went too, knowing full well who would be there.

A redhead woman was standing at the reception, fingers drumming impatiently on the counter. "Mrs Knight?"

Her head snapped to look at him, eyes wide. "Yes? You're Gustavo Rocque?"

"I am." A slim, tall girl of about seventeen was next to Mrs Knight. "Is this your daughter, Katie?"

Mrs Knight nodded. She looked both upset and overjoyed at the same time. "We came as soon as he got your call. I mean, it took us a few hours to get here, and I probably shouldn't have taken Katie out of school, but I . . ." she caught off with a helpless sigh.

"I understand," Gustavo replied solemnly. James was so used to Gustavo yelling and being angry at everyone, this was a spooky change.

"You found my son?" Mrs Knight said, smiling nervously.

"Yes. He's in St John's hospital right now."

"Oh my God." Mrs Knight clapped a hand to her mouth, tears appearing in her eye. "What happened to him?" she whispered.

"We'll tell you that, but you're going to need to answer some questions for my assistant first, if you don't mind."

"Can I ask why?"

"It's just to tie up some loose ends in the case. It's important, though. If Katie doesn't mind waiting outside the interrogation room . . ."

"Ok. No problem. Whatever you need to know." Mrs Knight went and followed Gustavo down the hallway, Katie and James both walking subtly behind them.

Katie stationed herself in the viewing room next door, standing in front of the large window, arms folded, expression solemn. James walked in too, along with Gustavo. They could hear and see everything clearly in here. They saw Mrs Knight sit down at the table in the room on the other side of the window, and Kelly walked in shortly after. She sat down, giving Mrs Knight a comforting smile.

"Hello, Mrs Knight."

"Call me Jen. Everyone else does." She gave a small smile.

Kelly smiled back. She was good at this kind of thing. "Ok. Jen. Whatever you're gonna tell me could be important, so . . ." She opened her records and scanned through them. "Your husband was . . . shot, correct?"

She nodded. James stared. _Kendall told me his dad died in an accident. Why would he lie?_

Kelly continued. "Um . . . I've got some records from the interviews on your son's disappearance; you said your son had problems with depression, and there was an attempted suicide?"

Mrs Knight nodded, looking pained, but didn't say anything.

Kelly looked uncertain as she continued. "Jen, clearly your son . . . he may have had problems in his life that you didn't share with the police when he went missing. I need you to explain them to me."

Mrs Knight's eyes widened. "I . . . I can't . . ." She ran a hand through her hair. "I p-promised him I wouldn't tell anybody . . ."

Kelly didn't say anything, and eventually Mrs Knight straightened up, almost bracing herself. "Ok . . . I'll tell you."

Kelly waited. James waited. Katie waited. Gustavo waited.

"My son was a victim of rape," Mrs Knight said slowly. James froze as she continued. "He was just a kid; it was his third grade teacher. He came home late, he was crying, I eventually got him to tell me what happened." Mrs Knight wiped a hand across her eyes and kept talking. "He didn't even understand; he just kept saying that he'd touched him and said bad things, and how he hurt all over." She gritted her teeth. "The sick bastard got the life sentence, like he deserved. But Kendall wasn't the same anymore. He used to run around like a little ray of sunshine, and then suddenly he just got quieter."

She looked the way James felt; horrified and shaken. "Then, when he was twelve, he was ambushed on his way home from school. This time nothing serious happened to him. It was sheer coincidence, but my . . . my husband was coming home from work and he passed them, and—" Mrs Knight broke off with a muffled sob. "He defended Kendall. He attacked the man, and called the cops and all. But this guy, I dunno, there was this gang he was in, and they got angry . . ." She sniffed, drying her eyes with one hand. She looked like it hurt to go on. "Th-then, they found Will's body a few days later, i-it was all burnt, and it was so awful, I couldn't even recognise him, they only knew because of his ID in his pocket, and they told me he was shot and then they _burned_ him . . ." She hid her face in her hands and started to cry. She kept talking through her hands. She couldn't seem to stop. "Kendall really changed after that. He got moody, he didn't talk to me anymore. I know he blamed himself for what happened to his dad, even though he kept denying it. He was falling apart, and I couldn't do anything!" After a moment, Kelly laid a comforting hand over hers. "I'm so sorry."

Mrs Knight tried to smile, and failed. "I didn't know what to do. When I found out he was gay, I thought it might be because of what happened to him, but I didn't say anything. I was scared to; so many things set him off really easily. He used to get so upset and angry over little things, and it worried me sick. And, when he was sixteen, he took an overdose of these sleeping pills I had. It wasn't enough to kill him, but it was obvious that's what he intended."

"Did he ever cut?"

"No. I checked for that often enough. He hates blood, anyway. I think that's why he didn't try that as suicide." Another tear streaked down Mrs Knight's face. "Then when he was nineteen, he just disappeared. He was going to go to college locally so he was still living with me for a while, but one morning I woke up and most of his things were gone, and so was he. I asked all around, but nobody had heard from him. One of my neighbours mentioned she saw him get into a truck with some guy at a gas station . . ." She pushed her hair out of her face. "But nobody knew where he was gone, and the police couldn't find him, and he didn't answer or return any of my calls or text messages. I was so scared."

James didn't even know if she was still speaking or not. Everything was echoing. He wanted to erase everything he'd heard from his mind. Or maybe make everything that had happened _un_ happen. It was just so awful. _Kendall. Wow, I guess I didn't know you as well as I thought. You lied to me about your dad. I can't say I blame you, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. I thought I knew your story, but I really don't._

James noticed a few tears falling down Katie's cheeks too. "You didn't know," he said softly, standing next to her. "Did you?"

Katie shook her head, giving a strangled sob. "I was six when my dad died. They never told me the truth. When Kendall took those pills . . . they still treated me like a little kid." She sniffed. "I was the one who found him like that. Just lying there, no note or anything. At first I was angry with him." Katie sighed. "I'm not anymore. I couldn't be. It's impossible to be mad at him for too long."

"Trust me, I know," James said before he could stop himself. Katie gave him a confused look. James bit his lip. "I'm Kendall's boyfriend."

"What? Then you can tell me what happened to him!" Katie ignored the fact that Gustavo was now telling Mrs Knight right next door. "You know she won't give me a straight answer."

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Um, I'm not really sure. I think Kendall's the only one who knows. But his pimp, Sean . . . hit him with something, knocked him out. And he cut him, too. That's really all I know."

Katie looked lost. "Pimp?" It came out as a whisper.

James mentally cursed himself and his big mouth, but he nodded. "I . . . I think you should let Kendall explain for himself. It's not my place to tell you, really. Sorry."

Katie shrugged. "It's ok, I guess. I can wait."

Suddenly Gustavo appeared, arms folded. "James! A word, please."

James left Katie and walked into the hall with him. "Yes, Gustavo?"

"Faye told me."

"She did?" James was furious. And naturally, he didn't have to ask what it was Faye had told him. "I'm gonna destroy her."

Gustavo rolled his eyes. "Don't be mad at her, dog. She did it because she was worried you were in over your head. She didn't want you to get hurt." He sighed. "Judging by what just happened to that poor hooker of yours I'd say she had good reason to worry."

James didn't say anything.

"So . . . you've been involved with Kendall this whole time?" Gustavo inquired, arms folded, eyebrows raised.

"For almost five months, now," James replied, hanging his head.

"So, when you asked me if you could help out with the Matthew Anderson case . . .?"

"Yes, it was because of him. It wasn't just because him and Matthew are friends; I was a little paranoid that the same thing would happen to Kendall."

Gustavo scowled at him. "And you never reported the fact that he has an abusive pimp?"

"Er . . . he made me promise . . ."

Gustavo looked even angrier. "Do you realise that most of your actions for the past five months are against regulations?"

"Yes, Gustavo. I'm sorry." He paused. "So . . . am I suspended?"

"I'm sure many other supervisors would fire you!" Gustavo yelled. James flinched. He loved his job. "However!" Gustavo continued (still yelling), making James look up. "You haven't been working very long, and you're one of the best CSIs on my team, so I'm gonna give you another chance. Not that you deserve it, dog!"

"Gustavo, that's great! Thank—"

"But you will not go unpunished! I'm suspending you for the next two hours!"

James was confused. "What?"

Gustavo smiled. "There's someone you need to visit at the hospital. I want you back here by five. Now, shoo!"  
  



	14. Now I'm Not So Scared of Forever

  
James was worried, and he didn't even know why. Kendall was ok, he wasn't gonna die. What more was there to worry about? Maybe it was the fact that Kendall might be angry at him for being part of the reason this happened. He might start yelling at him, or worse, he might cry and stare and James with those sad puppy eyes. He really didn't want that to happen. But the worst was that Kendall mightn't do anything, because he was in 'a state of comatose.' Did that mean he was really in a coma, or just unconscious?

The need to find the answer was what got him up to the front desk. "Hi, um . . . I'm here to visit Kendall Knight?"

"I see." She watched him carefully. "Well, I'm afraid given Kendall's condition, only family members are allowed in."

James was about to argue, when he remembered something. If there was one thing he knew about hospitals, or at least this one, was that they didn't question the law. So he reached into his jacket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "I'm with the Crime Lab; I've got a warrant." If he was correct, and he hoped he was, the receptionist wouldn't even read this month old warrant to search some old guy's house.

"Fine," she sighed. She pointed towards one of the long hallways. "Down there, second door on your left, room 8."

James hurried in the direction she'd pointed in. It wasn't long before the door of room 8 came into view. He saw Matt coming out, shutting the door and walking towards him. "James. Hi."

"Hi, Matt." James wasn't sure what to say. Then he remembered. "Oh, um, I have news. Er . . . Sean is guilty, of hurting you."

Matt sighed. "I know."

James was so shocked that for a second he didn't even understand at first. "You said you couldn't remember anything!"

"I had good reason to lie."

"Explain . . .?"

Matt sighed. "He came to visit me, when I was here. Sean, I mean. Before anyone else. At first, I didn't really understand why. I still remember what he said to me. 'Come near us again and I'll kill you. Tell anyone I did this and I'll kill Kendall.' Then he left, just like that." Matt raked a hand through his hair. "I was scared, I guess. That's why I kept my mouth shut. I knew he was well capable of killing either of us."

James nodded. He understood, oddly. "So . . . how is he?"

Matt shrugged sadly. "Dead to the world, still. But the doctor told me it's not a coma. He'll be alright."

James nodded. "How did you get in?"

"Oh, I said I was his brother," Matt replied breezily.

James chuckled. "Clever. Well, see you around, I guess." He walked towards the door of the room, took a deep breath and opened it up. There was Kendall, lying in the bed. He looked as if he were just sleeping peacefully. There was a little white band-aid on his temple where he'd been hit, and he was wearing one of those backless hospital gowns. As James sat in the chair next to his bed, he noticed that his fist was curled up and gripping the sheets tightly. After a moment of hesitation, James reached out and detached his hand from the sheet, taking it gently in his own. He hoped he was giving the blonde some little bit of comfort with this.

He felt tears build up in his eyes when Kendall suddenly squeezed his hand tightly, his head jerking slightly, eyelids fluttering, breath quickening before he fell back into his deep sleep. Was he dreaming? James wondered if it was nightmares. He thought for a moment and remembered that patients in this kind of state could probably hear everything. "Um . . . hey, Kendall. Yeah, it's me. What are you thinking about? Look, um, whatever it is, you're safe now. Nothing's gonna happen to you. I won't let it."

James sat there with him for twenty minutes, speaking a little to him, but then a nurse came in and requested he leave. James sighed, getting to his feet and letting go of Kendall's hand. "I'll come back," he said quietly, turning to go.

Then, so suddenly he was sure he'd imagined it, he heard a groan. He spun around again as the nurse hurried over towards the bed. Kendall's hand moved, lifting to rest on his stomach. The nurse placed a hand on his shoulder and opened one of his eyes. "Kendall?" She shook him lightly.

Then he shifted in the bed, eyes opening slightly. "Who're you?" he mumbled, trying to sit up only to be pushed back down by the nurse.

"Just stay still for a moment. I'm gonna have to give you a couple of quick tests, to check how you are." She turned to James, remembering he was there. "You should be going now."

James nodded, but Kendall said, "No, can he stay? Please?"

The nurse gave James a glare as if he were to blame, and sighed. "Alright. But he's to stay quiet."

"You won't even notice me," James promised, sitting down and taking Kendall's hand again. Kendall held his hand tightly, smiling nervously.

"You're ok now," James reassured him.

"I know." Kendall smiled sweetly. "Besides, you're not gonna let anything happen to me, right?"

James grinned at him, understanding, before sitting quietly. The nurse did things like checking Kendall's temperature and heartbeat, examining his eyes and asking him a few questions. Then she straightened up. "Well, you're on the road to recovery. But I think we'll keep you under observation for a day or two, just to be safe." She glanced at James when she turned to leave. "Visiting ends at five-thirty." Then she left the room, shutting the door behind her.

Kendall turned to smile at James again. "How long have you been here?"

"A while. Matt was here too." James bit his lip. "Um, Sean's going to prison. Not sure how long, but he's not getting away with it this time."

Kendall shut his eyes for a moment, sighing. "Oh."

James was just itching to say it. So he did. "Kendall?"

"Mmm?"

"I know who you are."

Kendall blinked. "What are you talking about?" he asked quietly.

"You're Kendall Knight, from Henderson. You—you went missing, and they never found you." He didn't want any more secrets. "What happened? I mean, how . . .?" He trailed off.

Kendall sighed. He looked like he really didn't want to answer, but he said, "I ran away."

"Why?" When Kendall didn't say anything, James went on. "I thought I knew so much about you, how you ticked. Maybe I do, but there's still a lot I didn't know. I mean, there's a lot more to your story than I thought. I barely even know a chapter or two, do I?"

Kendall shrugged, giving a tiny smile. "Well, nobody wants to hear a story without a happy ending, do they? How did you find out everything?"

"Police records, and . . ." James stopped. He wasn't sure if he should say just yet. ". . . stuff."

Kendall just nodded, not questioning it. Then his smile fell. "I saw him, you know," Kendall said quietly. "All burnt up like that, in the morgue. I snuck in, after my mom. I had nightmares for months. But it was nothing new." He looked down, eyes filling with tears. "And that man, that monster, from when I was a kid . . . I see him everywhere. Not just in my head; I see him on the street, on TV, I hear his voice on the radio, it never leaves me alone. I left because I couldn't take it anymore; all these looks people gave me, the pressure I always felt under."

"But why LA?"

"My uncle Nick. You know, my alibi. We kind of lost contact with some of my Dad's family, but I knew if I went to him he'd take me in, he'd help me." Kendall sighed, wiping at his eyes. "I never got to him, though. Paul did first. Next thing I knew, I was getting beaten and he wanted me to take my clothes off for money. I couldn't get away, and even if I could, I was just determined not to go back to Henderson." He swallowed. "Sean bought me, from Paul. But he was so sweet to me, he didn't beat me or starve me if I didn't do a good job like Paul would. I don't know where it all went wrong." He shut his eyes, but a tear still leaked through anyway.

James held him, wiping the tear off his cheek. "Shh. You know what? You can make your own happy ending. You'll see. Everything will be just fine." He paused, then realised what he'd said and added, "This time," with a smile.

Kendall smiled back, and kissed James lightly on the lips. Afterwards, they stared into each other's eyes and James felt something inside him change. "I . . ." He gave a nervous smile. "I've sort of realised it pretty recently; I did something stupid. It made me question just about everything about myself, turned quite a few people against me, but the funny thing is, I don't regret it in the slightest."

"What did you do?"

Another nervous smile. No turning back now. "I fell in love. With you."

There was shock and disbelief on Kendall's face. "You love me?"

James nodded, feeling determined now. "You, you don't have to say it back or anything. I just wanted you to know."

Kendall was blushing now, a shy smile on his face. He looked up at James again, and said, "So, you love me? Like, seriously?"

"Uh huh."

"Well. Good." Kendall smiled shyly. He didn't want to say it, but James could live with that. Judging by what he'd heard, love didn't seem to be something he was familiar with. Then the blonde's head jerked towards the door. James turned around when he heard the door open. Mrs Knight and Katie appeared in the room.

"Kendall!" Mrs Knight was crying, a huge smile on her face as she hurried towards him. "Oh, Kendall, you're safe . . . thank God you're alright."

"Mom, what are you doing here?" He looked shaken and shocked. James really couldn't tell if he was happy they were here or not. He looked at Katie. "Um . . . hi, Katie."

"Hey," she smiled back. "What's up?"

Kendall smiled shyly at them; it was almost as if they were all meeting for the first time. Mrs Knight swallowed. "I was so worried. For so long."

"What? Worried?" Suddenly Kendall's eyes were wide and tearful. "You're not mad at me?" He sounded like a little kid.

"No, of course not!" Mrs Knight smiled at him, then suddenly threw herself on top of him, hugging him tightly.

Then Kendall's face was buried in his mom's shoulder, and the shaking indicated that he was crying too. "Oh, Mom, I'm sorry," he sobbed, clutching her tighter. "I shouldn't have run off, it was such a stupid thing to do . . ."

"Yes, it was. But it's ok, all that matters is that I have you back now. I'm never letting you do anything stupid again."

Kendall laughed through his tears, looking at Katie. "You're not mad at me either?"

Katie shook her head, moving over to hug him too. "I couldn't be. Not possible."

The rest of the afternoon was spent there, but James kissed Kendall goodbye at 4:45, and drove back to work. When he got back, he was furious to hear that Sean was only sentenced to twelve months. "I had no say," Gustavo said patiently. "The point is, he's not gonna bother either of you again."

James begrudgingly accepted it and resumed his work. He went to visit Kendall on his lunch break the next day, and the day after that. Then Kendall was released from hospital. James picked him up after work and drove him back to Sean's house. They spent the next thirty minutes packing up all his stuff. Eric had already left—having been offered a place as Matt's flatmate, which Kendall wished him the best of luck with—as had Derek and Adam after buying their own apartment. "I guess I'll have to find a place too," Kendall said half to himself as he zipped the last bag shut.

"I've already found you a place," James said in a 'duh' voice. "With me."

Kendall looked unsure. "What about Faye and Summer?"

"There was room when Carlos lived there, you'll have room too."

"No, I mean . . . they don't like me. I don't wanna intrude."

"You're not intruding," James said firmly as he carried the last bag out to the car.

Kendall and James shared his and Carlos's room; they pushed the two single beds together and spent almost every evening in there away from the girls, either talking, or kissing, or having sex, or just lying there in silence. However, one night James came home from work to find Kendall and Summer watching _Glee_ together and chatting happily. But Faye still generally avoided him, and he did the same to her. James hoped the ice would break eventually.

One night Faye and Summer went out clubbing with some friends, so they had the apartment to themselves. Kendall was sitting on the couch going through some report for college and James was doing the washing-up from dinner. James was putting the last plate away as Kendall was closing up his folder and leaving it on the coffee table. "What do you wanna do now?" James asked, already able to think of a few ideas himself.

"Would you be terribly upset if I just wanted to cuddle?" Kendall asked with a smile.

James grinned and walked over to the couch, sitting down and taking Kendall in his arms. They lay back, Kendall's head resting on James's chest. James kissed him on the head softly. "I love you."

There came that shy smile again. "Good," Kendall replied, cheeks darkening.

James smiled to himself. "College is going well for you, I take it?"

"It's great. I mean, it's not perfect, but I love it anyway. And you, with your saving the world? How's that going?"

"Saving the world?" James chuckled. "That's a little exaggerated for me; I look at blood samples and interview people."

"Hey, every bit counts."

James kissed him as a reply, then they were silent for a second. Kendall gave a small laugh, "I've made a lot of mistakes, been a total idiot, but I . . . I did one thing that was really, really stupid. It almost got me killed and had me lying to just about everyone I know. But I don't regret it."

James thought he knew where this was going, but he didn't want to hope for too much. "What did you do?"

"I fell in love with you," Kendall replied with a giggle.

James grinned and kissed him again, rolling them over. "Love you too."

Faye and Summer came home at three in the morning to find them asleep on the couch. "Unbelievable," Faye sighed, shaking her head at them.

"Lighten up," Summer replied with a roll of her eyes as she hung her jacket up. "Kendall makes James happy. Deal with it."

"Yeah, but how long will it last?"

Summer just shrugged. "Guess we'll find out."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here are three extra chapters I decided to write but they're not necessary really. Here are the songs I used when I wrote the chapters:
> 
> 1\. Enchanted - Taylor Swift  
> 2\. Two is better than one - Boys like Girls  
> 3\. Beside you - Marianas Trench  
> 4\. Can't be tamed - Miley Cyrus  
> 5\. The Rose - Bette Midler  
> 6\. Something about the sunshine - Anna Margaret  
> 7\. Run - Snow Patrol  
> 8\. Into the rush - Aly & AJ (i might as well have joined the damn Disney Channel cast I had so much from them -_-)  
> 9\. I caught myself - Paramore  
> 10\. Faithfully - Journey  
> 11\. Love the way you lie part 2 - Rihanna  
> 12\. The man who can't be moved - The Script (duh)  
> 13\. Eric's song - Vienna Teng (this song *cries*)  
> 14\. Better - Katelyn Tarver.


	15. Working it Out

  
"Carlos, I don't know about this."

"Why not? I don't see what the problem is—"

"They're very important people and I don't want them too look down on me . . ."

"It's just my family, Logan."

"Exactly!" Logan sat down on his and Carlos's bed, sighing. "They're your family, and they're important! What if they don't like me? I mean, what if they look at my last occupation and think, 'We can't let our son date that!'?"

"They won't," Carlos reassured him, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "I explained why you were in that position, and they accepted it. They really wanna meet you, Logie."

Logan bit his lip. "But . . ."

"No buts. They've invited us to dinner tomorrow night, and we're going. They'll love you, I promise."

Logan was still doubtful, but he sighed and said, "Ok, fine." then he paused, eyes widening in panic. "What'll I wear?"

The next evening, Logan was biting on his nails all the way to the Garcias' house, a bad habit he'd picked up from Kendall. "Relax," Carlos told him over and over again, holding his hand as he drove. But Logan couldn't relax; he was freaking out. What if Carlos's family really didn't like him? Would they convince the Latino to dump him? He loved Carlos; he didn't know what he'd do if that happened. Maybe cry for a few hours. Or die. Either one.

Suddenly the car was stopping outside a large, pleasant looking apartment block. Logan had to be pulled out of the car by the arm, through the lobby and into the elevator. "Carli, I think I'm gonna throw up," Logan whispered.

Carlos gave him a sympathetic smile, kissing him softly. "It'll be fine, Logie. I swear on my life that it'll be fine."

Logan shut his eyes in a grimace as the elevator doors opened and Carlos led him out by the hand. They walked down the hallway and stopped in front of one of the doors. Carlos knocked on it, squeezing Logan's hand gently.

Then the door opened, and a Hispanic woman appeared at the door. A huge smile appeared on her face. "Carlos! Come in!"

Carlos walked in, tugging Logan along with him. "Hey, Mom." They hugged, then Mrs Garcia turned to Logan with an equally large smile. "So, you're Logan?"

Logan nodded, with a nervous smile. Maybe this would go well after all.

 

* * *

Carlos fumbled uselessly with his bow-tie, grumbling under his breath. Stupid thing. Why did this party have to be so formal? "Damn you," he snarled at his reflection, which just glared back at him with the same stupid open bow-tie dangling from it's neck.

He hear a chuckled, and in the mirror he spotted his boyfriend Logan appear at the door. He smiled fondly at him, forgetting about his cursed outfit for a moment. "Hey, babe."

Logan just laughed at him, walking over. "Carlos, did I hear you talking to yourself?"

"It's this thing's fault!" Carlos protested before he could stop himself, pointing at his bow-tie accusingly.

Logan giggled, taking hold of either end of the bow-tie and starting to fold mover and tie knots deftly. "You just need some practice, sweetie. Don't blame the clothes because you can't figure them out."

Carlos sighed. "Fine, fine. But I still hate it. I'm just wearing a normal tie next time."

"Fine by me." Logan kissed him on the nose. "I think you look hot in a tux, but what do I know? Have fun at the party, honey."

"It's a work party, Logie," Carlos sighed. "I'm not sure that's possible."

I'm sure it is. And I'm always right."

"Hey, if I remember correctly, I'm right pretty often too."

Logan just rolled his eyes and pushed Carlos towards the door. "Go, now. You'll enjoy yourself."

 

* * *

 

"I got a promotion!" James roared, hurrying into the apartment. Summer and Faye followed behind, shutting the door after them.

Kendall appeared jumped up from his place sitting on the couch. "You're kidding!" His face lit up as he walked over to the three of them. "What kind?"

"I'm an assistant supervisor now!" James replied happily, bouncing on his toes. "I get my own office and everything!"

"Congrats, Jamie," Kendall grinned as the brunette wrapped his arms around him. "You deserve it."

"Thanks, baby," James grinned, leaning in to kiss him.

Faye was making a face at them, and turned on her heel to walk towards her room. "I'm going to bed!"

"I'll go too," Summer added, winking meaningfully at them as she left.

James turned to smile at Kendall, kissing him again. "I love you."

"Love you too," Kendall smiled back, running his fingers through James's hair.

They went and sat on the couch, Kendall leaning in against James's chest. "I'll be getting a raise now," James said happily. "It won't be much, but maybe now we'll get closer to affording our own place."

Kendall hummed contentedly, pressing a kiss to James's neck. "That'd be nice. It'll still take a good couple months more, though."

"I know," James sighed. "We'll just have to wait, I guess."

Kendall nodded, though inside he was thinking. Getting their own apartment would be amazing. Once they got enough money. Once James earned enough. Kendall couldn't help feeling kind of . . . useless. There he was, sitting at a desk in college while James was out earning their money. And even after they bought the apartment, there'd still be the cost of furniture and everything . . .

Having now decided that he wasn't just gonna be some lazy housewife, Kendall leaned up and kissed James. "You must be really happy with your promotion, baby." He got up off the couch and pulled James up, holding onto the collar of his shirt with one hand as he pulled his tie off with the other. "Want me to make you happier?"

The next evening, when Kendall got back from school, the first thing he did was shower. Once he was done that, he started to get dressed into a dark blue shirt, buttoning it up with a couple at the top left hanging open. He pulled on those little black shorts, and his black boots. He'd combed his hair until the dark blonde bangs hung neatly across his forehead. He grabbed his messenger bag, scribbled a quick note and taped it to the refrigerator where James would see it, then left the apartment.

It had certainly been a while since he'd done this; walking the streets like he owned them, watching for someone to prey on. He found a hotel that seemed a likely spot; he could see all the slot machines and pool tables inside, along with the hordes of people, both drunk and sober standing around outside. He looked around, and spotted a man with dark hair all alone, standing with his back to him. Kendall walked over to him. He put a hand on his shoulder, and had to stand up a little on tiptoe to whisper in his ear. "Hey, baby. You wanna party?"

The guy turned around, smiling a little when he saw Kendall. "Hmm. Party with you? I like that idea," he said in a Southern drawl.

Kendall smiled. "You from Texas?" When he nodded, Kendall said, "So, you're all cowboys and horses?" He paused, licking his lips. "I'll be your cowboy. Want me to ride you?"

The stranger grinned. "Can I bring some friends along?"

"As many as you want."

 

* * *

When James got home from work at nine, he went to get a drink and saw a piece of paper attached to the refrigerator. He pulled it off, reading through it quickly. _Hey Jamie, went out with some friends. Don't bother waiting up, I'll be back late :) —Kendall xx_

  
James smiled to himself, and went to sit down on the couch, turning on the TV and switching to a channel playing _Back to the Future_. The movie dragged on, then the second part of the series started. James found himself yawning tiredly, and before he knew it, he was asleep. He woke up again with a start as he heard the apartment door opening. He half sat up, running a hand through his hair tiredly. Then his eyes widened when he looked over the back of the couch and saw Kendall walking in.

His jaw dropped at the sight of him. Kendall in those little shorts, most of his long pale legs on display. There were scratches on his thighs, and a little bruising too. He was walking funny, limping slightly as he went and sat at the table, eyelids drooping as he yawned. His shirt was only a little over half buttoned up, and James could see a few top buttons were missing or broken. His hair was dishevelled, and he had a large scratch on his neck. Then he seemed to spot James for the first time. At first he looked surprised, then he gave an awkward smile. "Um . . . hi."

James leaped off the couch, walking over to him. "Kenny, what happened to you?" He feared the worst, that Kendall had been attacked on his way home, or that someone had been following him around, being annoying and persistent, or . . .

Then Kendall reached into the bag and pulled out a stack of bills held together by a little elastic band. He placed it on the table in front of James. James took it hesitantly, taking the band off and starting to count the money. There were some fifty dollar bills, a couple of twenties, even some two dollar bills. In the end it all added up to— "Kendall, there's almost six thousand dollars here! How did you get this?"

Kendall didn't say anything. Then James realised. He felt as if there were a rigging in his ears, or as if he were falling down a deep, deep hole. Maybe both. "Kendall," he said quietly. "You told me you were going to stop."

"I am," Kendall replied.

"Oh yeah? When?"

"Now. Tonight was my last, I promise." Kendall looked sincere."So, can we just forget about this now?"

"Nope. We're going to talk about it."

"What?" Kendall groaned. "But James, I'm exhausted! I just wanna go to bed."

"Well, that's your fault. Anyway, it's important that we talk of you're gonna keep doing this. We need to keep the trust," James said firmly. "So, tell me exactly everything that you did to make this much money."

Kendall looked at him like he'd lost his mind. Then sighed and looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he spoke. "Well, first there was this guy, a couple years older than me, I think. He was a Texan. He was on vacation here with three of his friends, so I went with him to their hotel room . . ."

James grimaced at the thought. "Did you sleep with all of them?"

Kendall nodded. "I danced for them a little first. Then they all took turns . . . anyway, I got two thousand for that. Afterwards I went and sucked some guy off in the hotel bathroom, I got a hundred for that, then I went and did the same thing another three times, another three hundred. Um . . . then I was outside and this guy pulled up, he was like, at least forty. I went back to his house with him. We had sex two or three times, he gave me eight hundred." He giggled. "Then his wife came home. That was kind of funny, he had me sneak out the back door, then he gave me extra cash for a taxi. I went back to the hotel, then went and had sex with a guy in his car, it was a Porsche, I think. Six hundred. Then, er, there were two men who wanted me to join in with them. I got eight hundred for that, but then one of them called me back when the other was gone to get food or something, and we had sex again. He gave me four hundred for that. Then I went and blew two more guys, another three hundred. Then I came back here." He stopped.

James just sat there, astounded. The ringing was getting louder. "You were kept busy," he managed to say at last. He ran a hand through his hair, trying not to sound to angry or accusing (which he was) when he said, "Why did you do it? Is it like, I dunno, some addiction of yours?"

"No!" Kendall relied quickly. "James, I . . ." He sighed. "I want us to have our own place, too. But it's gonna take a while, and you're there working so hard to make it happen and I feel bad because I'm just sitting in school all day doing nothing useful—"

"Hey, don't say that. It's gonna be useful."

"Yeah, but right now it's not doing any good! And . . . look, being a slut, it's how I earned my money for the past three years. It's what I'm good at, and I wanted to help." He bit his lip. "I did it for us, Jamie."

James, oddly enough, believed every word. He smiled at Kendall, who grinned back and said, "So, can we go to bed now?"

James smiled and nodded, getting up. As Kendall stood up too, he winced and let out a little squeak of pain. James smiled sympathetically at him as they walked—well, James walked, Kendall limped—into their room. "I don't know how you could do that every night."

Kendall laughed. "Babe, I wouldn't even have done half of that on a normal night."

They got changed and fell into bed, Kendall curling up in James's arms. "Tomorrow evening we'll go hunt for an apartment, then we'll go find furniture," James murmured into his hair as he shut his eyes.

"Mmm, I look forward to it," Kendall sighed sleepily, snuggling closer to him.

"Love you, baby," James whispered, smiling to himself.

Kendall had already passed out.  
  



	16. Holding On

  
When James woke up in the morning Kendall was still asleep. He wouldn't have bothered him, but he looked at the clock and saw they both needed to get up. He leaned over Kendall and started pressing little kisses to his neck and cheeks. "Wakey wakey, babe," he murmured, running a hand through his hair. Their third week in their new home together; it was amazing, and everything he'd wanted. He didn't have to worry about Faye anymore, and they had a lot more privacy—a definite plus side.

Kendall groaned and opened his eyes, blinking dazedly when he saw James's face so close to his. "Hi," he said quietly, rubbing at his eyes. "Hey, today is Monday, right?"

"Uh huh." James kissed Kendall gently before getting out of bed. "We've got places to be."

"Mmm. Ok." Kendall's eyes darkened as he crawled out of bed too. James didn't question it and went into the kitchen of the apartment, taking out a box of cereal, a bowl and the carton of milk.

He got his breakfast ready and was grabbing a spoon and perching on the table with his food when Kendall emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed in a baggy pair of jeans and an even baggier t-shirt. He went and grabbed a drink of water, gulping it down and dumping the glass on the counter. He seemed angry and sullen, and this puzzled James as he watched the blonde reach for his jacket on the rack by the door.

"Kendall, are you ok?" James asked. "You should eat something."

"I'm fine," Kendall replied quickly, smiling widely. "Just fine. I'm eating later. And, um, I'm gonna go to college now, I'll see you later." He kissed James goodbye and hurried away, leaving the apartment within moments.

James, wondering what had just happened, ate his breakfast and got ready for work. All day he wondered why Kendall was acting so strange and distant. It was only when he got a phone call near the end of his shift that he found out.

He picked up to an unfamiliar number. "Hello?"

_"James, hi. It's Jennifer Knight. You know, Kendall's mother."_

"Oh yeah! Um, PD gave you my number, right?"

_"Yes. Um, I was calling to ask about Kendall. He isn't answering his phone; I think he's avoiding me."_

"Oh. Well, um, why would he be doing that?"

He heard a sigh. _"It's that day of the year again, that's why."_  
  
"Um . . . which day . . .?"

 _"Oh. You didn't know? I guess Kendall wouldn't have told you. He's the suffer-in-silence type."_ There was a pause. _"This is the day his father was murdered, ten years ago."_  
  
"Oh, gosh." James did not know that, at all. "Well, he was kind of quiet today . . ."

 _"Oh, well, that's not surprising. He and Will were always so close, a lot closer than he and I were, really. Actually, if I'm honest I wasn't around so much. And if I was, I tended to prioritise Katie, with her being the youngest and all."_  
  
"And you and your husband . . ." James felt awkward having this conversation with her. "Were you close?"

Jennifer's answer seemed reluctant _."Look, my husband and I . . . we were friends for a long time, and I think we were better off that way. The only reason we stuck together was for our kids."_ James heard a sigh on the other end. _"There was even an . . . affair at one point. So, Will wasn't even Katie's father. Kendall doesn't know, and mind you, I plan to keep it that way."_ Another pause. _"Maybe that's why Kendall was so much closer to him. I don't know, really."_

"And how are you holding up, Mrs Knight?" James asked.  
 _  
"I'm ok, I suppose. Aren't we all upset when we've lost our best friend?"_ James heard a sniffle, then, _"James, please make sure my baby's ok."_  
  
James bit his lip, "I will, don't worry."

When the call ended, James had to stand still for a moment. Now he understood why Kendall had been so quiet in the morning. He could've kicked himself for not realising sooner. James rushed getting home, taking the stairs up to the apartment simply to save half a minute.

After unlocking the door, James walked into his and Kendall's bedroom. He stopped short at the sight of Kendall lying on their bed, curled up in a ball. He was sobbing and shaking. Then he looked up and saw James there. His eyes widened and he sat up, drying his eyes quickly with his sleeve. "James, h-hi." His voice shook as he added, "I was just . . ."

". . . crying," James cut in, walking over to the bed. "I'm not an idiot." James sat down next to him. "Baby, I know what day it is. Your mom called me."

Kendall didn't say anything, hugging his knees and resting his chin on them as he continued to cry. "I really miss him," he said quietly.

James didn't know what to say.

"Sometimes, when I'm feeling really . . . lost, I sort of talk to him in my head," Kendall whispered. "He always answers me, tells me what to do." He sniffed, wiping his eyes. "And sometimes, I have this dream where . . . the whole thing was just a big misunderstanding, that it was someone else's dad they found, not mine, and that I actually have a chance of seeing him again." He finally looked at James, tears silently falling down his cheeks. "Am I totally crazy, Jamie?"

He looked so unhappy and vulnerable that it broke James's heart. He pulled Kendall into a hug, holding him close as the blonde cried into his chest. "No, you're not," he murmured, hoping he wouldn't cry himself. Seeing his love so distressed had a surprising effect on him. "You just love him. And you miss him; that's understandable. Your mom, she told me how close you were. It's like me and my mom, or my sister . . ." He held Kendall closer, stroking his hair gently. "There's nothing wrong with hoping, and still thinking about him."

Kendall clung to his shirt, weeping hysterically even as James finished speaking. James sat there for a while, holding him until his crying died down a little. Kendall looked up at him, lips trembling slightly. "I love you so much," he whispered, still looking so broken it hurt James to see it.

"I love you too," James replied with a smile. He hugged Kendall tighter. "When you're upset, don't try to hide it from me, ok? I want to be here for you. We all do. You're not alone."

Kendall nodded, giving a small smile. "I know."

 

* * *

"I have news!" Logan called as he skipped into the apartment.

"What is it?" Carlos asked, standing up to walk over to him.

Logan was silent for a moment, as if he wanted to build up the suspense.

"Logan, just tell me!"

"I got a job!" Logan screamed, face glowing as he gave Carlos a huge hug.

"You're kidding! What kind?" Carlos asked, grinning in delight.

"An assistant job in a doctor's office! It's only for an hour or two a day when I'm not in class, but I'm on my way!"

Carlos smiled delightedly at him. "I'm so happy for you! You really deserve it."

Logan gave him a kiss and another hug. "Thanks, Carli." He paused. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"I want you to meet my family too."

Carlos's eyes bulged out of his head. "W-what?"  
  



	17. Keeping it Together

  
Halloween had always been one of James's favourite holidays. He loved the idea of pretending to be something or someone he wasn't for just one night. And of course, because he was only human, he had loved all the candy when he was younger. Tonight, James was going to some club Logan had discovered. He was going with Logan and Carlos, and of course Kendall as well. He couldn't wait.

"Kendall, are you sure you can't come with me now?" James asked one more time, tying his bow tie with fumbling fingers. He stuffed his gun into his belt, because it was Halloween in a big city, after all. He wasn't totally naive.

"Sorry, Jamie," Kendall said with a sigh. "This interview could get me the job I really want. I know it's an inconvenient time, but I have to go. I'll see you in, maybe an hour. I'm gonna be back here to change and then I'll take a cab over."

"Alright," James said with a sigh, kissing Kendall goodbye. "You couldn't at least tell me what you're going as?" he called last minute, but the apartment door had already shut.

When James went to the club, there were already some wasted men and women outside. He passed them and made it inside, looking around for Carlos and Logan. He spotted them at one of the low tables by the wall sitting on the comfy couches and talking. Every now and then they glanced around, probably looking for him or Kendall. James walked over to them. "Hey, guys," he grinned, sitting down across from them.

"Hi," they both greeted at the same time.

Logan was wearing a pair of red skinny jeans and a tight black button-down shirt, along with a pair of little red horns on his head. "You're a devil, Logan?" James said with a grin. "And Carlos is your zombie sidekick."

Carlos laughed at that, pulling at his ripped jacket and shirt. "Very funny."

"I wanted to be a sexy doctor, but Carlos wouldn't let me," Logan said, pouting. "I had to improvise."

"Well, there's no point in dressing up as what you are on a daily basis," Carlos said, laughing at Logan's blushing face.

"What are you, anyway?" Logan asked, turning back to James.

"I'm James Bond, duh," James said, flashing a thousand-watt grin at them before adjusting his shirt collar and bow tie.

"How original," Carlos commented dully.

"Hey, it's very original! How many guys called James do you know who actually used this costume!"

"Touché," Carlos replied, chuckling and wrapping an arm around Logan's shoulders. "Where's Kendall?"

"He told me he'd be here late, he had a job interview," James replied, glancing at his watch. "Actually, he should be here soon enough."

"He never told me he had an interview!" Logan said, looking offended.

"I dunno, maybe he's just feeling shy about it . . ."

Carlos shrugged, then he seemed to spot something behind James, and smacked the brunette in the chest, pointing. "Dude, he's here."

James turned around. Kendall had just walked through the door, looking around to see if he could spot anyone familiar. He was wearing black leather shorts and knee high boots. There were little black suspenders over the tight dark grey shirt he was wearing that was like _half buttoned up_ , dammit. There were black cat ears posed cutely in his blonde hair. He spotted them and smiled, waving and walking over. James spotted more than a couple of heads turning as he strutted over to them, hips swaying.

"James, you're drooling."

"What?" James wiped at his mouth indignantly, glaring at Carlos for a second. "No I'm not!"

He quickly turned away from them, and grinned as Kendall stopped in front of him, giving him a quick kiss. "Hey."

"Hi," James replied, unable to keep his eyes directed at one spot for more than three seconds. "How was the interview?"

"Good, I think. I hope so, anyway. It went a lot quicker than I expected." Kendall smiled and waved at Carlos and Logan.

Logan hopped up to his feet, eying Kendall's costume with amused eyes. "So, you're Kendall the kitty cat?"

"Duh," Kendall replied, rolling his eyes. "And you're Logan the little devil."

Logan rolled his eyes too and grabbed Kendall by the hand, turning to lead him away. "We expect you two to dance with us later!" he called over his shoulder as they walked off into the crowd.

James and Carlos both laughed. "Well, we're two lucky bastards, aren't we?" Carlos said with a smile.

"Definitely," James agreed as he watched Kendall dance. Jesus, he could really move. Then James suddenly stiffened, going into Jealous-Boyfriend mode as he saw some random guy dressed as Austin Powers come up behind him, resting a hand on his hip and turning him around to face him. He said something to Kendall with a stupid cocky grin in his face. When Kendall shook his head at him the guy stepped a little closer, saying something else James didn't understand. Then Kendall leaned forward and whispered something in his ear, before turning away from him. When the Austin Powers wannabe walked away with a smile on his face, James instantly began thinking of all the possible things Kendall could have said to him.

"James, relax." James turned to see Carlos staring at him, looking both disapproving and amused. "Nothing's gonna happen."

"But I don't know what he said!" James argued. "It could've been like 'I'm not interested', or 'I'll see you later', or even 'I don't have a boyfriend, I'm totally available!'"

Carlos stared at him like he was insane. " _Or_ ," he said. "It was 'Not interested, but I think the chick over there is.'" Carlos pointed to where an angel was now happily talking and dancing with Austin Powers. "But if you're so worried, why don't we go and dance with them now?"

"Ok," James said with a sigh, getting up. Carlos was right, he had to stop being possessive and jealous. He'd probably end up driving Kendall away if he kept it up. "Hey," he greeted, tapping Kendall on the shoulder. "We're here."

Kendall turned around to face him, laughing. "You don't seem enthusiastic, babe."

"I'm not a dancer," James said with a shrug. "Neither is Carlos."

"Fair enough," Kendall said with a shrug. "But, do you think we could convert you?"

He wound his arms around James's neck, beginning to sway his hips in time to the music. James tried to dance along with him, but he was mostly too busy watching him. When Kendall's hands moved from around his neck to run down his chest as he bent his knees and moved his hips to brush against James's, James took a deep, shaky breath and tried to control himself. He danced for a little while, copying some of Kendall's more simple movements.

The blonde seemed to enjoy it, because he laughed and then suddenly turned around, grinding his ass back against James's crotch. James bit his lip and instinctively grabbed hold of his hips, moving along with him. He could get used to this. Kendall moved against him, head leaning back slightly against James's shoulder. James pressed a couple of kisses to his neck, before joining their lips together, Kendall turning back around to face him. They kissed a little sloppily, tongues clashing for a moment or two before the both pulled back. "Sex kitten," James couldn't help murmuring.

Kendall laughed, having obviously heard him. He glanced over his shoulder at where the bar was, then looked back at James. "I'm gonna get a drink, do you want one?" he asked.

"Nah, I'm good," James replied, and watched Kendall walk away. He spotted those shorts riding up a little to reveal the curve of his ass and had to turn away, biting his lip in slight discomfort.

A minute or two later, Logan went up to the bar to get a drink too. Just before he got it, a man walked up to him, greeting him with a smirk and a, "You got a minute, shorty?"

"Don't call me that," Logan muttered, before adding. "What do you want?"

"Your friend over there, actually," the man said, pointing to where Kendall was leaning on the bar. "I saw you with him before. Think you'd put in a good word for me?"

"He's not interested," Logan replied bluntly, picking up his drink and straightening up. He looked at the guy's olive skin and ridiculously perfect hair. "You look a lot like his boyfriend, actually," he added. "Who's a cop, by the way. You know, the kind that carry guns around and arrest people who bother them? He's dating one of those." Logan turned away to walk back to Carlos. "Don't waste your time."

Kendall was sitting on one of the stools waiting for his drink when a man appeared next to him. "Hey, blondie. You busy?"

"I have a boyfriend," Kendall replied, not even glancing at him. He got his drink and was about to leave when the man grabbed hold of his arm to stop him.

"Yeah, the cop, I get it," the man said with a roll of his eyes. "The dude over there told me," he added, pointing.

Kendall turned away for a moment to see Logan a distance away. He turned back and said, "Well then, why are you here?"

"Well, the cop doesn't have to know, does he?" the man said with a smirk.

"He's here, genius."

"And? You could just blend into the crowd. Though that might be a little difficult for you—"

Kendall gave an exasperated sigh, shaking his arm out of the guy's grip. "I'm done talking to you," he deadpanned, taking a gulp of his drink before walking away. His drink tasted kind of funny, but he thought nothing of it.

James turned to Carlos. "Do you really think I'm too jealous of everyone?"

"A little," Carlos replied guiltily. "I mean, if Kendall wants to be with you, he's not gonna play around with other guys. I think. That makes sense, doesn't it?"

"It does with most people," James corrected him. "Not prostitutes. We're sort of in the same boat here, Carlitos."

Carlos shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not."

James looked around to see if he could spot Kendall anywhere. It had been a good twenty minutes since he went to the bar. Then he did spot him, and his mouth fell open. Kendall was sitting on one of the couches with a man wearing a black suit. He had dark brown hair and tan skin. Kendall was seated in his lap, and they were kissing messily, the man's hands gripping the backs of Kendall's thighs. Kendall was holding a drink in one hand, and the man pulled back only to take Kendall's wrist and guide the drink towards his lips, encouraging the blonde to gulp more of it down.

"James, what are you staring at?" Carlos asked, moving to stand next to him. Then he saw, his own expression changing. "Oh my God."

James nodded dumbly.

"Maybe he thinks it's you," Carlos said lamely after a moment of silence. "It is pretty dark in here."

"Don't make excuses for him," James replied bitterly. "He doesn't deserve it." Being angry was the only way he could hold down the hurt, the heartbreak. He turned away, trying to calm his breathing. It really, really stung. And Carlos had said he had no reason to be paranoid. Ha. There was the proof, right there. He wasn't even sure where he was going until he realised he was walking towards the door, frequently held up by other partygoers in his way.

Then Logan appeared in front of him, speaking quickly and frantically. "James, where are you going? You can't leave yet!"

"Logan, I'm just gonna go home," he said with an exhausted sigh. "I don't want to see . . . _that_." He pointed in the direction of where he'd seen Kendall.

He turned to leave again, but Logan stepped in front of him. "James, did you know that date rape drugs can cause strange delusions and make someone completely unaware of what they're doing under its influence?"

"Yes, I knew that. Why does it matter?" James asked exasperatedly. "Are you thinking of spiking a drink?"

"James, this is serious," Logan persisted. "I think that guy drugged Kendall."

"Look, I don't—hold on. What?" James's eyes widened. This was not something he's expected. "What makes you say that?"

"I saw him, there, offering this other guy GHB to use," Logan said urgently. "I heard him say it. He took Kendall with him afterwards, down that way." Logan pointed towards a door at the end, over by the little stage. "I tried to stop him, but I got caught behind someone, then I couldn't see them, I'm so sorry—"

"It's ok," James reassured him, because Logan seemed to be on the verge of tears. "You tried. Can you go find Carlos, tell him what you told me? I'm gonna go back there."

His mood having changed suddenly and dramatically, it didn't take James long to get to the door; his anger seemed to clear a path through all the people. _Drugged_. No, that was _not ok_ , not on his watch. He stormed through the door, only to find a long, badly lit hallway. He set off down it, with no idea where he was going but a lot of determination. He pushed past one or two people who were totally wasted, others who were just hanging around.

"Hey, it's James Bond," one of them said jokingly. Close enough, James thought with a roll of his eyes. But he was _James fucking Diamond_ and he was majorly pissed.

"Hey!" he said quickly as he walked over to a woman dressed as a hula girl and texting by the wall. "I'm looking for this guy, looks a lot like me, but in a suit. With a blonde guy, probably. You seen him?"

"Oh. Um, yeah, I think so. A blonde kitty cat, right?" When James nodded, she pointed down the hallway. "Around the next left."

"What's down there? A back door?"

"No, a couple of bedrooms and stuff."

"Thank you," James said to her, before hurrying on. He was just turning the corner when he heard a scream. A scream of pain and fear. And he recognised that voice. His anger rose even further, if that was possible. He threw open the first door to see nobody there. He heard another scream and made his way towards another door. It was slightly ajar, so he could open it without making any noise. He froze in the doorway, suddenly unsure of what to do.

Kendall was lying on the bed, wrists tied to the bedposts. His eyes were only half open, and he was breathing deeply but unevenly. His shirt was hanging completely open, and there were red marks on his stomach and chest. James wondered for a moment or two how he got them. The guy from before was kneeling next to him, his jacket and shirt off. He was holding his black belt in his hand. For a second James could only stand there, watching with wide eyes. Then he saw the man raise his hand, before bringing it down swiftly and whipping Kendall's stomach with the belt. Kendall screamed, tears streaming down his cheeks. But he didn't move.

"Yeah, you like that, don't you?" The man hit him again, running his other hand over Kendall's cheek. "Little sex kitten. Little masochistic bitch!"

Kendall shook his head, screaming again when the man harshly yanked a chunk of his hair out. "P-please stop," he sobbed, chest rising and falling erratically. "Jay . . . please—"

 _Dear God, he thinks that asshole is **me**_ , James thought in horror. This was what made him move more than anything. He stormed over to them, grabbed the stranger by the shoulder and shoved him off the bed and onto the floor. "Get the fuck away from him!" he yelled furiously.

The man laughed at him, getting to his feet. "Do you wanna make me?" In a flash, his hand snapped forward again and the belt struck Kendall's thigh. When the blonde screamed again at the contact and his flesh turned red, James lost it.

He pulled his handgun out of his belt, pointing directly at the man. "Touch him again, and I'll put a hole in your head, you asshole!" He was so angry there was a ringing in his ears. He couldn't think straight.

The man laughed again, though a little nervously this time. "Yeah right, I bet that's not even loaded. If it's even real."

"Do you wanna test that theory?" James demanded, stepping a little closer to him, and grinning madly when the other man shrank back a little. "Go on, give me a reason to shoot you. I'm waiting."

The man didn't say anything. But he dropped the belt and moved away from the bed slightly. James smiled. "That's more like it." Then, quick as lightning, the gun spun in his hand and he whacked the man in the side of his head with the butt of the gun. He dropped without another word, unconscious. James gave a long deep sigh to calm himself down, before making his way toward the bed.

Kendall was lying there, practically hyperventilating at this point. But he still wasn't trying to move. James quickly untied both his wrists. "Kendall, can you hear me?"

Kendall's eyes were wide and unfocused as he turned to look at James. He didn't say anything for a moment, then he slurred, "Don't t-touch me!" when James tried to sit him up. James ignored him, lifting him up and leaning him against the headboard, fastening a couple of buttons on his shirt.

"James?"

James turned to see Logan and Carlos standing at the door. Logan was crying. "Is he ok?" he asked frantically. "What happened?"

James didn't want to tell him. He pulled,his car keys out of his pocket and tossed them at Carlos, who caught them deftly. "Can you get my car? They have a back door somewhere; if you can find that, we'll meet you outside."

Carlos nodded and left as James lifted the feebly struggling Kendall up bridal style, turning to Logan. "Can you find the back door?"

"I'll ask around," Logan replied, nodding and wiping his eyes. He was gone for a minute or two, and when he came back he led James down the main hallway, then a right turn to the door. They waited outside for a few minutes, shivering slightly until Carlos pulled up in James's car. He got out as James placed Kendall in the passenger seat, strapping him in.

He got into the driver's seat as Carlos said, "We're gonna get our own car. We'll stop by, ok?"

James nodded. The drive home was silent, considering Kendall had passed out in the passenger's seat. Getting him up to the apartment was surprisingly easy. He lay him down on their bed, sitting next to him until he heard the knock on the door. He let Carlos and Logan in with a resigned, "Hey."

Logan immediately hurried to where Kendall was. James and Carlos stayed behind. James sat on the couch, Carlos sitting next to him and putting a comforting arm around his shoulders. "James, talk to me. Something's on your mind."

"I feel so guilty," James whispered, feeling tears build up in his eyes.

"Why? You were upset, you didn't know what really happened . . ."

"No. You don't understand," James said numbly. "I was so mad, I was just gonna leave him there with that . . . _creep_."

"James, this is neither of your faults," Carlos said firmly. "It's a pretty simple catastrophe; GHB slipped into Kendall's drink when he's not looking. Causes delusions and relaxation; the guy already looked enough like you, it didn't take much. So, to Kendall, he's with you and things are just getting a little heated. You see it, and it hurts. Kendall goes off with this other guy, having probably been convinced by both the drug and the persuasive asshole that the guy is you. Then everything goes downhill, and he still probably doesn't even realise what's happening. He just knows he's in deep shit." Carlos shrugged. "Nobody's fault."

They sat there silently, James biting his lip, Carlos twiddling his thumbs awkwardly. Then they heard Logan shriek, "He's waking up!"

They both hurried into the room to see Logan helping Kendall sit up. The blonde had a slightly pained expression on his face. "Huh?" he mumbled when he saw them all watching him. "What's wrong?"

"Kendall, you . . ." Logan stopped. "I think James should explain. We'll get going."

Once they were gone, Kendall turned to James and asked, "What happened? When did I even get here?"

"You don't remember?" James said slowly. When Kendall shook his head, James gently asked, "Ok, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Um, well, we were at the club, and . . . um, I went to get a drink. There was a guy, hitting on me, he was really annoying, then I left him." Kendall looked at James with scared eyes. "James, that's all I remember. What happened to me?"

"Kendall . . ." James bit his lip for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. "That guy drugged you. He must have spiked your drink when you weren't looking."

"What did . . . what happened then?" Kendall asked quietly, looking even more afraid.

"Well, you two started getting all . . . um, close. Then I got mad, but Logan told me what happened, and I went and found you, and I saved you. Sort of. Yeah, I did." It seemed so awkward, saying he saved someone. It sounded so heroic and noble, everything he wasn't.

"Did he do that?" Kendall asked hoarsely, pointing to the long bruise across his thigh, before opening his shirt to see several others on his stomach and chest. He rested a hand on his stomach painfully. "How did you get him away from me?"

"Well, I threatened to shoot him," James replied with a shrug.

"You had your gun with you?" Kendall looked astounded at this.

"Well, I am a cop, going to a club, on Halloween. I have to be prepared for all the troublemakers that show up." He smiled in attempt to lighten the mood. "And it went well with my costume anyway."

Kendall didn't smile back. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Kendall bent down, slowly because of his bruised stomach, and pulled his boots off, throwing them under the bed. He took his cat ears off too, then lay down, rolling onto his side. "Kendall?" James said cautiously, leaning over him, but the blonde didn't look at him. "It'd probably help to talk, you know, if you . . ."

"James, I understand where you're coming from, but you're not a therapist, and I really don't want to talk about it. Or think about it; I just want to go to bed."

James sighed. "Ok. I'll be back in a few minutes."

James went and called Carlos and told him how Kendall was dealing with it, Carlos responded by telling him not to come into work tomorrow if he knew what was good for him. " _He needs you,"_ Carlos insisted. " _I'll make an excuse for you, it'll be fine_."

"Ok. Thanks, Carli."

When James went back to their room after the call, the light was off and Kendall's eyes were shut. James got ready for bed and crawled in beside him, wrapping a tender arm around his waist. He wondered what the next day would bring to them.

Well, the answer was simple. Kendall wouldn't get out of bed the next day. James tried to coax him to at least sit up and talk to him, but he wouldn't. He just lay there with his face buried in the pillow, refusing to move, or eat, or do anything. James worried about him so much. He could tell this whole thing had really upset him, but he refused to admit it, or even deny it.

About three in the afternoon he actually sat up, but he wouldn't speak, and he still wouldn't get up. James sat with him most if the day, trying to make conversation and failing miserably. At one point he just became to frustrated with the silence. "Kendall, are you ok?" James asked cautiously. It was a stupid question; he knew full well that he wasn't. "You should at least drink something even if you won't eat; you haven't all day."

"I don't want to," Kendall murmured.

James sighed. "Kendall, I know you're upset about what happened, but nothing really serious came out of it."

"But it could have!" Kendall replied angrily, getting to his feet. "I could've been raped by some _sadistic freak,_ I could've overdosed and _died!_ "

James paused. ". . . but you didn't," he said at last, taking a step towards Kendall.

Kendall stepped away from him, leaning against the wall for a second before straightening up. "That's not the point, James! He came after me, all perverted and manipulative, just because he liked the way I look! He wanted me, because he liked the way I look!"

"Well, what else would he judge you on? He is a complete stranger, after all." James had said the wring thing, and he realised that when tears built up in Kendall's eyes.

"You don't get it!" Kendall shouted. "That's all I am, to everybody! I'm a body, not a person! I'm someone to sleep with, that's all I am, and I'm sick of it! I can't take it anymore!"

"Kendall, calm down—" James protested, blocking him from leaving the room.

"Oh, do you wanna take a turn now?" Kendall laughed madly and angrily. "Everybody line up and fuck the pretty ass, only two dollars an hour, that's how cheap he is!"

"Kendall!" James slammed his hands on the wall on either of Kendall, keeping him there against the wall. "You need to calm down, right now!"

Kendall didn't; he just hit at James, trying to push him away. "Don't fucking touch me!" he screamed when James grabbed his wrists and pinned them against the wall.

"Kendall, please!" James begged. "I do understand, ok? Yes, some people only like you because of your looks, but that happens to everyone! And yes, maybe it happens a little more often to you, but it doesn't matter! You're not just a body, you're more than that! You mean more than that to me! I love who you are as a person, not what you look like! That's never mattered to me!"

"Oh yeah?" Kendall said viciously, struggling a little with James's hold on him. "What about when we first met, when you asked me where the bus stop was? It was only an excuse to talk to me, and if you'd thought I was ugly, you wouldn't have bothered! That's the only reason you even spoke to me!"

James cursed his past self for its superficial ways and said, "Fine, maybe that's true, but when we met later in the bar, that didn't matter anymore! I got to know you. You were smart, and you were sweet, you were so much more than what I thought! You love kids, and animals, and sunflowers, your dad taught you to play piano and guitar, and I know all these things because I care about you!"

"Or because I told you!" Kendall snapped, but James went on before he could say anything else.

"But don't you see, that's the point! You told me, and I listened! I didn't just think about how hot you were, I listened to you talk and bothered to remember it! And other people too, like Logan or Carlos, and your family, and Matt and Eric." James swallowed. "Even Sean."

For a second Kendall just looked hurt, and lost. "Sean didn't love me."

"I think you might be wrong there," James said softly. He'd never told Kendall about those sunflowers on the kitchen table, and he didn't plan to. But he often wondered a lot about them.

"If he loved me, he wouldn't have hurt me," Kendall replied just as softly.

"People do stupid things, it's what makes us human, but we're not talking about him, we're talking about you. Kendall, stop thinking badly of yourself just because one or two people are shallow and can't see past the surface when they look at you. I love you for who you are, other people do too, and that's what matters."

Kendall didn't say anything. James thought for a second. Jesus, now was not the time to start thinking about sex, why was he so horny at inappropriate times? He chuckled to himself at his own idiocy.

Kendall heard him. "What's funny?"

"Nothing. I just had this idea . . ."

"What is it?" Kendall persisted.

"Um, I just . . . don't kill me."

"I won't."

"I . . . I just want to make you feel so loved," James murmured shyly. "If you don't want to, we don't have to. But I want to show you."

Kendall was silent for a second or two. Then, still with slight anger in his voice, "Do you mean that?"

James nodded firmly. "I do."

Kendall nodded, unclenching his hands and letting them fall to intertwine with James's. "Ok."

James smiled and stepped back, leading Kendall over to the bed and laying him down. He climbed on top of him, straddling his legs as he leaned down. Their lips brushed together slightly as he whispered, "I love you, baby."

James kissed Kendall tenderly, before pulling back to slowly take his shirt off, smiling when the blonde decided to let him. He left little kisses on Kendall's chest and across the bruises, only bringing his tongue out once or twice. This was about comfort more than pleasure. He wanted to show Kendall, prove to him that it wasn't just sex, it was love. That he loved him as a person, not a body. That was really all Kendall wanted.

James took Kendall sweatpants off, sliding them gently down his legs and pressing a gentle kiss to Kendall's bruised thigh as he did. His boxers were next, then Kendall was lying completely naked underneath him, his dick hardening from James's touch. "You're beautiful," he said softly and lovingly in his ear, before adding reassuringly, "Inside and out."

He heard Kendall's breath catch in his throat, then a vulnerable whisper, "Promise?"

James smiled, kissing his lips gently. "I promise."

James pulled his own pants and boxers off, before reaching into the drawer of the nightstand to get the lube they always used. He squirted some onto his fingers, before circling his forefinger around Kendall's entrance. Kendall moaned quietly when he pushed it in. He moved the finger in and out for a little while, before slowly sliding in another two, twisting them and working them in and out, slowly scissoring Kendall open. When the fingers brushed off against his sweet spot, Kendall's hands fisted the blanket and he groaned loudly. "Jamie, that feels so _good_."

"I'm only getting started," James said with a smile, spilling some more lube onto his hand and rubbing it over his own erection. Just seeing Kendall lie there and moan was enough to turn him on. He moved forwards on his knees, lifting Kendall's legs and resting them on his hips as he touched off his entrance with the tip of his cock.

Then James slowly pushed inside him, stopping every now and then to give Kendall a chance to breathe. When he was fully in, he focused on kissing Kendall, caressing his lips and tongue with his own. Kendall moaned quietly underneath him, hands wrapped around his neck. "Move," he panted into James's mouth, moaning when he did.

James moved slowly and carefully; there was no mad, lustful thrusting. He kept kissing Kendall's neck and face, telling him he loved him every few seconds. Kendall whispered it back, groaning and whimpering when James struck his prostate.

Kendall wrapped his legs around James's waist, bringing him in deeper, is back arching off the bed as his moans became wobbly and a lot lower. James still moved slowly and tenderly, but even so he could fee himself getting closer to the edge. He picked up the pace just a little, and then he was coming, groaning and releasing his load deep into his lover. Just a second later Kendall was coming too, without even being touched once.

He dropped his legs and lay there, breathing deeply. Their eyes locked and they shared a quick, sweet kiss. "I love you," Kendall said softly.

"I love you too," James promised, wrapping Kendall up in his arms. "All of you. Always."  
  


  
_-End.-_


End file.
